WE GONNA HANG OUT WITH RICK JAMES TONIGHT,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
AND HERE HE COMES OUT THE ROOM, WHEN I LOOK AT HIM--
AND I'M NOT BULLSHITTING YOU, MAN,
I SEEN, LIKE,
LIKE AN ORANGE-- HIS AURA OR WHATEVER,
I SEEN IT.
IT WAS ORANGE.
- ♪ GIVE IT TO ME, BABY ♪
- HE STARTED KICKING IT.
AND HE WAS MAD NIGGERISH, MAN,
WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW, RIGHT UP MY ALLEY.
- I'M ONE OF THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKERS OF ALL TIME.
I'M ONE OF THE BEST SINGERS
AND ONE OF THE BEST-LOOKIN' MOTHERFUCKERS YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
HOLD MY DRINK, BITCH.
- HE'D WALK UP TO ANY CHICK
AND LICK THE WHOLE SIDE OF THEIR FACE, MAN.
- I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
[chuckling]
- WE GOT CLOSER, STARTED HANGING OUT.
MY BROTHER DIDN'T DO ANY OF THIS SHIT.
SO AT NIGHT, WHEN EDDIE WOULD BREAK OUT,
WE WOULD ALL BE GETTING CRAZY AND WILD.
AND IF I WAS HANGING WITH RICK,
HE HAD THIS THING WITH ME
WHERE HE USED TO ALWAYS, LIKE, FUCK WITH ME, MAN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT STARTED IT.
- CHARLIE, HE WAS HANGING OUT WITH THE BIG DOGS, YOU KNOW?
CHARLIE, HE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS DOING CRAZY THINGS
AND I HAD TO STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
SOMETIMES I HAD TO GO UPSIDE HIS HEAD.
- THINGS ESCALATED TO THE POINT WHERE, YOU KNOW,
MY MAN GOT TOO FAMILIAR
AND I ENDED UP HAVING TO WHIP HIS ASS, MAN,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, HE WOULD STEP ACROSS THE LINE.
HABITUALLY. HE'S A HABITUAL LINE-STEPPER.
THE FIRST TIME, YOU KNOW,
I HAD TO END UP WHIPPING HIS ASS, UH...
WE WENT TO STUDIO 54.
WE WALKIN' UP INTO THE VIP SECTION AND, UM,
I'M LOOKING AROUND TO SEE WHO'S THERE
AND LOOKIN' AT THE GIRLS AND EVERYTHING.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEARD SOMEONE GO...
- CHARLIE MURPHY!
THAT WAS... ♪ COLD-BLOODED ♪
[laughs]
- HE HAD THIS RING ON
TO COMMEMORATE THIS SONG HE HAD PUT OUT CALLED
- AND THIS WAS IMPRINTED IN THAT BLACK HEAD OF HIS
FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.
- ♪ UNITY ♪
- EDDIE AND EVERYBODY ELSE
THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT.
AND SO THAT THREW ME IN A WEIRD SPACE,
'CAUSE I'M LIKE, YEAH, THIS IS RICK JAMES.
HE'S A STAR.
- I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH. [laughs]
THIS IS A CELEBRATION, BITCH. [laughs]
- MAYBE I'M OVERREACTING.
I ACTUALLY WENT THERE, LIKE,
"MAYBE I SHOULDN'T DO NOTHING,"
BUT MY GHETTO SIDE WAS GOIN',
"YO, STOMP THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT RIGHT HERE.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?"
- I DRUNK SOME WINE
AND I'M JUST GETTING STARTED, BITCHES.
[laughing]
- HE TOTALLY JUST WROTE ME OFF.
LIKE, I'M THAT NIGGA TO STEAL ON,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
- WHAT, HE'S GONNA SLAP ME BACK?
I'M RICK JAMES. HE'S CHARLIE MURPHY.
- I WAITED, 'CAUSE I KNEW WHAT HOTEL HE WAS STAYIN' IN.
EDDIE AND THEM WENT HOME
AND I SAID, "YO, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
I SHOT OVER TO THE HOTEL, WENT UP TO HIS ROOM,
KNOCKED ON THE DOOR.
- SO THEN HE COMES IN THERE.
AND I SAID, "LOOK, BITCH, I'M RICK JAMES."
SMACKED HIM. [chuckling]
OH, CHARLIE MURPHY!
HE HAD HIS HEAD COCKED TO THROW ANOTHER RIGHT HAND.
WHEN HE WAS COMING FOR IT, I JUST CAME--BLAOW!
I CAUGHT HIM WITH THE FRONT.
- HE'LL TELL IT LIKE HE GAVE ME
SOME KIND OF BRUCE LEE CROSSKICK OR SOMETHIN'.
- I KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, MAN.
- [screams]
[screams in slow motion]
- THE WIND IS KNOCKED OUT OF HIM.
AND THEN HE SCREAMS OUT...
- SECURITY!
- THE ONE IN THE FRONT, HE HAD CROOKED EYES AND SHIT.
HIS ONE EYE WAS LOOKIN' AT ME.
THE OTHER ONE WAS LOOKING AT RICK.
RICK HAD EDGED OVER BY THE WINDOW.
- NOW, DARKNESS, THE TABLES ARE TURNED.
DO WITH HIM WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
- YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TAKE ONE MORE STEP,
I'M KICKIN' THIS NIGGA OUT THE MOTHERFUCKIN' WINDOW.
- BOBBY, FREEZE!
- YOU KNOW YOU WAS WRONG FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME EARLIER.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FACE.
- I'M SORRY, CHARLIE MURPHY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I WAS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.
I'LL OFFER YOU A TRUCE.
THE STICKIEST OF THE ICKY.
