Have you ever dated a guy who is just so cute, so funny, so charming and... so goddamn immature?
It's not that he's a bad guy per se; it's that he's never quite grown up. So while
you have a blast while you're out but when it comes to the actual mechanics of building a
life — it feels like you're the one who has to do all the heavy lifting. So what do you
do when you're with a fun guy who requires so much effort? Stick around, and I'll tell you.
I am Evan Marc Katz, the dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer
for love. Welcome to the Love U Podcast. Keep listening to learn why some men don't need a
girlfriend. They need a mommy! I'll let you know how you can apply to Love U to create a
passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
Once upon a time, back in 2016, I did a Love U podcast on Peter Pan Syndrome that was probably
a half-hour to an hour-long podcast. I'm not going to rehash the entire thing. If you are curious,
you could easily find it on my website, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
But I think it's important to acknowledge your experience as a woman. I probably spend more time
than just about anybody, maybe even you thinking about the plight of 21st-century women and what
it's like to date and the caliber of men available to you. There are a lot of sweet guys out there.
It may not seem like that, and it seems like all guys are dogs and pigs and name your awful
animal. Insert here. But there are a lot of decent guys out there too.
It's important to understand that just because a guy is a great guy, just because he's emotionally
available, just because he's gentle and sweet doesn't necessarily make him a good
husband material. And this is where people tend to get off track. They'll find a guy who's an alpha
male douchebag, and they'll realize after a long time that he's not emotionally sensitive enough to
be a good partner. And you'll find guys on the other end of the spectrum, an amazing guy you
think you should be looking for but not if you're his mom. It's not really a relationship of equals.
I want you to consider this
list of behaviors your guy might be doing if he actually needs a mommy (not a girlfriend).
Does your man not reach out to make plans with you?
Does he depend on you to run your entire social life and plan his doctor's appointments?
Does he work intermittently rather than regularly? Does he have no clear dreams, goals or
ambitions career-wise? Does he still live with
roommates and feel content with that? Does he not have health insurance?
Does he forget to open his mail or pay his bills? Does he let his dishes and laundry pile up?
Does he pay more attention to gaming or sports than he does to you?
Does he value his freedom and independence above
companionship? Most importantly,
is he able to take care of himself, or does he really need someone to take care of him?
Because let's be honest, everyone could do with a little bit of nurturing.
It means the world to me that my wife takes care of dinner while I'm working. But that's the point;
I'm working. I don't sit on the couch playing multiplayer first-person shooter games while she's
driving the kids to soccer. I don't play golf three times a week when I should be expected to
be home for family dinners. I don't let birthdays and holidays pass without making an effort to
acknowledge my wife and children. I have a calendar of responsibilities,
and I put those above my personal needs and take care of my responsibilities before I put my fun,
not after. And I don't think this is particularly heroic behavior.
It's just the behavior of a man, not a boy.
Boyish guys are fun, no doubt about it. But if you ever dated a guy who couldn't hold down a job,
never remember to call his mom for her birthday, spent
way too much time screwing around with his friends rather than planning for
and providing for a future. You've likely encountered your own version of a Peter Pan!
I harbor no ill will towards these guys. If you are happy with one of these guys, you could ignore
whatever I'm saying here. However, I know from listening to my clients how exasperated they
are because they have so much potential that they don't want to live up to. Do you want to end
up just banking on his charm or intelligence, wit or even his sex appeal? Take the musician,
for instance; he can be sexy maybe at 50, still shopping for his demo
tapes and still be immature. So don't rely upon your decision just because you find a guy who may
be decent, cute, funny and sexy. Once you discover that you have to be his wife and his husband in
the relationship or you're the mother and the father in the relationship and that your guy
essentially functions as another child — that's not something you really want to sign on for.
If he needs much taking care of, who's taking care of you?
So you could appreciate these men for who they are, instead of thinking that
with your love, he'll be more motivated to work. He's going to mature; he's going to settle down.
He's not. He doesn't want to. That's why his life looks like it does right now. He's just looking
for a woman to mommy him while he continues to prolong his adolescence well into middle age.
Your job is simple — get rid of these guys. Continue to aim
higher. You deserve a man, not a boy.
Please comment below if you've ever dated a man child. And join me next week for more great
dating and relationship content; we're going to help you find the man that you truly deserve.
My name is Evan Marc Katz. Thank you for tuning in to the Love U
Podcast. For more episodes like this on YouTube, click the subscribe button,
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Go to www.evanmarckatz.com to watch my free video about how to gain confidence, attract quality men
and fix your broken man picker. When you're done, you can apply to Love U and join hundreds of other
smart, strong, successful women from around the world in a coaching community where women like
you get the unconditional love that you deserve. I look forward to seeing you there. Take care.