Several of our viewers have requested ways to end the bedtime battles? So Vicki,
let's get into the top 10 ways., Okay, the top 10 ways to stop the bedtime battles -
number 10 is lay off the caffeine and the sugar. That seems obvious, doesn't it?
Yeah, it can be really challenging but especially after about noon or 2, you
really want to not really introducing any caffeine into their diets. Really we
want to limit the caffeine intake anyway and kids become very fond of things like
sodas and things that might have a high caffeine content. The research of
Stanford University suggests that caffeine is is one of the top 3
culprits for disturbing sleep. The other two are alcohol. Please don't be giving
your kids alcohol, okay? Do we have to have that conversation? The caffeine and
then blue light which leads us to number 9 on our countdown. Blue light, like
the kind of light that emanates from electronic screens. Tablets, laptops,
televisions. Very high in blue light content and the science behind this is
that blue light as opposed to other parts of the spectrum, trigger the
arousal sequence of our brain, really. It's like when when the sun comes up in
the morning and the sky turns blue and that activates us because we are diurnal
creatures were not nocturnal, we function during the day and so it activates us.
Screens tend to have that effect so what we would recommend is no screen time
within an hour of bedtime. This might be hard especially if you're using the
screen to babysit child...Or to calm them down, right? Calm them down, I would
recommend instead you go to something else like reading a good old-fashioned
book, telling the story, something else like that. Number 8 is to encourage physical
activity during the day. Get out and walk. Play some ball.
Take the doc for a walk. Get the body move your body moving. Maybe
go for a bike ride. This has obvious physical benefits. The thing that we're
trying to do here is to activate the body to do what it's already designed to
do. And and physical activity allows kind of a reset of some of the systems in the
body and makes it actually easier to fall asleep.
You might try this for yourself as well. And right on its heels,Vicki, the physical
exercise, what do you think we're going to next? Number 7 is diet. Encourage a
balanced diet. Now this can be really hard because some children are very
finicky. They don't want to eat their fruits and their vegetables and things
like that. So, you look on Pinterest, you can look it up there are people that
have figured out really creative ways to get those fruits and vegetables into
your child's diet. Yes and one of the things I would recommend is just at
least having it be available. I have worked with feeding therapists that work
with children from a very early age to help them learn how to incorporate more
foods into their diet and one of the things that they say is to at least make
it available. Put it on the plate, put it on the table. You know some kids are so
mad. They're like, "I don't want they carry anywhere near my face," right? But let's
first at least introduce it. Get it in there. We'll get it to them as quickly or
as easily as we can. I love to watch our grandkids eat. Our daughter-in-law, their
mother, is so good at this. She exposes them to all kinds of wonderful foods. And
so I look over at my three-year-old grandson, just over Thanksgiving and he's
not sitting there with a cucumber in his hand.
Big old cucumber, just enjoying it. Making that available who helps to encourage it.
And we've got other videos too about how to help a picky eater. Spend some time
here on the channel and we can help you out with that as well.
Number 6 is one of my favorite things. Encourage a quiet time during the day.
Hmmm... So we're not really forcing the nap but we're encouraging quiet time and one
of the things I love about this is it gives your child time to just sort of
meditate, kind of think through how the day is gone,
kind of let their body just calm down.
Get their heart rate down. They may or
may not fall asleep, that's fine. We're not going to force the sleeping time during the day.
Oh, they can't! - you know a lot of kids maybe they don't need that
sleeping type to really day. But everybody can benefit from some quiet
time. And let me tell you as a mom, quiet time is heaven. It's a good thing. It's
not very good thing. This is a brain healthy practice. Yes, that even adults really
should be doing. We should be engaging you know at least a little bit of quiet time
every day. Well, you know they found in in some studies done at Harvard. And Dr.
