- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers,
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Now, let's begin.
Have you been in a relationship with a narcissist?
If so, you might understand how they can be smart,
manipulative, and how they won't give up
on getting what they want.
Because of their manipulative tendencies and tactics,
you might find yourself stuck, helpless,
or emotionally drained from your relationship with them.
You might even feel like
there's no way to stop their power over you.
So, to help empower you, here are 11 smart ways
to outsmart a narcissist.
Number one, heal yourself.
Have you noticed that you always go back
to your relationship with a narcissist
when you feel at your lowest point?
Oftentimes, narcissists will exploit your vulnerability
and insecurities when you're feeling at your worst.
So, a way to outsmart them
and to not let them come back into your life again
is by focusing on healing yourself
and getting back control over your own life.
Number two, mirror their behavior.
Narcissists thrive on getting a reaction from you.
They might do things to purposely hurt you
and to get you to respond in a very emotional manner.
In cases like these, you can try mirroring their actions.
By doing this, you reflect their anger back onto them,
where it belongs.
Number three, cut off contact.
It can be hard to cut off all contact with someone
that you've been in a relationship with.
However, if you keep in touch with them after ending things,
you may only be giving them and their toxic behavior
the opportunity to slide back into your life.
Number four, use the grey rock method.
If you find it impossible to cut off all contact with them,
you could try the grey rock method.
This is when you take a step back and avoid reacting
to any of the communication they send you.
Instead, you can ask someone to read the emails, letters,
or text messages for you.
This way, it can give you a little distance and clarity
to understand the reality of the situation.
Number five, agree with them.
This may sound contradictory,
but narcissists tend to take pleasure in shaming people.
For example, a narcissist parent
may shame you for how strict or lenient you are
with your own children.
If they say this, agree with them.
By doing this, you're taking the wind out of their sails.
Because they're so used to getting a response,
they may end up not knowing how to respond at all.
This is the power of non-resistance.
As you mirror their words back to them
and show their behavior for how it really is,
there's very little that they can do about it.
Number six, keep your cards close to your chest.
As mentioned before,
narcissists like to exploit your vulnerabilities
and insecurities.
So, it's important
that you don't try to explain your reasons
or rationalize with them
when they're trying to attack you.
The more you try to explain yourself,
the weaker your position becomes.
Number seven, challenge your own thoughts and situation.
As surprising as it may seem,
narcissists are actually very fragile and insecure.
This is why they often use other people
to make themselves feel better,
whether it's by shifting the blame
or projecting their weaknesses or insecurities onto you,
they'll try to make it seem
like you are the one with problems in the relationship.
So, try to challenge yourself
and ask yourself whether what they say is true.
By doing this, you can see your situation
with more clarity and understanding.
Number eight, you need to remain very calm.
Since narcissists like to manipulate
and find ways to cause you emotional distress,
it can feel really difficult to remain calm
in the relationship,
whether it's accusing you for being angry
or being upset at you for something you didn't do,
they will try to get an emotional response from you.
Because of this, it's important for you to remain calm.
By responding in a calm or unemotional manner,
you undermine their attempt of hurting you.
Number nine, find ways to disengage.
Do you give them a lot of your attention?
Something a narcissist will often do
is use the victim card to gain sympathy from you.
The more attention you give them, the more they thrive.
Any attention is better than none at all to a narcissist.
So, a way to outsmart them
is to find ways to disengage from their fairytales
and focus on something else.
Number 10, refuse to play.
Narcissists lack empathy,
and rarely form emotional attachments with others.
So, if you find yourself in a relationship with one,
you may find that they don't really care
for your wellbeing at all.
Instead, they might take pleasure in causing you distress.
If seen as a game of chess,
narcissists are the type who will take every measure
to beat you in the game.
So, the only way for you to change the outcome
is for you to take yourself out of the game
and remove any power they have over you.
And, number 11, listen to your body.
Do you get triggered easily?
Narcissists like to say or do things
that emotionally and mentally hurt you.
The trauma that can come from the verbal or emotional abuse
often leaves a mark and may manifest in a number of ways,
including feeling anxious, stressed,
or triggered by certain words, scenes, or people.
So, when you listen to your body
and use techniques such as meditation, deep breathing,
and visualization,
you reduce your stress
and help yourself become more level-minded again.
This, in turn, will make it harder for them
to manipulate you again.
If you, or somebody you know,
have experienced narcissistic abuse,
then please reach out and speak to somebody you trust.
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The references and studies used in this video
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Thanks for watching
and we'll see you in our next video.