WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW,," EVERYBODY.
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT'S FRIDAY.
PRESIDENT TRUMP LEFT TODAY FOR A BIG 12-DAY DIPLOMATIC TRIP
THROUGH ASIA.
HE'LL BE GOING TO JAPAN, CHINA, SOUTH KOREA, THE PHILIPPINES AND
VIETNAM-- BECAUSE I GUESS THOSE BONE SPURS HAVE FINALLY HEALED
UP.
THIS IS-- WE DON'T KNOW.
MAY HAVE TO CANCEL AT THE LAST MOMENT, GET A STUDENT DEFERMENT.
THIS IS GOING TO BE TRUMP'S LONGEST TRIP AS PRESIDENT.
SOME PEOPLE IN THE ADMINISTRATION HAVE WORRIED IT'S
SO LONG, WHICH IS WHY AIDES HAVE TRIED TO
KEEP THE BRIEFINGS SHORT, TO AVOID OVERLOADING THE PRESIDENT
WITH DETAILS.
"OKAY, MR. PRESIDENT, FOCUS UP.
THIS IS A MAP OF CHINA, WHERE THEY MAKE THAT PHONE YOU JUST
STARTED TWEETING ON.
AND WE'VE LOST HIM.
SOMEBODY HAVE ANY FRIED CHICKEN TO WAVE UNDER HIS NOSE?
LUCKILY JAPAN HAS HIS OWN PLANS TO KEEP TRUMP HAPPY-- WHEN HE
VISITS-- WE ARE NOT MAKING THIS UP.
HE ELECT MEETING WITH THIS TOP DIPLOMAT
♪ I HAVE A PEN.
I HAVE AN APPLE.
APPLE PEN.
♪ I HAVE A PEN.
I HAVE PINEAPPLE.
UH, PINEAPPLE PEN ♪ >> HE IS PLANNING ON MEETING
PIKOTARO.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A PERSON WITH A SMALL VOCABULARY AND A
LIMITED GRASP OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
ALSO A JAPANESE SINGER.
IT'S A FAMILY JOKE.
A QUALITY JOKE.
OKAY, OKAY.
EXPLAIN IT TO ME AGAIN.
>> I HAVE A PEN.
I HAVE AN APPLE.
I'M LOST.
WALK ME THROUGH IT AGAIN.
I'M SORRY, PIKACHU.
WALK ME THROUGH IT AGAIN.
SO WHY, EXACTLY, IS TRUMP MEETING WITH THIS GUY?
WELL, THEY GO WAY BACK.
LAST YEAR, A WEEK AFTER TRUMP WON THE ELECTION, IVANKA TRUMP
POSTED A VIDEO OF HER DAUGHTER SING, THE SONG, AND THE JAPANESE
GOVERNMENT SAW THIS VIDEO.
SO, A FEW WEEKS LATER, DURING THEIR FIRST MEETING AT TRUMP
TOWER, TALKING ABOUT "PEN PINEAPPLE APPLE PEN" HELPED
BREAK THE ICE BETWEEN TRUMP AND PRIME MINISTER SHINZO ABE.
THAT'S NO SURPRISE.
NOVELTY SONGS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG PART OF INTERNATIONAL
RELATIONS.
WHO CAN FORGET REAGAN'S STIRRING WORDS?
>> MR. GORBACHEV, IN THE WORDS OF A GREAT AMERICAN, ALBERT
YANKOVIC: EAT IT, EAT IT.
GIVE YOURSELF AN EGG AND BEAT IT.
ALSO, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AFTER-- WE MISS
YOU, RONNIE.
WE MISS YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A GONE MAN.
AFTER THAT SUCCESS, THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT EVEN PRODUCED THIS
VIDEO EARLIER THIS YEAR TO COURT IVANKA AND DONALD'S GOOD GRACES:
♪ I HAVE A PEN.
I HAVE AMERICA ♪ UH, AMERICA PEN.
I HAVE A PEN.
I HAVE A JAPAN.
UH, JAPAN PEN.
♪ AMERICA PEN JAPAN PEN
UH, PEN BEST FRIEND PEN!
>> Stephen: I HAVE A FACE.
I HAVE A PALM.
UGH, FACE-PALM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT IS CATCHY.
IT'S CATCHY ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )