THANK YOU.
♪ THROUGH THE POURING RAIN... ♪♪
OKAY WENDY...
I TOLD THE AGENCY TO SEND ANYBODY OVER,
REGARDLESS OF EXPERIENCE,
BECAUSE WE'RE DESPERATE FOR HELP...
I JUST HAD ANOTHER KID QUIT ON ME TODAY.
IT'S NICE TO HAVE AN ADULT APPLYING FOR A CHANGE.
THANKS.
I'M CHANGING CAREERS AND IT'S...
DIFFICULT TO GET INTO A NEW FIELD.
OH, WHAT WAS YOUR LAST JOB ?
I WAS KIND OF A WHORE.
AREN'T WE ALL IN A WAY, HUH ?
I GUESS SO.
OKAY WENDY,
LET'S SEE EXACTLY HOW YOU SOLD YOURSELF...
OKAY, IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU WERE A DANCER,
WERE THESE NATIONAL TOURS ?
NO, THEY WERE STRIP CLUBS.
I PUT DOWN DANCING BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED BETTER.
OKAY, LET'S FORGET ABOUT JOB EXPERIENCE,
I DON'T THINK ANY OF IT'S GONNA APPLY.
OKAY, SPECIAL SKILLS: "EATING WHILE DRIVING".
EXPLAIN THAT.
YOU KNOW HOW IT'S GOOD TO KILL TWO BIRDS WITH TWO STONES ?
WELL-- CAN I SMOKE IN HERE ?
NO.
ANYWAY, IF I'M HUNGRY
AND I GOTTA DO A LOT OF ERRANDS
I GET IN MY CAR, I GO THROUGH THE DRIVE-THRU
AND THEN EAT WHILE I DO MY ERRANDS.
Y'KNOW, LIKE IF I GOTTA PICK UP A GIRL WHO DOESN'T HAVE A CAR
OR I GOTTA SCORE SOME
OR I GOTTA BUY A BOX OF CONDOMS IN BULK--
OKAY WENDY, SPECIAL SKILLS DON'T APPLY EITHER.
YOU HAVE A SECTION ON YOUR RESUME ENTITLED
"MY DO's AND DON'Ts".
I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
OKAY, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN ?
I WON'T "S" THE "D" AND YOU CAN'T "C" ON MY "F".
"I WON'T SUCK YOUR DICK,
YOU CAN'T COME ON MY FACE."
I PUT IT IN INITIALS 'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED BETTER.
I WOULDN'T PUT THAT ON MY RESUME.
WELL, THAT'S MY OLD RESUME.
WHAT DOES "D.P." STAND FOR ?
DOUBLE PENETRATION.
"T.P." ?
TRIPLE PENETRATION.
"FA/P/LM" ?
FARM ANIMALS / PETS / LUNCH MEAT.
"L" INSIDE A "C" ?
I WON'T LAY INSIDE A COFFIN.
"F" A "T" ?
I WON'T FIST A TURKEY.
"DHD" ON A "HC" ?
I WILL NOT SUCK A DOUBLE-HEADED DILDO ON A HOVERCRAFT.
THAT'S INSANE !
I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I WON'T DO IT !
"SECRET SANTA" IS THAT WHAT I HOPE IT IS ?
YEAH, YEAH, EVERY CHRISTMAS,
WE DO SECRET SANTA
AND I ALWAYS GIVE THE BEST GIFTS.
OH, GREAT !
LIKE ONE YEAR I GAVE THIS CHICK
THE HAND OF ADONIS WITH THE MINTY GRAB BAG.
WHAT WAS THAT ?
IT'S A 12-INCH DILDO WITH BALLS.
OKAY WENDY, I'M SORRY.
I'D LOVE TO GIVE YOU YOUR FIRST BREAK,
BUT YOU'RE JUST NOT QUALIFIED FOR THIS JOB.
OH,
I WOULDN'T ACT SO SUPERIOR IF I WERE YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE, 40-PLUS YEARS OLD ?
AND YOU
IN A FRANCHISE COFFEE SHOP.
IS THAT WHAT YOU DREAMED OF...
WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG... AND BEAUTIFUL ?
NO...
( sobbing ) OH CHRIST...
I WANTED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.
HEY...
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT WE WANT TO BE.
♪ THE WHORE AND THE MANAGER ♪
♪ BOTH TRYIN' TO MEND THEIR WAYS ♪
♪ OHH, HE WANTS TO LIVE ON THE MOON ♪
♪ SHE JUST WANTS TO WORK DAYS ♪
♪ SHE CAME UP FROM POVERTY ♪
♪ AND HE CAME UP FROM SENSIBLE STUFF ♪
♪ OHHH, THE WHORE DREAMS OF LIVING CLEAN ♪
♪ HE DREAMS OF LIVING HIS ROUGH ♪
♪ WHEN GOD MADE US ALL ♪
♪ HE HAD A DREAM ♪
♪ WE WOULD LIVE OUR OWN WAY... ♪
♪ AND THE WHORE AND THE MANAGER ♪
♪ THEY'LL GET THERE TOO ♪
♪ BUT THERE'S A PRICE THEY'LL HAVE TO PAY... ♪
♪ WE ALL PRAY, PRAYYYY ♪
♪ FOR WHAT WE HAVE TODAY ♪
YOU'VE GIVEN ME STRENGTH TO FOLLOW MY DREAMS.
I'M GOING TO QUIT THIS PLACE AND JOIN THE SPACE PROGRAM.
GOOD FOR YOU.
AND I'M GOING TO THROW YOU A WILD PARTY,
'CAUSE I NEVER HAD AN ASTRONAUT FRIEND BEFORE.
♪ WHAT WE HAVE... TODAY ♪