Hey, you!
Yeah, you with the ears!
I’m talkin’ to you!
Only I’m holding down the Z button in order to do so.
From the depths of the Sea of Pokemon Spin-off Titles comes one of exactly two games to utilize
THIS device, a microphone adapter for the N64 that plugs into the 4th-player slot.
Unfortunately, it’s also supposed to come with a mounting bracket to connect it to your
controller, as well as a yellow windscreen on the end.
Having neither, I’ve adapted the device into a lavalier mike by affixing it to my
shirt.
I spare no expense.
Thus, I began my journey, not to become the very best like no one ever was, but to get
this Pikachu to bring me some bacon.
‘Cuz if he can’t do that, what good is he?
Honestly.
Awright, maybe I’m being too harsh on him.
After all, he’s a Pikachu, and thus doesn’t really grasp the intricacies of the English
language.
He can only understand a few phrases, which are highlighted in red wherever they’re
mentioned, and can be a bit dense sometimes.
You’ll often find yourself frustrated by his blazing idiocy, especially when he tries
to eat charcoal or can’t find a freakin’ carrot.
That’s right, Bulbasaur’s picnic was ruined, because you wouldn’t leave the damn cabbage
alone!
We’re not having sauerkraut!
And I thought I told you to go mug a Farfetch’d for the onion you needed, because that would
be funnier.
Anyway.
You get to interact - in a manner of speaking - with Pikachu in various locales near Viridian
Forest, but which includes weird places like Ochre Forest and the Cobalt Coast, which only
exist in this sub-reality (and its spiritual sequel, Pokemon Channel for the GameCube).
Who knows.
All these flavors of Pokemon have opened enough pocket dimensions as to make any cartographer
try to drown himself.
In a sea full of three-inch-high Horsea.
Awright.
So it might not have set the world on fire back in its time.
But... playing it 13 years after its release (or, in Pokemon terms, a Target Demographic’s
lifetime), it somehow manages to be quaint AND adorable, even if you’re being all postmodern
and trying to ask Pikachu if he’s just not a morning person, or if he wants a coffee,
or if he’s seen any good films lately.
You can only try to be not-a-kid so long when presented with this game.
And then you slowly buy into it, as making that stew becomes really important to you,
and you need to direct Pikachu through this field full of irrelevant cabbages and sweet
potatoes and whatnot.
And you may get frustrated, but then that’s washed away by the thrill of success.
You might as well just give in, because though the premise may be fairly simple and the size
of the world rather limited, there are enough items to collect and tricks to teach that
you’ll be entranced for a while... until you get just fed up with the inaccuracies
in the phoneme recognition and can’t take it anymore.
I SAID MAGNETON.
YOU ARE DENSE AS A LOAF OF TURKEY ROLL.