Hey everybody, so Mitchell is here with me on my couch for part 2 of the video series.
On the couch with Kati where you talk about stuff and have a good old time.
I like that, I was kinda just moving to the beat. I think that's the song right there, you made it.
I'm so nervous!
This is my second sesh doc.
Get comfortable.
I can tell you all my problems.
Ready, real proper. Actually, here we go.
This is where the edit actually starts and boom.
Hey everybody! I am joined by the wonderful and amazing Mitchell Davis.
Hello
So Mitchell has a YouTube channel where you do all sorts of wonderful things.
I personally like it because it's very cinematic. I enjoy how you edit things.
Thank you
I know that sounds really weird.
But I also really like his snapchat reviews.
Ah, yeah I'm kinda all over the internet. I like to think of the internet as a giant canvas.
I have a YouTube channel called live love and live where I make sketches and art and sometimes I make you think.
And so today, Mitchell's going to share a little about his own story with mental health.
And so the way that I like to start off Kati's Couch as you know is just asking my wonderful guest what their thoughts are about mental health or when you first were aware of that term.
When was I aware of mental health, probably not until later on in my life. I honestly just didn't know anything about mental health.
I was kind of just like "you're the weird art kid in the family". That's as mental health as it got. Everyone was just like "yeah, that's Mitchell".
Awesome.
I think I didn't really learn about it until I started doing research myself, once I got a computer in my room.
It was like "ooh, let me search a few of these feelings I've got and see if anybody else has them and what they're called".
Synonyms.
That's when I really started to find out about what was going on inside my head.
I always say to my viewers who are younger that you are so lucky. If we had the internet when we were younger, all those things that as a teen give you so much angst and you're just like "why, why am I weird. What's going on?"
To know that you're not would be so helpful at a young age.
There's like a hashtag now you can click with that angsty feeling and you can see a whole plethora of people who feel the same way.
I wish that that was a thing. When I was in High School if there was a way that I could have looked that up in my pocket.
I don't know if I would have turned to Youtube the way that I did though, to be totally honest.
Yeah because it was a way to express yourself, to get it out. Almost like journalling, but through video.
It was also a way to connect with people. I was kind dealing with agoraphobia and was kind of thinking that I might never meet you any other way.
Yeah so its hard to get out of the house.
Yeah so this was my main outlet of: "This is my window to the world",
that's a safe kind of place. Yeah. Early youtube was not about being
youtuber and all that was all about just like I'm alone a lot in my room.
So with regard to medication I know I hear from a lot of my viewers that medication can
feel very stigmatising. Yeah. And they're really reluctant to try or it's taking forever
and I'm so frustrated.
Well first off, I'm pro medication. I take medication. Medication I truly
believe saved this vessel of a man to go outside. I thank medication every day.
Thank You medication. Medication is why I'm here living in LA right now, making a collab.
Living by himself. Came out on his own to do his thing.
It's crazy I think the whole the stigma of it
taking too long is such a hard debate especially because I get when I go to
conferences people come up to me and they ask me all the time like what am I
taking because what I'm taking isn't working and I have this is rule always
have a rule I don't ever tell anyone what medicines I actually take because
everybodys bodies
is different but and it took me a long time to get acclimated to the medicine
I'm on now with three years.
Yeah. And the first two pills that I took destroyed my stomach one of them had me
bedridden for like a month because my stomach was just destroyed and
leave if you've got explosive diarrhoea. Yeah, no I mean no she said it I didn't but
that's exactly what's going on and the other one it kind of just like zombied me
out and as long as you keep an open conversation with your doctor that's
obviously communication do not be afraid to tell them everything that's going on
when you put that little pill in your mouth because it matters. It matters even
if it's just the smallest little headache or something, you know, make sure
it's supposed to be what's going on.
Yes, because there are a lot of actually scary not to mention like
debilitating but there's a lot of scary side effects that can essentially like
do more harm than good and it's important for them to know so if you
know your body best exactly. And also you're the only one who's feeling it. Wow
this is hard how do you do this? How do you talk about this? You just, you just
you know you just go with it yeah because I think it's important even if
you feel like you're recovered to still keep talking. It was really important
because things can change and stressors can come up and you know things are it's
important to keep the communication open so that if something does change you
need more medication or less medication or more sessions with your therapist you
know they're there for you and they kind of know what's going on.
Don't feel like you have to be recovered and then you can never take a few steps
back. That was the segway I was trying to make. Even since I moved here to LA
I've actually changed medicine. Yeah, just because it's gone down a little bit
because I'm starting to learn to manage my my stuff without some medicine.
All those crazies I'm gonna say it's stupid weird cheesy breathing exercises that
they tell you to do all those weird exercises that your therapist says to do
that you go home and go that's not going to work. They actually kind of work.
