>>> I THINK WOMEN TAKE IT A
LITTLE MORE SERIOUSLY AND PUT
MORE HEART AND FEELING IN
EVERYTHING ELSE IN IT AND GUYS
JUST KIND OF ROLL WITH IT AND DO
WHAT THEY'RE TOLD AND HOPE THAT
THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING.
>> GUYS ARE MORE OUTSPOKEN AND
VOCAL ABOUT IT AND GIRLS JUST
LIKE TO BE FLATTERED.
>> WOMEN KIND OF BUILD UP THEIR
FEECIALTION KEEP THEM INSIDE.
-- FEELINGS, KEEP THEM INSIDE.
AND KIND OF EXPECT THE MAN TO
UNDERSTAND WITHOUT TELLING THEM.
>> SHE'S HUNGRY BUT DOESN'T KNOW
WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO.
LIKE THE COMMON BOY/GIRL FIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
OKAY.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
NO.
>> THEY ALL HAVE SMILES ON THEIR
I LOVE THAT.
WELCOME BACK TO "HOUSTON LIFE."
WE'RE BACK WITH MARRIAGE AND
FAMILY THERAPIST
DR. DIFFICULTIANA COLES AND
CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST EMILY.
>> AND WE HAVE MR. MAN, HE IS
BEHIND THE SCREEN AND USING A
DIFFERENT VOICE TO PROTECT HIS
MANHOOD.
LET'S GET INTO --
>> THAT AND NOT SOUND RIGHT.
>> AT ALL.pp
SO LET'S GET INTO THE
WOMEN.
ARE THERE LIKE CHEMICAL
DIFFERENCES OR DNA DIFFERENCES,
TRAITS?
>> THERE ARE.
THERE ARE SOME.
BUT I THINK WE REALLY DON'T WANT
TO SAY, THIS IS WHY MEN DO THIS,
THIS IS WHY WOMEN DO THIS.
CHANCES IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON OF
THE OPPOSITE SEX, YOU NEED TO
APPRECIATE SOME OF THESE
BEHAVIORS THAT ARE UNHEALTHY
BECAUSE OF THAT.
>> IF YOU ARE KNOWN TO BE A BAD
COMMUNICATOR, MAYBE THAT MEANS
WORK HARDER TO COMMUNICATE.
>> EXACTLY.
THE FACT AND IF WE'RE LOOKING AT
THE BRAINS, THEY'VE FOUND MORE
SIMILARITIES BETWEEN MEN AND
WOMEN THAN DIFFERENCES.
I THINK A LOT OF IT IS WHAT'S
CULTURALLY INSTILLED.
AND I ENCOURAGE -- I GET A LOT
OF MALE CLIENTS.
I SEE A LOT OF COUPLES THAT OF
THE INDIVIDUALS WHO COME IN,
PROBABLY 75% OF THEM ARE MEN.
AND ONE OF THE THINGS WE TALK
ABOUT IS GETTING IN TOUCH WITH
THAT FEM MIN SITE.
IT DOESN'T MAKE NEM ANY LESS
MASCULINE.
IT MAKES THEM MORE WHOLE.
IT SERVES THEM BETTER IF THEIR
CAREERS.
>> WE BOTH SEE COUPLES AS WELL.
SO WHAT ARE SOME OF THE STEPS
COUPLES CAN TAKE TO BETTER
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER AND
DIFFERENCES?
>> THINK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT SORT OF MALE OR FEMALE
GENDER STEREOTYPES THAT THEY
RELATIONSHIPS.
WE'RE BROUGHT UP WITH DIFFERENCE
STEREOTYPES IN OUR HOUSEHOLDS.
THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE
PRESENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS
AN ADULT.
SO HAVING THEM PINPOINT WHAT
THEY DON'T WANT IS A GOOD PLACE
TO START.
THIS ONE.
CAVE?
IS THAT BECAUSE YOU NEED SOME
SOLO TIME OR YOU'RE TRYING TO
GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME?
>> GUYS -- GUYS ARE GUYS, MAN.
WE DO GUY THINGS.
WE HUNT.
WE FISH, WE RACE CARS.
IT'S -- IT'S PART OF OUR D.N.A.
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE -- IT
DOESN'T NEGATE THE RELATIONSHIP
WITH WOMEN AND I DON'T KNOW WHY
FIXED.
THAT'S NOT REALLY -- I MEAN,
WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO BE MORE
SENSUAL, I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT ABOUT LOOKING AT IT FROM
OUR PERSPECTIVE?
>> I'M ALL FOR HOBBIES.
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE
HOBBIES IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.
IT'S JUST ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT
THE HOBBIES TEND TO TAKE YOU
AWAY MORE THAN BRING YOU
TOGETHER.
AS FAR AS MAN CAVES, I
UNDERSTAND THE AUTONOMY AND A
ISOLATION.
