- The longest I'd ever held any job in television, was,
as panelist on a show called "Best Week Ever".
(audience cheering and applauding)
Too late, too late.
You should've been several million people,
a couple years ago. (audience laughing)
"Best Week Ever" was a pop culture week-in-review show,
every Friday night, it was me and a bunch of other comedians
sitting, one at a time, in front of
colored construction paper, (audience laughing)
making jokes about famous people.
It was just that simple, right?
And this show was extremely low-budget.
Basically, we weren't even in a TV studio,
we were in an office building,
and our 'set' was in a disused office,
where there was just enough room for
the camera, a chair, and the construction paper.
(audience laughing) That was it.
Now, at that time, we shared a wall with another TV show,
the 'I love the' series of programs.
"I Love the '70s", "I Love the '80s", "I Love the '90s".
This was a show where a totally different group of comedians
would sit in front of a
totally different roll of construction paper,
(audience laughing)
and they would wax comedic about a bygone decade.
They would pick up a Rubik's Cube and say,
'Rubik's Cube, remember?'
And then put it back down. (audience laughing)
That one still airs, sometimes.
(audience laughing)
So, because we were not in an actual TV studio,
we could hear each-other through the walls.
Now this is not great for television production.
You know how, when you watch "Law & Order",
you don't also hear "Scrubs", at the same time?
(audience laughing)
That's on purpose. (audience laughing)
It enhances the viewing.
Thorough soundproofing hadn't been done, at all,
we could hear each-other through the walls.
And in the absence of any etiquette,
for handling the situation, which should not be occurring,
we evolved our own etiquette, without even talking about it,
this is what we came up with:
whoever got there first had the right to complain
about the other show, (audience laughing)
and the other show had to act like they had
done something wrong. (audience laughing)
Didn't make any sense, at all.
But if "I Love the '70s" got there first,
and we were makin' too much noise, for them,
they would come over and say, 'You guys!
'Would ya keep it down?
'We're tryin' to make a TV show, over there.'
(audience laughing)
And then we had to say, 'Oh, sorry, sorry,
'we were just tryin' to make a TV show, over here.'
(audience laughing)
Dumb, dumb, dumb. (audience laughing)
So, one day, "Best Week Ever" is there first,
that means we have the right of complaint,
"I Love the '80s" gets there after us,
they start gettin' loud,
one of our crew members goes over to tell them
to keep it down.
Guy comes back, and he's giggling,
and he says, 'Oh, man, guess who's over there?
'It's "Weird Al" Yankovic.'
And I said, 'Oh, next time they start makin' noise,
'let me go over there,
'I know "Weird Al", from comedy,
'I'll make a big bit out of being mad about it,
'it'll diffuse the tension,
'everybody'll have a good time with it.'
Five minutes later,
"I Love the '80s" starts to get loud again,
I say, 'Oh, here I go!' (audience laughing)
'This is gonna be great.' (audience laughing)
Now, I need you to know,
that what I am gonna do for you now,
is exactly what I did back then.
(audience laughing)
I'm not exaggerating, in any way.
I kick the door in, (audience laughing)
I find "Weird Al" and I say, 'Weird,
(audience laughing)
'you have got to keep it down!'
(audience laughing)
Just like that.
"Weird Al" responds, 'Ugh, I know, I'm sorry,
'somebody already came over here, once,
'and I got carried away, I guess, I'm really sorry,
'I hope I didn't ruin a take or anything.'
I think, 'Okay, well this is not
'how this is supposed to go.' (audience laughing)
'Thought it was pretty obvious I was goofin' around,
'I thought we were all gonna laugh about it,
'but I'm making "Weird Al" feel bad, that was not,
(audience laughing) 'not my plan, at all.
'I will try this again, and this time I'll make it
'even more over the top, so it's
'obvious to everyone,
'I'm not really mad, I'm just kiddin' around.
'Thought it was pretty obvious the first time, but,
(audience laughing)
'maybe I'm just a terrific actor.
(audience laughing)
'Perhaps you saw me in "There Will Be Blood"'.
(audience applauding)
So,
take another run at it and I go,
'I mean, Weird,
'you are killin' us over there.'
(audience laughing) Just like that.
"Weird Al" responds, 'Ugh, I know, I know,
'it's so embarrassing, it's like,
'I just don't know how loud I'm getting,
'and I'm just so, so sorry, I feel dumb, I feel so dumb',
and I think, 'Does he not hear that I'm
'calling him Weird?' (audience laughing)
So I think to myself, 'Okay, okay,
'I don't know how this is happening, but,
'that was not big enough, (audience laughing)
'I gotta really dig deep, here,
'and just go so over-the-top that
'there's no mistaking it, whatsoever.
'I gotta go so huge on this,
'that somebody 50 yards away, if they glanced
'in this direction, their only thought would be:
'They're having fun, over there.'
Okay, here we go.
Gonna really swing for the fences, on this one.
So I say, 'I mean, Weird, (audience laughing)
'you have got to put a sock in it.'
(audience laughing)
And that's when I realized, I have never met
"Weird Al", in my life. (audience laughing)
No, not once, never.
Not a one time.
I've just seen him on television, like everybody else.
(audience laughing)
And now, I am yelling in his face.
(audience laughing)
So "Weird Al" says, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
'I promise, I will be quiet.'
And of course, at that point, I say,
'See that you do', and I ran away.