YOU WANT TO SMOKE WITH THE OLD BOY, RICK JAMES?
- YO, MAN, MY FOREHEAD IS BUMPIN', MAN.
- NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,
I THINK I'M BLEEDING INSIDE MY CHEST.
BUT I GOT THE MEDICINE.
BITCH, COME OVER HERE
AND HAVE SEX WITH CHARLIE MURPHY.
I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH.
- THAT WAS HOW THAT PARTICULAR INCIDENT ENDED,
BUT IT WASN'T THE LAST TIME I HAD TO WHIP HIS ASS...
WHIP HIS ASS... WHIP HIS ASS.
- DON'T YOU THINK CHARLIE'S A LITTLE OLD
TO BE TAKING KARATE?
HE PROBABLY TAKIN' IT WITH THE LITTLE KIDS.
- THE STUDIO 54 THING, YOU KNOW, THAT BLEW OVER,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
BUT THEN, YOU KNOW, HERE WE GO AGAIN.
- COCAINE IS A HELL OF A DRUG.
[chuckles]
- RICK IS ENCOURAGING ME.
YOU KNOW, HE SHOWS UP AT MY BROTHER'S HOUSE FUCKED UP.
- NICE PLACE, NIGGA.
- SO HE HAD THESE DIRTY COWBOY BOOTS ON.
PUSHING US OUT OF THE WAY, BARGED IN THE HOUSE.
MY BROTHER HAD THESE BRAND-NEW COUCHES.
THEY WERE SUEDE, RIGHT?
AND HE GETS ON THE COUCH AND SAYS...
- WHY DON'T I STRETCH OUT?
[laughs]
AND JUST STARTED GRINDING MUD ALL INTO THE COUCH, MAN.
- YEAH, I REMEMBER GRINDING MY FEET
INTO EDDIE'S COUCH.
- YOU REMEMBER WHY YOU DID IT?
- BECAUSE EDDIE COULD BUY ANOTHER ONE.
- FUCK YOUR COUCH, NIGGA.
BUY ANOTHER ONE, YOU RICH MOTHERFUCKER.
FUCK YO' COUCH, NIGGA!
FUCK YO' COUCH!
DARKNESSES, DARKNESSES...
- 'CAUSE OF MY COMPLEXION HE USED TO CALL ME DARKNESS.
HE CALLS ME AND MY BROTHER DARKNESS.
HE ALWAYS SAYS, "DARKNESS BROTHERS."
SEE, THIS IS LONG BEFORE WESLEY SNIPES.
BACK THEN, WE WAS THE BLACKEST NIGGAS ON THE PLANET
ACCORDING TO RICK JAMES.
- EDDIE--BOTH OF THEM WERE BROTHER DARKNESS.
TWIN BROTHER DARKNESS.
- AND WE STANDING THERE, LOOKING AT HIM,
AND HE'S LOOKING RIGHT IN OUR EYES
AS HE GRINDS HIS MUD.
- SEE, I NEVER JUST DID THINGS JUST TO DO THEM.
COME ON, I MEAN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
JUST, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
JUST JUMP UP AND GRIND MY FEET ON SOMEBODY'S COUCH
LIKE IT'S, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING TO DO?
COME ON, I GOT A LITTLE MORE SENSE THAN THAT.
YEAH, I REMEMBER GRINDING MY FEET ON EDDIE'S COUCH.
[tape rewinding]
SEE, I NEVER JUST DID THINGS JUST TO DO THEM.
COME ON, I MEAN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
JUST, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
JUST JUMP UP AND GRIND MY FEET ON SOMEBODY'S COUCH
LIKE IT'S SOMETHING TO DO?
COME ON, I GOT A LITTLE MORE SENSE THAN THAT.
YEAH, I REMEMBER GRINDING MY FEET ON EDDIE'S COUCH.
- BUT THEN IT WAS LIKE,
"YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S HANDLE THIS."
WE WENT OVER THERE...
- HEY, CHARLIE MURPHY!
- AND WE HELD HIM DOWN,
AND WE JUST WAILED ON HIS LEGS.
- AAHHH!
AAH, YOU DARKNESS...
YOU BLACK, MIDNIGHT EVIL MOTHERFUCKER!
BLACK MAGIC, DARKNESS!
YOU'RE ALL DARKNESS!
YOU'RE FUCKIN'... DELIRIOUS MOTHERFUCKER...
AAH!
YOU ARE COLD AS ICE.
- BUT STILL, RICK JAMES,
EVEN AFTER TAKING A BEATING LIKE THAT...
- FUCK YO' COUCH, NIGGA.
- THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S GOIN' OUT.
HIS LEGS IS LIKE, LIKE, LINGUINE.
- I'VE BEEN KICKED OUT OF BETTER HOMES THAN THIS!
I'LL BE BACK, YOU BLACK MOTHERFUCKERS!
WIDE-NOSE-HAVIN' MOTHERFUCKERS!
THEY SHOULD'VE NEVER GAVE YOU NIGGAS MONEY!
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE SHIT!
YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET ANOTHER COUCH!
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT MY LEGS, EDDIE MURPHY!
- MY BROTHER, YOU KNOW,
HE'S A LOT MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN I AM.
HE'S LOOKING AND THE LIMO'S DRIVIN' OFF, AND HE SAID,
"WOW, MAN, RICK REALLY NEEDS HELP."
AND I WAS LIKE, "YO, WE JUST GAVE HIM SOME HELP.
"BUST HIS FUCKIN' ASS AND SHIT.
"I BET YOU HE WON'T COME OVER HERE
AND DISRESPECT LIKE THAT AGAIN."
WRONG. WRONG.
WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT RICK JAMES, MAN.
- COCAINE'S A HELL OF A DRUG.
[chuckles]