Ed Halliwell was one of the ones that headed this up. He calls it brain
maintenance. Some of the things we already talked about. Like getting enough
sleep, getting a balanced diet, regular exercise and then the fourth thing that
he said was regular periods of prayer or meditation. You know that's interesting
because we're framing this right now for our kids as quiet time but we're
actually teaching them a very brain friendly practice to shift modes from
the regular frenetic activity that kids get involved to something much more
quiet and centered. And it allows them to become more self-aware. And you can even
add in some breathing techniques with your child to help them - absolutely. Okay, that could
number 5, I'm going to use one of my favorite psychological tools - alright -
for parents, it's called response cost. This is a way to shift the burden - okay.
Now, is your child concerned about bedtime? Not really.
They're probably winning them and that's why you're concerned about them. So we're
going to shift the burden of the bedtime battles over to our child. And we're
doing that through cost response. I call it response cost because there's
a cost to their response. So here's a quick way that you could do this or set
it up. Get one of those little zip, closed plastic bags that you can see through
and put about 10 things in there that your child really likes. It could be
tokens, it could be gum, it could be stickers, it...
You pick something but it's something that they like and you put their name on it
in a permanent marker so that can show up to look. This is yours and their eyes
get all big, right? And you get to have this on Saturday, on Saturday morning. Now,
you know we've been having some of these bedtime bowels. It's not fair for us to
do that. So we're not going to argue with you anymore about bedtime.
Whatever the routine is. If you do it the way that we've planned, everything's
going to go fine. If you don't, that's okay. It's just going to cost you one of these.
And then you're sloppy because when parents are smiling, kids are thinking. So,
now what do you do? Well, when you run into what used to be a bedtime battle,
you simply reach into the bag, pull out one of those, "Okay, no problem." And that
one goes into your pocket, it's not in their bag anymore.
On Saturday morning, they get everything that's left in their bag. That's
called the response cost. That was a quick overview of it but it's a powerful
way to shift the problem. It's not my problem, possible problem for you. Do as
much of this as you think you can afford. An inch smile. Okay, kids smile. That leads
us beautifully into number 4 which is to have an established bedtime routine.
We want to make sure that it's no secret. Well, we want our bedtime routine to be
right? Let's go ahead and tell our children what that that time routine is.
Maybe even make a chart but get an established bedtime routine. It can be
whatever your family wants it to be, right? Get that routine, get it set up,
help the child to know what to do to be successful at a bedtime routine. Don't
leave them guessing. Keep it pleasant and positive and the
different steps of that routine will help to prepare them to actually retire
when it's time to go to bed. So it will trigger them for the next steps,
bedtime routines, big one. As with most of parenting, Vicki, it's so important
thing. You know this because you're a speech therapist. You work with a lot of
kids - to be consistent. Yeah, consistency is sometimes the most challenging but
I feel like one of the most important things we can do. Like what's the bedtime
routine. For example, if you do it now and then you don't do it for 3 or 4
days and then you do it again. That's not going to have nearly the same impact as
"Okay, we've got this routine. We do it every night." Hm-hmm and then your kids
begin to anticipate and expect that and it helps so much to stay consistent.
Number 2 is to create a culture of positivity and love. Seems like that
should be known. Well, we're getting close. Are we? Your job is to love them no
matter what and even if. And that's why I like that particular step. But it leads
us right to number 1. And I picked number 1 on this list for a number of
reasons. We're talking about bedtime vowels, right? How many people are
required to have a battle? It always takes 2 at least 2, right? Right. If
there's only one, you don't have a battle. So here's number 1. Opt out of the
fight. Choose not to fight. You're not going to battle with your child. When you
have effective consequences like the response costs that we talked about
earlier. When you've got a bedtime routine and everybody expects what's
coming, you get to very conveniently at this point. Simply opt out. I'm not going to
fight with you. This is just how we do things her. Calm voice, calm body.
Absolutely, you got this. We've got other videos on this topic - How to get kids to
sleep? That's next up. But you might want to go to the positive parenting playlist
as well. Where you're going to find all kinds of videos
that are there just for that purpose to help you be a more positive parent.