SO THEY REALLY APPRECIATE THAT
QUIET TIME.
AND I THINK IT OFTEN CAN HELP TO
MAKE SURE WHEN THEY ARE PRESENT
WITH THEIR LOVED ONE, THAT
ENGAGED.
>> IS THAT ALSO WHY LIKE WHEN
GUYS GO TO THE BATHROOM, NO
MATTER WHAT, THEY'RE IN THERE
FOR 30 MINUTES -- WHEREAS WOMEN
ARE RUNNING IN AND OUT.
>> THAT'S ANOTHER SHOW.
THAT'S ANOTHER SHOW.
>> IT IS NOT TRUE.
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> I DO THINK -- A LOT OF GUYS
SPEND MORE TIME IN THE BATHROOM
AND THEY ARE JUST IN THERE LIKE
READING OR PLAYING A GAME ON
THEIR PHONE.
>> WHEN WOMEN GO TO THE BATHROOM
LIKE IN AN ARMY OF FRIENDS,
WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO STAY
TIME.
>> TALKING.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> PUBLIC.
>> ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.
>> THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO ONE OF
THE POINTS WHEN HE WAS TALKING
HOW GUYS LIKE TO HUNT AND FISH.
TWO COINS.
ONE, I ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO HAVE
THEIR OWN EXTERNAL HOBBIES.
YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOURSELF
IN A RELATIONSHIP, SO IT'S
IMPORTANT FOR EACH PERSON TO
OCCASIONALLY DO THEIR OWN THING.
AND YOU WANT TO FOSTER SOME OF
THAT TIME FOR YOUR GUY TO SPEND
TIME WITH OTHER GUYS.
WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO TALK TO
OTHER WOMEN AND TO VERBALIZE
THEIR FEELINGS.
AND GUYS JUST AREN'T AS MUCH.
AND SO TO A DEGREE, IT'S GOOD
FOR THEM TO HAVE THAT TIME.
>> LET ME ASK A QUESTION.
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MAN CAVES.
WE GOT TO HAVE MAN CAVES AND
BOATS AND ALL THIS.
WHAT ABOUT WOMEN WHEN IRE IN THE
$200,000 HOUSE AND YOU WANT TO
MOVE INTO THE $500,000 HOUSE?
WHAT CATEGORY DOES THAT FIT IN?
>> WOMEN NEED A SHOE CLOSET.
>> WOMEN -- I THINK A FIGURATIVE
WOMEN'S CAVE WOULD BE GOING TO
LUNCH WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR
HAVING HAPPY HOUR WITH THE GIRLS
OR ON WEEKENDS YOU GO TO YOGA.
>> OR JUST -- HAVING A TIME AND
TAKING A NICE BATH.
[OVERLAPPING SPEAKERS]
>> I CALL AT THIS TIME CLOSET
RABBIT HOLE.
POSSIBLE.
WE HAVE NIGHTS THAT ARE
SPECIFICALLY FOR US TO BE ABLE
TO DO WHATEVER WE WANT.
OR BY OURSELVES.
SO I CAN SAY, HEY, I'M GOING TO
GO WORK AT STARBUCKS ON MY
NIGHTS.
AND THAT'S MY NIGHT TO DO
WHATEVER I WANT.
HE CAN DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
AND WE TEND TO DO THAT.
IT WORKS FOR US.
WE HAVE KIDDOS, SO WE SPEND A
LOT OF TIME TOGETHER AND WE'RE
FORTUNATE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT.
BUT HAVING THOSE SET NIGHTS HAS
REALLY SET US UP FOR NO HAVING
>> AND IT GIVES YOU A CHANCE TO
>> RIGHT.
>> AND NOT BE WITH EACH OTHER
>> UH-HUH.
ABSOLUTELY.
>> I AGREE WITH THAT.
>> HAVE YOUR GIRLS' NIGHT, HAVE
YOUR GUYS' NIGHT.
WE HAVE THAT ON WEDNESDAY
NIGHTS.
>> I'M GLAD TO SEE MR. MAN HAS
AGREED WITH --
>> TO ONE THING.
COMMON.
>> WE GOT A LONGER LIST.
>> AND WE JUST TALKED.
TIME.
MY ONE LAST QUESTION WHICH WE
WILL NOT ADDRESS TODAY, IS
HAVING THIS SEPARATE TIME, IS IT
EVER OKAY TO GO OUT TO LUNCH
WITH A CO-WORKER OR A FRIEND
SEX?
>> AAH.
>> DON'T ANSWER THAT.
>> OKAY.
SO TO CONNECT WITH DR. COLES,
VISIT HER WEBSITE.
THEE, LADIES, FOR COMING --
IN.
THANK YOU, MR. MAN.
>> WE DON'T WON'T TELL YOU HOW
DWHOANG HE IS.