Hi so, bad news, I think my arm is broken.
*classical violin music*
S- I’m at Urgent Care. My arm might be broken.
H- Shane feels so bad for himself. S- My arm's been hurting
S- increasingly... increasingly? H- increasingly excruciatingly
S- and like it’s getting to the point where I can't sleep.
S- my left arm up by my shoulder up here... H- and it doesn't hurt to the touch so we
H- don't think it's like broken but maybe like a ligament snapped
H- but there wasn't there wasn't one
H- specific moment that happened which makes us feel like maybe it was like a
H- slow fracture it's in the exact same spot that he's previously broken his arm
S- and last time I broke it i didn't ever go
S- to the doctor and it just healed on its own.
H- so this is an improvement. S- so I'm being proactive!
S- So this isn't exactly what I was expecting
S- they're telling me they're going to have to remove all of my skin.
S- the only way that they can truly see what the issue is, is to get right
S- down to the muscle, and so they use that poster and they said if they
S- if they still can't figure it out they're going to go a step further
S- and go down to the bone. Remove all muscles
S- all organs, and this is not what I wanted on my Thursday.
S- I thought maybe they would do an x-ray, but
S- apparently science has changed a lot. H- Nope! None of... nope, they're gonna do an x-ray.
H- just just so everyone knows, that's the uh course
H- of treatment that has been... S- They're actually very nice. H- They were really nice.
S- They were very... they said they were doing
S- an x-ray and they asked about like what's my range of motion. Very thoughtful
S- care so far. It didn't help that I was hiding under the table
S- because I thought that they were going to be removing my skin.
S- We had to work through that for a bit. H- They were very patient with you.
H- Wish I had eaten lunch before we came. S- You had hash browns!
H- That was breakfast! S- It was at noon! H- Well now it's two and I missed my lunch.
H- I'm hungry. S- Hannah’s breakfast is at noon, lunch is at
S- 1 p.m., dinner is anywhere from 3 to 5, second
S- dinner is at seven, snack is it eight. H- Snack is at eight.
H- Dessert is at nine. It's a very clear schedule and I'm missing out on it. S- and
S- then after nine, it's just whatever you feel like
S- there's no name for it but she's still eating
H- That's called free graze okay? S- Then we put her out to pasture.
H- I did bring a bunch of snacks in your backpack, but I have a mask on; I can't
H- really eat in here. S- This is your reminder: wear a mask
H- Mhm, even when you're hungry. S- We’re not going to go into it. If you don't know, you don't know, at this point.
*classical violin music*
H- So Shane, we're home, what was the diagnosis?
S- It's not fractured, which is good
S- news. H- Well, is it? What is it? S- It's more of an...
S- It's gonna be more of an ongoing problem rather than a fracture that can heal
S- um in looking at my x-rays, which were very difficult to take, you saw
S- those clips. They were insistent on keeping me in my
chair, they said it would be easier that way, which
maybe they're right. I don't know, but it didn't seem very easy.
Anyway, in looking at my x-rays, she said she thinks that I have arthritis
of the shoulder. H- And? S- And what's the and?
H- Your shoulder rides
H- really high and it's impinging... S- oh yeah my shoulder is like in a weird
position and it's it's
complicating the arthritis and the position that I have to sleep in at
night, but I... H- Used to sleep in... S- the position that is
comfortable to sleep in, or used to be.
So, she wants me to see a shoulder specialist.
And I need to like change the way I lay in bed
So I'm thinking I'll just lay on top of you. H- Yeah. It’s fine.
And I'll use the area between your boobs kind of as my arm
sleeve. H- Oh that's where your... that's where your shoulder will rest?
Where I'll be most comfortable? It's for my therapy. H- No,
H- that's not, nope.
Shane's new favorite phrase within minutes of getting home is
oh my arthritis so uh that's what i'm gonna get to experience
now. Thank you, everyone. S- Oh my arthritis! H- Wish me luck.
H- We're just enjoying our peaceful adult dinner
H- Hey Chloe
H- What are you doing? Are you interrupting? No one's paying attention to Chloe. She's
S- Chloe, what are you doing? H- having a difficult time dealing with it.
S- Sounds like you're uh digging a hole back there.
H- Yeah, with her back.
H- Chloe! Go go go!
H- Go go go!
H- Wahooo!
We're going on what might be the greatest adventure of my life
in pursuit of childhood burritos.