We don't just do that for shits and giggles. Just a little bit. And honestly when you
start to really kind of hone in and make it more personal and work directly for
you and you really figure out what bits and pieces of the world are
affecting you. You can really start to control things in a way that makes it so
that you don't need to take that pill anymore because you can do it on your own.
I don't know it's it's one thing I always say too is don't be afraid to be
afraid because that human the human body you're supposed to feel fear and scared
every once in awhile
Yeah that keeps you alive, exactly. And what I also keeps you just very human and
very like when you go to a scary movie you don't want to be the one person not
jumping because my meds mean I'm not scared at all.
It's way too intense. That's called blunted like when you can't cry,
you can't be scared, you can't feel, you don't feel like yourself. I would say that your
zombied out. But that's that's a perfect description but we call it like blunted
and so you can say that sometimes if you don't feel your doctor's hearing you, you
can say I'm really blunted
like that's what's happening and then that might be like and then they might lower
your dose or change it. When did you know that you really needed to see someone?
Was there like a pivotal moment. Yes, yes! There was there was a direct moment that
happened I had a windstorm in Ohio about two months into my first year of college
and all the power went out for about two weeks and about a weekend the
rest of the world went back to normal even though they didn't have power and I
couldn't because I realized that I couldn't do my ritual beginning of the
day thing and I just kind of trap myself in bed and it was the moment everyone
realized like a little things Mitchell's doing they're not just oh that's not
just him being him. That's like this is something we actually need to help him
deal with and it was the worst and best day I think because it helped me
start the process but it was also just like the day where I like I felt it I
felt it for the first time was like whoa. You can't function yeah. Where I didn't
think, I didn't think that it had a hold of me is as heavy as it did until it
was like I don't know. I just couldn't, couldn't turn on light, I couldn't
make my bed and I couldn't do the right things the same way that I wanted to and
it just i just started to turn into more of like a agoraphobia obsessive compulsive disorder
and I was having panic attacks. A lot of panic attacks when I was
leaving the house. I wouldn't eat at restaurants for some reason it was just
starting to get fearful going outside. And it just slowly starts closing your circles.
Yeah and until eventually I was just kind of in my room making YouTube videos and
it's like a period when I made the video when i came into existence was a a a lot
of the shots are through the window in my room and I actually like outside like
checking i don't know. I like watch that video and I was like that's
the day, that's the me when I started going to the doctor and was like trying
to get better when I came into existence. When I realized like oh this is the
person that I'm starting to know.
Yeah this is who I'm becoming. And yeah who's not like completely afraid all the time.
And then you start to realize what you're missing maybe.
The thing is I didn't need to realize what I was missing I knew what I
was missing but at the same time I was I was going to the doctor at the time and
I don't know it was just like a weird fuel where I'll make a video they would
watch it I would have a little, make a little bit of money and then I'd spend
it all on the doctor and eventually yeah that's that's what I didn't know yeah
that's why I always liked my youtube channel would change my life not as like
a cheesy cliche thing but nobody literally literally paid for this like
fancy doctor in Ohio to make it so that I can be. I mean it's crazy
yeah I just don't have any money now. By the way when I say rituals I don't mean
just like you probably can help me say this better where you know some people
they're gonna be like all I know I have ticks too I always put my coat in the same
place and my keys in the same place. It's, that's a little different. It's a lot different.
Mine will go to the point where it's like if my pillows didn't look right I
had to throw them out of the house or like I just because the compulsion to
make things feel right and often times we can't even describe what is right we
just know.
Yes, ok that is what I'm trying to say is it's just like it was a feeling
more than it was the way that it looked. It was very, even now I just
like talking about it's like I can't even
I can see it that you know yeah but it's like a personal thing and so each person
will have their own way of thinking right like it's not that I could do
something exactly as he told me and he would like it and think it's perfect
it's like it just has to feel a certain way.
Yeah and so and it's never standard, it's never like, like I get that
there's like routines
that's the word really keen vs ritual is what I'm trying to say is that routines
are fine I mean I have a routine like you're saying the shower.
Yeah but it's like these were rituals I just couldn't break. I know and if you
don't do them you can't do anything or you can't go to the next step.
Yes, it's all in a certain order it has to happen that way or we feel usually like
our anxiety rises if something bad is gonna happen.
Yes and that's like a really weird area too because you're just thinking like
something bad might happen something bad is happening because i think what you're already
thinking about it. This is a weird vicious circle yeah man it's we're talking about
this because like yeah
nineteen-year-old me is just listening hard right now.
Yeah like yes, yeah I remember that. That was really hard yeah yeah
what advice would you give to a younger you then since you've done all this work
and we had that pivotal moment which was not that late in life but essentially
you are in college yeah and that's actually why I left College is because I
realized it was it was kind of a decision in my decision . i was a is it
was a pivotal point where it was like do I want to continue growing my mind as
the businessman or do I want to kind of make sure that all the health is right
first before I continue and that was that was a really big decision
to make and that was hard. I think I tell them to do that. I just sat down
with my Dean and was just like look I'm leaving because I it's not that I want
to it's that i feel like i have to. And did they have a good response?
