Just because you can order everything on the steakhouse menu
doesn't mean that you should. Ever been embarrassed by your restaurant
order as soon as you placed it? Keep watching to avoid the humiliation.
To be fair, this one is by no means exclusive to steakhouses. There are
all sorts of reasons why you should never make or order well-done steak.
Here's why. Eating your steak well done means that you're eating a dry, hard piece of meat
that has been cooked well beyond what any quality piece of steak should ever endure. At this point
of doneness, the juices are largely gone, the fibers are hard, and the eating experience is
nothing short of disappointing because the flavor has quite literally been cooked away.
The customer might as well ask the chef to cook the steak rock-hard
and enjoy it with a hefty dollop of ketchup. For shame.
An experienced waiter isn't going to outright roll their eyes at your order or anything,
but there's a pretty good chance that more than one person involved in the process
will quietly judge you. Quite possibly, the people you're dining with count themselves
among these ranks… even if they're nice enough to keep their comments to themselves.
"It's just that we'd like to move to another table… away from those two gentlemen."
Let's get one thing out of the way before we continue: Burgers are delicious. It's just that
when you're at a steakhouse, ordering a burger is a bit like ordering from the kids' menu. In fact,
much like ordering a glass of milk in a Wild West saloon, looking at a menu full of delicious steaks
and going for the burger option might brand you as the person who can't handle "real steak."
Now, don't take this statement to mean that we're throwing shade on what may very well
be America's most iconic gift to global cuisine. It's just that there's a very specific place
you should go to enjoy an opulent burger, and that's ... well, a burger joint. Great burgers
tend to come from establishments that focus near-exclusively on creating great burgers,
and likewise, steakhouses are all about those juicy cuts of beef.
As such, while many steakhouses might have an afterthought of a burger haunting the
tail end of their menu, chances are that it's not going to be the best thing they
have — because if it was, the restaurant would focus on burgers instead of steak, wouldn't it?
Slathering your steak with some delicious steak sauce can be an
almost instinctive maneuver once you start eating. Steak sauce is pretty tasty, true,
but the addition of that pungent sauce on top of your carefully selected steak
is practically guaranteed to single you out as a beef philistine.
The main reason behind bottled steak sauce's sidelined status is the fact that chefs dislike
its tendency to mask the flavor of the beef. This wasn't a problem back when the steak quality was
often more dubious, but today's beef is a far cry from the heyday of steak sauce.
Besides, chances are that whatever dish you ordered already comes with a carefully
selected sauce to bring out the best in it. Corporate chef Michael Ollier explained to us:
"Before, you were masking something that was inferior, but as people gain a palate for
higher-quality beef, they're more hands-off and letting the flavors of the beef sing. Or, they're
finding more adventurous ways to balance a fatty cut like a ribeye. [...] a high-quality steak with
a lot of marbling doesn't need anything but coarse kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper."
All in all, you might get away with a little bit of steak sauce on the side
if there's already a bottle among the table condiments. Otherwise,
it might be better to keep bottled steak sauces the condiment you only keep at home.
This one comes with a bunch of caveats, but it's still something that you might very well end up
feeling embarrassed about if you're not careful. The daily special can be more than a little iffy,
and industry insiders have pointed out that the "avoid the special" adage applies to any
and all specials, including steakhouse ones. Gordon Ramsay himself has noted:
"Specials are there to disappear throughout the evening."
That's straightfoward enough, but there's a little more to it in most restaurants:
The daily special needs to get sold,
because it can be made from whatever's been hanging around the kitchen the longest.
"What is the soup du jour?"
"It's the soup of the day."
"Hm. That sounds good. I'll have that."
However, if the steakhouse in question is known for a relatively experimental approach,
there could very well be another side to the story. The daily special might be the
restaurant's way to offer delicious seasonal ingredients and dishes along with the more
established main menu — or even a trial run for a potential new dish, which means that the
fortunate soul who samples it might get to taste an upcoming hit dish well ahead of the masses.
By its very nature, a steakhouse is the perfect place to fill your belly
with a fine steak. However, if you dive in unprepared, the steak you might end up getting
isn't necessarily one that you enjoy eating. After all, there are many different cuts of steak,
and in an establishment that's staffed and visited by people who are very,
very familiar with steak, ordering the wrong thing might very well become an embarrassing experience.
Simply put, it's absolutely worth taking a moment to learn the differences between
some of the commonly served types of steak, if only to know what you're getting and how
chewy it's going to be. No one wants to be the person who orders an unfamiliar cut of
steak and gets something that leaves their jaw sore and their emotions in need of a little TLC.
And FYI? Ordering filet mignon might also earn you some weary sighs. Many experts consider it — as
well as the tenderloin — the most overrated cut of steak due to its sheer lack of fat and flavor.
You probably know that there's a very specific subset of people who insist on ordering what
they feel like eating, regardless of what type of restaurant they're in. A move like that will
only make the customer seem self-important or an unnecessarily picky eater. In fact,
one could argue that the best possible guide for going fully off-menu
with your order would simply be the word "don't."
