and you are in Georgia for how much of
the year are you there
Oh half of it about six half the year
shoot up Ozark your family is here
they're going to school they're going
all the things that family is that hard
on you or are you happy to get it
yourself I mean it's uh remember you're
under oath
yes and we're rolling right now right
yeah we are yeah
they're pointed the right way everything
it's uh it is it is it is difficult
obviously and you know I can't come back
and forth as much as I want to and even
if they came out and stayed with me I'm
gone for 12 hours a day and so it's I
mean I I actually got to a point last
year where I got two girls 11 and six
and I said well daddy's gonna take each
one of you out there with me for a week
to module two to to Georgia yeah we'll
have it if they like to call it
father-daughter time it's like we have
father-daughter time Frannie you're
gonna go first that's the 11 year old
and maple six yeah then couple weeks
later maple you and I are gonna go okay
all right
and I look to Amanda my wife and she's
like you're not taking them I said what
do you mean you're an idiot you can't
you can't get the kids to camp on hunt
you feed them and wash them for a week I
got it
how dare you so she goes really I said
yeah let me try it out first with the 11
year old she probably was standing sort
of damaged you know huh
and she said she said great let's see it
I go great here it comes so so I so love
the shoes yeah yeah so so I'll rush
through this because I think it's worth
hearing it was like I will warn any
children that are under 11 she'd
probably turned the TV off now this is
new I'll turn it off a while ago yeah so
so so Franny and I are excited we're
going we're packed you know cars coming
to pick us up honey like alright and so
we're in the back of the car and we're
going to the airport and she seems
pretty happy pretty pleased and and I'm
pretty pleased and things are going real
well we're only five
minutes into it but so far so good she
says so it was Easter weekend it was
Easter Sunday so this is Monday we're
gonna hear for I said honey it wasn't
that great that Easter egg hunt
yesterday over at such-and-such his
house yeah I was guy said you got a lot
of eggs you did a really good job I mean
I'm just I don't know what the heck to
talk about it and she said so now the
worst and she says she says yeah I did
okay on the eggs daddy but I don't
here's what I don't understand
bunnies don't lay eggs right and I'm
like that's true and she said she said
so I'm having a hard time putting a
couple things together here and I said
what's the problem she said the Easter
Egg Bunny uh-huh not real right I don't
know what you're saying to me
she's got I'm asking if the Easter Egg
Bunny is real it calls it the Easter Egg
Bunny yeah you know the Easter Bunny
what the hell it is
I was approaching a blackout of nerves
at this point in her questioning so I'm
not gonna give you a verbatim
transcription here you say well she's
asking me if the Easter Bunny is real
and I'm starting to panic and I said I'm
pretty sure that's real honey what do
you mean she goes I don't think it's
real and I don't want you to lie to me
right now cuz there's a few kids in my
class that say that it's not real and I
don't want to be an idiot and I said
what she said she said she sees you're
struggling with this I said what do you
mean I think he promised with me right
now that the Easter Egg Bunny is real I
said baby come on I don't lie to you you
know we don't need to do he promised
Easter Bunny's real she goes the pinky
promise I said I'm not gonna do that
honey let's go come on we're almost to
the airport she puts her pinky so she
maybe were thinking a pinky promise and
I said I said the Easter Bunny is not
real yeah why to the kid I can't break
the creaky promise all right he goes she
goes she goes all right that makes sense
that makes sense she said you know what
does not make sense though in addition
to the bunny is the tooth fairy I don't
understand so now I'm in a blackout and
I'm sweaty with the driver he's in the
rearview mirror and he's just shaking
his head he's thinking about taking
effect a flat tire she says how does a
tooth fairy carry my tooth and put $20
underneath my pillow I said honey I
understand about the $20 I'll bet you
the Tooth Fairy didn't have changed the
other night and she said well pretty
heavy bill it's no heavier than a dollar
let's go we're almost at the airport
okay she says tooth fairy I did I said
the Tooth Fairy is not real
and I'm like I said if they said driver
goes there any quicker way to go you go
and so there's some quietness and I'm
just praying and I'm praying and then
and then she brings the noise yeah and
she says I want you to talk to me about
Santa oh I said I don't want to talk
about it it's a pinky out again the bomb
on Santa and now I got a now like this I
almost dropped an F on there now I got a
text mom who I'm not even to the airport
and I'm already fires back she fires
back a text in all caps telling me what
a disgrace I am as an actor member
audience if you can't you're a
professional liar and you can't get
through she said she said she said make
her pinky promise she's not gonna ruin
it for the six-year-old I said that's a
great solve on this I made her pinky
promise so maple is safe and let me make
a suggestion
get that kid some mittens before she
asks you about sex yeah hi I'm Jimmy
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