- Alright, Grant, get your rear in gear.
We're gonna be late to the ribbon-cutting ceremony.
- Yeah, Grant, I will not miss the opening
of another Discovery Zone.
- Give me one second.
I'm chatting with a hot mama on Waze.*
(all three groan)
- Grant, not every app is a dating app.
- You're fuckin' wrong.
- How are you even using Waze to hit on someone?
- You can chat with nearby drivers.
- [Grant Texting] Boy, traffic sucks tonight, right?
- [Driver Jane Texts] Yeah, it does.
- [Grant Texting] Where are you headed, beautiful?
- That is awful!
- And dangerous.
- And it's awfully dangerous.
- Why would these apps have a chat function
if not for hitting on people?
Take Venmo.
- [Grant Texting] There's 10 more dollars
if you go on a date with me.
- That truly is awful, Grant.
You're paying for sex.
- You're telling me you never used
strategic liking on Instagram and Facebook to flirt?
- I mean, I guess I do.
- It's the same thing.
Look at CBS All Access.
- [Sheldon on Big Bang Theory] You got Star Trek
in my Star Wars.
- [Leonard on Big Bang Theory] Well, you're the one
who got Star Wars in my Star Trek.
- [Grant Texting] Oh, Sheldon! Hey, do any of you
wanna get Big Banged? (all groan loudly)
- The CBS app!
- God, you are a nightmare, Grant!
- It can't be every app, though.
- You are fuckin' wrong.
- How about apps that don't have a chat function?
- [Blonde Girl] Yes. - [Man In Black Suit] Yeah.
- They do have customer support.
(cell phone beeps)
- [Customer Service Rep] Bubble Level Customer Service,
how can I help you today?
(cell phone beeps)
- [Grant Texting) Nobody understands me,
but maybe you could.
- Let me see that.
(cell phone beeps)
- Gross, your To Do app just says 'you' over and over.
- And every song on your Shazam list is by Prince.
- How do you use the NPR app?
(cell phone beeps)
- [Narrator On App] It's This American Life,
I'm Ira Glass.
Today on our show, Grant's body
and the ways he can use it on you.
- Ooohhh! - What?
- They ran that story?
- Okay, what about the flashlight app?
- I just do this?
- Hey! - Stop!
- Ahhhh!
- Hey, don't do that!
- Jesus Christ! What's wrong with Tinder?
- Oh, I feel like such a creep swiping through people.
- Look, can we just go?
- Yeah, I'll get an Uber.
(cell phone beeps)
- Pool.
- [All Three Friends] No!
- Hey, it's Grant from College Humor.
Click here to subscribe to the channel.
Click here for more fun stuff.
And, sorry.
Guys, it feels like I'm out.
Am I out?
'Cause I can like,
I can see the top of the camera, so it's,
is this better?
Alright, it feels worse.
Okay.
Thanks for watching!