Granted, ordering off the menu isn't always done out of malice or entitlement. There might
be legitimate dietary or health reasons for requesting a few changes to the dish,
or the customer might be privy to a secret menu item they want to try. However, ignoring the menu
and ordering whatever you feel like simply because you happen to want it is generally a bad call
and one that's likely to elicit plenty of mental groans and sideways glances from everyone present.
"Oh my God, here we go."
"What's wrong now?"
"It takes my Mom 10 minutes to order. To her, the menu is just a vague suggestion."
Ordering either seafood or chicken at a steakhouse is unlikely to earn you
as much unwanted attention as sticking to salad would,
but those in the know may still sadly shake their head at your less-than-informed order.
Chicken is arguably the worse offender of the two,
seeing as many chefs think you should never order it while eating out. An often-quoted
reason is that many establishments tend to cook the chicken until it's far too dry,
but some chefs simply think it's boring compared to other, more interesting proteins.
There's another worry, too, and that's the very real possibility that the chicken that
made it to your plate was raised in a way that would make anyone cringe.
Don't want your meal to come with a side of hormones and antibiotics? Skip the chicken.
As for fish, it's worth mentioning that sometimes,
it's entirely possible to get a nice fish dish at a steakhouse. However,
why would you want to? After all, it seems like a pretty big and needless risk to assume that
steakhouse fish is good when you could just cut to the chase and go to a seafood restaurant instead.
"I call this turf n'turf. It's a 16-ounce t-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey."
Much like it's difficult to stop and ask for directions when you're lost, some customers
may find it unsavory to let an expert take the reins of their wine pairing. Unfortunately, if
you don't know what you're doing, this can easily lead to a red face to go with your red meat.
"And would you care to order wine with your meal?"
“Uh, yeah, why don't you bring us a bottle of something-or other. Not too sweet. American."
It's easy to assume that the worst wine-ordering faux pas
is to select white wine with beef. However, this isn't always the case
and in some instances, it's exactly what you'll want to do. Pairing white
wine with steak — dry aged in particular — has been in vogue in high-end steakhouses.
That's not to say all white wines are a great match with steak, though. For example,
Riesling is simply too light to keep up with the flavor of beef.
There are several different aspects to consider when finding the ideal wine to go with your steak,
from the fattiness of the cut to the other components on your plate. As such, there's zero
shame in asking the professionals for assistance and potentially plenty in neglecting to do so.
Still, if you really feel like flying solo when it comes to ordering wine,
a dry, high-tannin red like Cabernet Sauvignon is one of the better all-round performers with steak.
Since President Donald Trump's tendency to eat his steak well-done and with ketchup surfaced in 2017,
the tangy tomato sauce has enjoyed a particularly sketchy reputation as a condiment for beef. A
recent Mashed poll discovered that 35 percent of people would never put it on steak. As such,
you can probably imagine the looks your fellow diners would give you
if you reached for a bottle at a steakhouse.
To be entirely fair, not everyone is ready to join the anti-ketchup army, at least in certain
situations. Alton Brown has said that he's fine with cold steak and ketchup for breakfast. Guy
Fieri has also admitted to being fairly cool with the prospect of wanting some ketchup on steak,
stating that it would be a far bigger sin to overcook the steak
than to eat it with quality ketchup. He explained:
"But quite honestly, if it's your food, and it's your choice,
and it's your palate, and that's what you like? Do what you want."
"Do you think I could ask them for a little ketchup?"
"I think you can ask for whatever you want."
This is a pretty good point of view, but since you're probably not going to earn too many points
at the steakhouse if you drown your T-bone in ketchup and start quoting Fieri, we advise that
you keep your possible steak-and-ketchup habits within the confines of your own backyard BBQ.
On occasion, you might be tempted to find ways to make your lovely steak even more luxurious.
For some, this is where edible gold comes in. The harmless but
also completely benefit-free ingredient can add a touch of sheer opulence in your meal,
and as you're about to find out, some steakhouses absolutely use this to wow you.
If that's your thing and your wallet can take the hit, go right ahead. Just be aware that
the world will happily beat a path to your door ... most likely, to slap some sense into you.
One of the more visible proponents of gold-plated protein is Nusret "Salt Bae" Gökçe,
the Turkish-born restaurateur known for his flamboyant salt sprinkling technique. A peek at
the chef's Instagram reveals that he's quite fond of giving his steaks an opulent gold foil veneer,
which is certainly one way to achieve that ultimate "luxurious dinner" vibe.
Unfortunately for people who are willing to dish out up to $1,939 for one of his steaks,
this particular type of dish has received plenty of backlash.
Notable British restaurant critic Jay Rayner conducted his review of Salt Bae's Nusr-Et
Steakhouse in London by eating an affordable doner kebab [kuh-BOB] outside the restaurant
and raining written bile on the concept of absurdly expensive gold steak. And really?
That says it all right there: You don't need to be super fancy when it comes to steak.
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