So Shane has this thing uh that he has talked about way too many times
in the past couple of years that I've known him
um and that is the burritos that he used to get
for school lunch in elementary school and high school. Is at all of your...?
Elementary, middle, and high. In his Bethlehem public school system they
apparently had the best burritos (S- these burritos) packaged
burritos.
Well they weren’t packaged.
They were served unpackaged. Are these the burritos in your book where you talk
about your jaw giving out? S- yes yes good call.
but I thought you couldn't chew
those burritos after that? You could?
No, I was grappling at that point with a newfound weakness. Now I can chew them fine.
H- You can still chew them? S- I assume so. I haven’t had them since high school. H- You chew them but it was just harder.
It was a new sensation then.
Not being able to swallow. Ahh okay I see.
You’ve gotten used to it.
Now we've bought dozens, hundreds of frozen burritos in various
stores trying to find something that's (S- trying
S- to get back that memory.) to these burritos, and alas nothing
is the same. I'm starting to think that these burritos didn't even exist.
I don't know because... S- I am too! Until I put something up on Twitter.
This is how desperate Shane is. He put out what like a casting call for someone to
bring him his burritos. And I said if anyone out there in the
internet can find for me the burritos that were
served en masse by the Bethlehem Areas School
District between 2000 and I don't know 2000
and 2010 when I graduated. I said if you can find them I will name
my first child after you, and later that day I get a picture
message of the burritos. They have a very
distinct like like Package?
No the end of them, the end of the burrito
always had some like crispy burnt inside that like leaks out
kind of like when you make a hot pocket (H- charming) and squirts out.
And it was the burritos, like I knew it immediately it was the
right ones. I was like oh my god where do you get
them? And this person said
I get them from a wholesaler; my family loves them um and
I can get you some if you would like? And I was like oh well like
they're frozen, like shipping that would be
a lot, like just don't, thank you but I can look into getting them. I was amazed
that they were real and not like a figment in my
imagination. She says I need to be in the Twin Cities
on Friday. We can meet up. I was like no way
like you live near me um so we are going now to meet her in a
parking lot to get some of the burritos from my
youth. I cannot believe that this is happening.
I am so excited to see if they live up to what I
remember about them. They were so soft, and delicious, and you dip them in sour
cream. And you found out that the flavor
is actually chili chicken, there's no beef in the beef burritos that Shane
loved for so many years. So I’m already misremembering, but I think they do taste like beef.
H- Well chili chicken, I think that’s probably
They were trying to make it taste like beef I can't wait. I'm not going to be
trying these, just so everyone is clear, this isn't
something that I'm excited to eat. I cannot believe we are driving to do
this. I hope everyone makes an adequate amount
of fun of you for this. Thank you for coming along on this
adventure. Yeah you're welcome.
S- Thank you Katie!
H- Are they right Shane? S- Hold them up to me. LOOK. Lemme...
H- No, no you don't need to kiss it. S- Oh my god. I'm so excited. H- Are they the right ones?
Alright we need to get home, I need to eat them. H- Do you recognize them?
I recognize them. They’re the ones.
H- Okay.
Katie also brought us beer for Shane, and then a bag of candy, it's all my
favorites. It's I have it memorized because it's all my
favorites. It's milk duds, twizzlers, sour patch kids and
kit kats. Hannah is giddy. She thought we were
coming only for burritos, but Katie really uh came through and
Hannah is like. I am so excited that was so nice. Katie...
thank you. This is extremely generous of you
yeah and you made our, well my year. H- This is the most exciting day we've had in
like six months so thank you for that. S- Thank you.
They're the right ones oh my god they're so good. They completely live up
to my childhood memory, and now I have to find
a like a factory supplier to have these
all the time, because I can't keep asking poor Katie to drive
to meet me in parking lots. Wow, so good. Hannah what's your review?
Hannah took a bite as well. It's not something
that I personally love. I understand
why Shane loves it, um it's very soft. The chili taste really comes
through. It's more it's more like um a meal or gruel that's on the inside of
these burritos. S- A gruel! It's good, it has a good flavor.
I actually, I am pleasantly surprised, but yeah it is really
like a one texture, like they just mash it all together and just
it's just one thing on the inside of these burritos. They're so delicious.
They're called Crispitos, (Oh ok) they're made by I think Tyson if you're
looking to find a factory supplier of your own.