Wow.
Oh my god.
Thank you Edgar- where did you go?
Edgar is a fantastic director but he somehow an even nicer, greater human being.
And he's such a sweet guy, thank you for doing this.
Um, also, thank you BAFTA people for making me follow the most charming, adorable shit
I've ever seen in my life.
That's not cool.
That could have been at the end.
Instead, you put me in this position.
That was the nicest- I'm convinced every person I've ever met is horrible except
for Dick Van Dyke.
That was unbelievable.
We're all horrible.
That's how we should all leave home realizing.
We're awful people and that man is the only purely good human being we have.
[Laughter]
Um, this is so nice, look at this- this is a very nice- I don't know if the Stanley Kubrick
one looks like Stanley Kubrick.
This one they made to look like Charlie Chaplin.
What an honor.
This is a tremendous honor.
One thing I hate about honors though is you can't accept them from home.
I tried.
They said it was not possible.
I asked, they said, "No."
And this is true, ok.
I was in London.
I was in London and I had to fly back to LA from London to accept a fucking British award.
[Laughter]
That is not cool!
I almost wanted to stay in protest.
This is true.
I was in London.
I met this lovely woman there.
We were having a great time in London, drinking flat whites, eating Shepherd's Pie, riding the Tube,
and then who comes in and ruins my amazing British experience?
The fucking BAFTAs!
[Laughter]
I was like, "Can I send a video?
Can I accept that way?"
They were like, "Aziz.
John Lithgow is-" Who cares!
He probably hates his family and is looking for an excuse to leave the house.
[Laughter]
Ask him to accept for me!
He's going to be there anyway, right?
Also, we've done all this shit so many times.
You wear the tux.
Some person comes to your house, puts some gunk in your hair and your face,
you get in an SUV, you come here, you eat this fucking awful award show food.
"Oh, sir. Would you like the chicken or the veg-" Whatever's fucking less repulsive, I don't know
I ate a big lunch, I prepped, I've done this before.
[Laughter]
Then you watch the tribute reel of yourself, the most awkward thing in the world,
you get mad about the bits they've picked.
You imagine people that haven't seen your shit being like,
"Really? This guy?
That wasn't that great."
Dick Van Dyke is like, "Well this is funny,
but the stuff in the stuff in the clips I don't really understand."
If Charlie Chaplin saw that tribute reel, he'd be like, "Jesus, please man.
Don't give him a fucking award that looks exactly like me. Please!"
[Laughter]
All that stuff is just jokes.
This is really a very nice thing.
[Laughter]
No, I want to give some genuine thanks to a few people cause this is a very nice thing to receive.
I want to thank everyone at Netflix- I'm being sincere now!
I want to thank everyone at Netflix- Ted Sarandos, Cindy Holland, the whole team there.
Everyone at NBC Universal, Bob Greenblatt, and the whole team for giving me the opportunity
with Master of None to make that show, and all the people I work with all the time,
everyone at Master of None, everyone that I worked with at Parks and Rec,
all the people I work with day-to-day.
Dave Becky, Sharon Jackson, Jody Gotlieb, Melissa Bank, everyone.
And, um, yes.
[Applause]
And big thanks for the people at the BAFTAs for giving me this.
I definitely was sad to leave London and come here in this very ironic situation.
This is very nice.
And I will cherish this award.
And thank you again to Edgar and everyone else.
Thank you so much.
Goodnight.