Yeah no actually one of the teachers actually was just
telling she pulled me aside it was just like my brother had agoraphobia and
didn't get any never did anything you just push through it and he's 40 now and
we can get him to leave his house and she was just like it just seems like
every year later and got thicker
and she's like it's really good that you're you you're taking initiative to stop
it now and I was just I remember that being like yeah making the right decision.
Yeah and it was definitely hard it was a conversation I had to have my family
being like I'm putting myself on a school night because I'm crazy but
because , I want to make sure that everything's good yeah and I don't wanna
I don't want to progress and put all this stuff on top of this bad
foundations yeah when it's already a little shaky.
Yeah and you know that was just like a big, just such a choice
Oh yeah I'm proud of you because I tell them all the time like you don't realize
how many options you have until you give yourself the freedom to choose. Yes and I
even looking back I'm like wow I could have done it so much earlier too in
life is crazy so I would say younger me I would just say take the initiative and
talk about it. I would tell young me to just talk about things a lot more out
loud and see if other people are feeling or understand at all because I bet I
wasn't alone in Ohio. Not at all. You know your teachers and your teachers
said her brother so the anyone that was just once removed from your patch true I
did ok. Yeah I would say definitely discuss it and who and discuss it with
the right people.
Yes boom. What I would tell younger me is to make the first doctor's appointment.
Just go ahead and do it make the first therapist appointment and actually talk.
Really spill your beans because you find out so much about yourself. That is what
I say. That's my that's my final answer. Boom!
Yes because that I remember the first time that I went to the doctor it was,
it was eye opening because I was one of the hardest appointments in my life to
make and then as soon as I made it and realized how good it felt to get to talk
and realize like whoa there's he he knew and I knew and we made a connection and
that's awesome and yeah changed my life from then
and talked to him for like three years. Well that's great. It's never as scary as you
think it is the first appointment so much build-up more like oh my god oh my
god and then you get there and you're like oh well I guess we're just here to
listen and like help me. Exactly. Look here, first appointment little here's
gave me one of the best breathing exercises of my life and yeah we talked
about this was like I was too afraid to go into the back of the building into
his office I just thought for some reason my head was like that's too deep
into the building it's not safe.
I know but he was awesome and he came into the waiting room and ask everyone
who was in the waiting room to go to his office we kind of switched because
there's like a few people. It doesn't matter and he had me I was just sobbing
and because I was freaking out cuz im so far away from my own house and he just
had me close my eyes and recreate the room and say it out loud and and I did
and I thought it was so silly I just thought why is this man making me do
this.
I'm freaking out and then he was just like okay all the things you
named what-what thing is gonna hurt you in here and I just had like this moment
where I because I had built because I built the room so detailed in my head
he's like I know you know everything in here because you're you're hyper vigilant
Yet you you're-you're so over stimulated you've seen everything you
can you could describe the paintings on the walls and you have it was just like
so it shows me that you know what's in here without even looking around so
what's to fear and it was just the way said it is the way it all worked out
I've I still do to this day we're all close my eyes and kind of think about
was around maybe like yeah I think this is gonna yeah I can eat in here who
cares
Mm so helpful. I loved it such a good such a good exercise rebuilding in your
own mind and realizing that none of it is actually fearful at all.
Oh it's such a good one. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing. I'm done!
That's it that's the whole session!
I get to lay on the couch or anything! I mean I thought we were going
to dig deep into my world. But no I had a great, this is great.
I've been wanting to make a video talking about this for a long time and
thanks for coming back.
This is our second time. This is a reshoot. I messed up the first. We messed up
the first. It was a collective mess up, we thought the camera was rolling, it was
not. Well for a portion.
Yes, then we started again and it went to sleep. So does this mean that technically
this is our second collab? Yeah. So I'm a returning guest, even though I never
had my first episode.
Yes that's pretty, that's pretty cool, I hope this video helps you a little bit.
Do you say that?
That's okay, yeah it's always perfect. I hope that this if you've ever
wondered what was going on inside my brain a little bit I hope this gives you
a little bit of chisel. And if you want us to do more, give it a thumbs up and let us
know in the comments. Oh yeah, let me let me come back for a third time.
Yeah we're in focus okay cool.
You know what I love just going for it. Yeah me too, ok I will start recording make
sure and it still make sure it has to have the last few minutes. I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure
well you're recording already.
Yeah you're recording. Everybody's bodies different. Everybody's bodies different.
Everybody's bodies different.
Don't you dare. I'm so okay now Kati. That 's some digital gossip.