I'm going mad.
Where's Lisa?
This is Tony. My Friend.
You're never very good at hearing how lovely you are.
But you are. You are. You're lovely.
Hi.
Right.
Let's get you sorted, Ray, hey?
This is Jack.
-Hi. -Hello.
And this is Tony. My friend.
Always.
-Nice to meet ya. -Yeah, likewise.
-See ya later. Come on. -See you.
Where's Lisa?
She's dead, Dad.
Remember?
She died earlier this year.
She was here this morning.
No. She wasn't.
I'll probably end up in the other place.
Hope so, anyway. More fun.
You can drink, have it away down there.
Yeah, but I'm not sure you'll enjoy
how you'll be having it away.
Basically, you'll be Satan's bitch.
What, what would you say
when he's doing you from behind, Dad?
-Gay. -Yeah. That'll show him.
Always trying to get in the paper,
-ain't you, Brian? -She's new.
Yeah.
-You stink. -Never mind that.
Got something for your front cover.
-If you're interested? -No.
Freddie Mercury's tooth.
Where'd you get that?
Off the park by the swings.
What makes you think it's Freddy Mercury's?
Look at the size of it, mate.
Do you wanna get coffee?
Yeah.
-I'll pay. -Good.
-Going then. -Okay.
You're late.
You're boring.
You're joking, aren't ya?
I wasn't, but go on. What have you got?
It's distribution day.
No, I mean, why would you think I was joking
about you being boring?
Have you got a counter argument or...
-There you go. -What?
It's your post.
Put it through the door.
But you're here, so it saves me a trip.
I don't wanna walk with it, do I?
Why not?
You're new, aren't ya?
-Yeah, I was transferred. -No, no, no. I don't care.
But presumably, in your old round,
you'd put things through the door, didn't ya?
-See you. -See ya.
Well, we went to that nice Greek restaurant
that we usually go to.
You know that one at the top of the road?
Sheila was in a terrible mood again.
Well...
I'm going mad.
You're only mad if they answer back.
He does answer back.
You okay?
Yeah.
More than okay.
Oh, good.
I couldn't stand to lose another wonderful man.
Hello. I'm starting here today.
-Starting work here today. -Okay.
Do you have a name?
Yes. Sandy.
No, I mean who are you meant to meet here?
-Who hired you? -Oh, Mr Braden.
You look sad.
Good work.
Welcome.
Great to have you. I remember my first day.
And it is exciting, isn't it?
-Yeah. -Yeah. Great place to work.
Very dynamic.
Lots of people in and out all the time.
Really excellent bunch of people.
Ha, that was rubbish.
I don't think sticking up for someone's rubbish.
-Do you, George? -No.
My hero.
-And you, you saved one. -I did save one.
-Saved one, didn't he? -Yeah.
-Daddy's good at football. -With my bum, but...
Wow!
Lost for words. It's just...
How long did it take you
to master the double nostril recorder?
Few hours a day for a few weeks, wasn't it?
Everyone seems to be having fun.
-A lovely day out, isn't it? -It really is.
Here he is. Not being a dickhead elf.
What you come as?
Jester.
Ah, yeah. Blimey, did me head in.
All worth it now, though.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
She only took out the life insurance,
so you didn't have to worry about stuff.
Take it from the insurance company,
at least.
Enjoy it.
Blow it at a casino, if you have to.
If you don't spend it...
Lisa wasted her time.
Show Sandy those
Sure thing.
Gotta get the papers out, thank you.
-Show her the ropes, yeah? -Big time.
Can I guess the bullet points?
Get in.
Eat in front of the computer.
Go to the pub.
Eat in front of the quiz machine.
Go home.
Eat in front of the telly.
Go to bed. I assume you eat in bed?
I have emergency snacks nearby, yeah.
Tony!
Smile.
Where's your bowl?
There it is.
Ah, fuck!
No dog food.
Bake beans or vegetable curry?
Thought so.
Oh, sorry.
I'll get you some real food later.
So…
I'll see you later.
If you're watching this then I'm not around anymore.
I couldn't say any of this to your face.
Too embarrassing.
For you, not for me, obviously.
You're never very good at hearing how lovely you are.
But you are. You are. You're lovely.
But you're absolutely fucking useless.
So, I thought I'd leave you a little guide
to life without me.
You gotta turn the alarm off in the morning, yeah.
'Cause if you open the door it'll set it off
and then the alarm company'll think
we're getting broken into.
If you do set it off, you gotta ring 'em.
The number's in your phone, under Alarm.
The alarm code is 0645.
That's your pin code.
You know this.
And put it on perimeter,
otherwise the dog will set it off.
You come in too!
Come in, Tony!