AMY MORIN: Mental state is really a continuum.
Everybody possesses it to some degree,
just like physical strength, but people aren't either
mentally strong or mentally weak,
it's that we have a certain amount of mental strength.
And then we can always choose to become stronger.
There's always room for improvement.
It's all about the choices you make, the exercises you do,
and the way that you choose to live your life.
You know it's a problem when you feel like you're not reaching
your greatest potential.
When you know that there were things
you could be doing but you don't do it
because something's holding you back, it's usually our mindset.
There's something going on that's
causing us to not take those steps that we want to take.
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So there's a big difference between being mentally strong
and acting tough, and a lot of people get that mixed up.
So when people are acting tough, we'll
say things like, failure isn't an option.
Well, if you want to be mentally strong,
it's more about recognizing failure might actually happen,
but I'm strong enough to deal with it if it does.
So whether you're going to ask for a promotion
or you're going to apply for a new job,
it's not about positive thinking and thinking this is definitely
going to turn out right, maybe it's about realistic thinking
and recognizing this may not work,
but to also remind yourself you're
strong enough to handle it.
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So anxiety is meant to keep us safe.
If you didn't have any anxiety, you wouldn't look both ways
before you crossed the road.
If there's a hungry lion chasing you, you knew to run.
And somewhere along the lines, we
started confusing say social rejection and small failures
in the office, we're thinking that somehow that's dangerous.
In today's world, we don't face nearly as many
of those same physical kinds of dangers.
Maybe it is a social risk, maybe it's a financial risk,
but our brains often have false alarms.
If you're in a situation where you're in physical danger,
you want that alarm bell to go off.
But you don't want it to go off when you're
just say asking for a raise, because it makes it much more
difficult to do.
So just recognizing, I'm not in danger, my body thinks I am,
and that's why my heart is beating fast
and my palms are sweaty.
But that just because you feel that way,
doesn't mean that you shouldn't take the risk.
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An important part of building mental strength
is about doing things that challenge you.
Just like if you wanted to build physical strength,
you need to lift weights.
And when those weights aren't heavy anymore,
you need to lift heavier weights.
So it comes down to recognizing what's
kind of uncomfortable for you and how
do you take those steps?
And it's different for all of us.
For some people, speaking up in a meeting is terrifying.
For other people, it's no big deal.
They can't stop talking, in fact.
So to just recognize, what are some small things I could
do that would challenge myself?
And it might be striking up a conversation
at a networking event.
It might be saying I'm going to speak up two
times in every meeting I go to.
Or maybe it's about I'm going to respond to emails and say no,
because I'm a people pleaser.
Just asking yourself, what are some small things
that I could do that would be a little bit
risky that would challenge me to step outside my comfort zone?
And then keep practicing it until it doesn't get scary
anymore.
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The more that you keep challenging yourself
at a moderate pace, the more that you realize
you're stronger than you think, and you'll actually
train your brain to see yourself as more capable and more
competent than you think that you are.
Because there's a good chance right now
your brain will talk you out of doing
anything that's uncomfortable.
Your brain wants you to stay in your comfort
zone, so it will tell you, don't apply for that new job.
Don't speak up in that meeting, nobody
is going to listen to you.
Don't volunteer to give a presentation.
But when you do those things, even though your brain's
telling you not to, your brain will start to shift.
It'll start to see, OK, maybe you can do these things.
Once you train your brain to think differently,
it becomes easier, because then your brain
won't try to talk you out of doing
anything that's uncomfortable.
And sometimes, you just have to think about worst case
scenario.
You apply for a promotion, and you don't get it.
Well, then how would you handle that?
What would you do?
And sometimes we imagine ourselves
just so fragile that we think we can't handle it.
We think, oh, I'll be so sad.
I'll be so embarrassed.
But to really just take a minute and think, well,
how could I handle feeling sad?
How can I handle my embarrassment in a healthy way?
Just reminding yourself of that can give you
the courage to take the leap.
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So even though I've been talking about mental strength for years
now, I continue to still challenge myself and find
things that are tough.
Again, it's not always about what other people
might think is tough.
I can get on stage, and I can speak
in front of a group of people, and I
feel like that is comfortable.
But sometimes what's not as comfortable is say,
going to a networking event where I don't know anybody.
So I challenge myself before I walk in the door,
I'm going to meet five people when I'm here today.
And so I'm always finding different ways in my life
to say, how do I get better?
How can I get stronger?
How can I challenge myself to be slightly uncomfortable?
And life gets so much easier.
The things that I used to find difficult, no problem now.
And so I just always am working at,
how do you just stay just uncomfortable enough that you
feel like you're growing, learning, and building
more mental muscle?
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