What’s up ladies and gentlemen, I’m Brad Browning and I am YouTube’s #1 breakup coach…
and you’re watching my latest advice video, where I’m going to explain the steps you
need to take to avoid becoming “plan B” for your ex.
If you’re hoping to get back together with an ex, then what I’m about to cover is critical
information and you’re going to want to keep watching…
First, let’s quickly talk about why your ex might be hoping to making you their backup
plan.
A lot of people don’t really understand this, but the simple fact of the matter is
that most of the time, your ex isn’t going to be 100% certain about the decision to break
up.
Just like you are, they’re likely fearing the idea of being single and struggling to
cope with the heartache and post-breakup emotions.
This means that, in most cases, your ex is going to be hoping to keep you in their back
pocket as a “plan B” option in case the single life doesn’t work out or they realize
that they’ve made a mistake ending things with you.
Now, at first this might seem like great news....
After all, that would mean you might be able to get them back, right?
Except that… that’s not how it works.
Please trust me on this, because I’ve been a breakup coach for over a decade and helped
tens of thousands of clients win back their ex… but the truth is that allowing yourself
to become your ex’s backup plan is actually going to kill your chances of ever getting
back together.
The simple explanation is that by making it clear to your ex that you’re OK waiting
around for them to hopefully change their mind about breaking up, you’re not putting
any pressure on them or allowing them to worry about losing you forever.
That’s going to be a scary thought for your ex, and the fear of you moving on or finding
someone new to replace them is extraordinarily powerful if you want them back.
As long as your ex knows that you’ll be waiting around eager to say “yes” immediately
if they want you back, that’s almost certainly never going to happen.
It firmly shifts the balance of power entirely to your ex, gives them the comfort of gradually
getting over you, and will make it much more difficult for you to move on.
Essentially, allowing yourself to become “plan B” for your ex removes any sense of urgency
and makes the entire process of getting over the breakup less painful and less frightening
for them.
At this point, hopefully I’ve convinced you that putting yourself in this kind of
situation is going to destroy any hope of getting them back.
Let’s now talk about how to avoid falling into the “backup plan” trap.
Step #1: Employ a period of No Contact.
First, you absolutely need to use my 30 Day No Contact technique as soon after the breakup
as possible.
If it’s already been a month or more since you first broke up, you should still, in most
cases, go through with a period of No Contact where you don’t speak to your ex at all
(or as little as possible).
For anyone out there who doesn’t know if No Contact is appropriate for your specific
situation, please visit BreakupBrad.com/coaching and sign up for my 1-on-1 personal coaching
service and I’ll be happy to learn about the details of your breakup and help you create
a plan to win them back.
No Contact is important because it shocks your ex into recognizing what life is like
without you around, maximizing their feelings of “missing you”.
If you don’t use No Contact, and you instead continue talking to your ex regularly, you’re
slowly reducing the amount of contact between you and your ex which will reduce the heartache
they’re going to feel and let them gradually fade from their life.
By not speaking to your ex, you’re also going to create a sense of mystery -- they’ll
wonder why you’re suddenly no longer interested in talking with you, and you’ll essentially
upend their expectations and create more of a sense of urgency by signalling you’re
already moving on.
Step #2: Hide your emotions.
This is along the same lines as what I just mentioned, but you also want to keep your
heartache and emotions out of the public eye.
If your ex thinks you’re struggling with the breakup, thinks you’re heartbroken,
or gets the impression you’re not moving on quickly….
Then that’s a sign that you’re willing to be their Plan B option.
Obviously, that’s not what you want, so keep your emotions hidden from your ex as
much as possible.
Step #3: Don’t show your true intentions.
OK, so you’re trying to get back together, obviously… but you definitely do not want
your ex to know that.
In fact, the more convinced he or she is that you’re actually fine with the idea of breaking
up and you’re moving on, the better.
I know this sounds backwards at first, but if your ex thinks you’re actively trying
to get back together, they’re going to be less likely to respond to your calls or texts
and more guarded when it comes to hanging out with you or seeing you.
Along the same lines, when you’re using any kind of “sneakier” tactics such as
my Covert Jealousy technique or the Clean Slate message that I cover in my Ex Factor
program, you need to be subtle and avoid letting your true underlying intentions become apparent.
That means you should be careful not to seem too eager to respond to your ex’s messages,
and you need to be sure that any time you reach out to your ex you’re carefully crafting
the interaction to ensure you don’t make it obvious to your ex that you want them back
or are making an effort to get a second chance with them.
Here’s an easy tip to keep in mind: if your ex were to call you and ask you to take them
back, he or she shouldn’t know for sure what your answer would be.
If they know that you’ll immediately say yes and take them back any time they want,
then you’ve become their backup plan… and as we’ve already discussed, that’s
bad.
Step #4: Don’t get friendzoned.
I’ve talked about this before in previous videos, but you definitely don’t want to
allow yourself to fall into the “friend zone” trap.
I know being friends with your ex may seem like the next best thing if you can’t be
together in a proper relationship, but it’s actually going to hurt your chances of getting
them back.
I think this is probably already fairly obvious from what I’ve already covered so far in
this video, but essentially becoming friends with your ex is another way you can make the
breakup easier for your ex… by being their friend, you’re again just letting them gradually
let you go from their life rather than ‘shocking’ them into realizing what life is like when
you’re suddenly not around anymore.
You have to make it absolutely clear to your ex that if they choose to break up with you,
they’re on their own and they can’t come running back to you if they find the single
life less fun than they’d imagined it would be.
If you’ve already agreed to being friends with your ex and you need help escaping the
“friend zone,” you should head over to my website, BreakupBrad.com and watch the
free video that I’ve posted there.
The video will give you some more advice on how to proceed with your ex and how to escape
the friend zone (without shutting them out of your life permanently).
Again, you can watch the full video at BreakupBrad.com.
Step #5: Start living life to the fullest.
When you start going out, being social, making friends, taking up new hobbies, and thriving
at work or in school… your ex will notice, and he or she will see clearly that you’re
not a “low-value” desperate loser ex.
In fact, nothing says “I’m not anybody’s backup plan” better than generally thriving
in life and making it obvious that you’re moving on to bigger and better things unless
your ex quickly changes his or mind about breaking up.
OK guys, that’s about all I have time for in this video… hopefully I’ve convinced
you that you can NOT allow yourself to become your ex’s backup plan, because it’ll ruin
any chance of getting him or her back.
Thanks for watching, and don’t forget to ask your questions and leave your hatemail
in the comments section below….
See you next time!