-Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching.
Great New York City crowd.
Well, guys, it's a busy time in New York City because leaders
from all around the world are in town
for the U.N. General Assembly. Yeah.
And I just want to say on behalf of all New Yorkers,
this could have been a Zoom.
[ Laughter ]
Have we learned nothing?
[ Applause ]
Two and a half hours to go three blocks?
What are we doing, people?
Yeah, this is the first in-person General Assembly
since the pandemic. That's right.
For the last three years, the U.N. has been home
to the world's largest Spirit Halloween.
[ Laughter ]
Fun fact. Fun fact. Fun fact.
[ Applause ]
That's right. Today leaders from 193 nations
flew into New York on private jets
and drove into the U.N. in huge motorcades
all with one shared goal -- to fight climate change.
[ Laughter ]
Honestly, I love when the U.N. General Assembly is in session.
There's no greater joy than watching the king of Norway
getting into a fight with his Uber driver.
You know? It's just magic.
There's a magic spirit in the air.
For several days, there will be dozens of speeches
at the U.N., and the after-party --
Ron DeSantis is transporting all the foreign leaders
to Martha's Vineyard.
-Aww. -Isn't that nice?
That's nice. Very thoughtful.
[ Applause ]
Actually, tomorrow President Biden will speak at the U.N.
He's part of the long lineup of leaders from across the world
who will be making remarks.
Let's take a look at what their speeches are about.
For instance, here's the president of Portugal.
Yep, he's speaking about how every dinner party he attends
turns into a murder mystery.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-What? -"I wouldn't know!"
Next up, here's the president of South Korea.
He's speaking about all the hot goss
from the "Don't Worry Darling" press tour.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Next up, here's the leader of Finland.
Yeah, he's speaking about
reacting to good news by saying, "MmmmmMMMYESSS."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Next up, here's the president of Brazil.
He's speaking about how easy it is
to steel sashes from Girl Scouts.
You go, "Well, that's -- It shouldn't be that easy."
It shouldn't be that easy.
Next up, here's the leader of Germany.
He's speaking about that time he spent
playing the dad on "That '70s Show."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Lots of speeches.
Here's the president of Latvia.
He's speaking about mustaches
that age slower than the rest of your head.
-Oh.
[ Applause ]
-Next up, here's the president of Chile.
He's speaking about looking more like
the president of Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And, finally, here's Joe Biden.
He's speaking about the Showcase Showdown
and getting your pet spayed or neutered.
[ "Price is Right" theme plays ]
-Come on down!
♪♪
-Uh, did you guys see this yesterday
at the Queen's funeral?
President Biden was there. He was seated in the 14th row.
Well, former president Trump noticed, and he said...
[ Laughter ]
Yeah.
Yeah, at funerals, Trump demands
to be seated directly on top of the coffin or he won't --
he won't show up.
[as Trump] "I gotta be right there.
I don't care if it's open or closed."
[ Laughter ]
-"Me!"
-Yeah, Biden was in the 14th row.
Even worse, he got stuck behind
one of those royal guards with the giant fuzzy hats.
He's like, "Alright. Why even invite me? Come on."
But that wasn't all that Trump
had to say about where Biden was seated.
He also said...
Biden was like, "He's right.
Whether it's funerals or classified documents,
location is everything."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
"You're correct. It is everything."
Well, people are talking about this.
The chief operating officer of Beyond Meat --
this is a real story --
was just arrested for a really strange reason.
Check this out.
-The COO of Beyond Meat is facing charges
for biting a man's nose after a football game in Arkansas.
[ Laughter ]
-Yes! -And in a blind taste test,
he said he couldn't tell the difference between a nose
and a Beyond Meat nose.
-Wow. -Can't even tell the difference.
Well, switching gears, I heard that the latest
Gen Z fashion trend is wearing jeans with the button undone.
-Ooh. -Yeah, which means after
Thanksgiving dinner, every uncle Is going to be like,
"Ohh. I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here!
What am I -- What am I doin'?! Hey!"
[ Laughs ]
And, finally, guys, it is Tuesday.
It's time for "WeTweet." Here we go.
-♪ WeTweet ♪
♪♪
♪ WeTweet ♪
-Welcome to "WeTweet."
This is where we, as a group, decide something
that we should post on Twitter.
I'm gonna show you five different tweets,
and we're all gonna vote on
whether you like each one or not.
You all have voting clickers at your seats.
You can vote for all of them, you can vote for none of them,
whatever you want.
We're gonna see the results live.
Higgins, Roots, do you guys have your clickers?
-Mm, yes. -Alright, whatever tweet
gets the most likes, we will tweet it out live
on the show so you can all like it and WeTweet it.
-Audience: Ohh. -It's a shared experience.
Alright. Are you guys ready for this?
-Yeah! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Okay. Good.
Alright. The first tweet is...
-Oh, tepid.
-Tepid reaction. -Yeah.
-This is the first mask-less "WeTweet."
-Well, yeah, I got a decent laugh up top
and then dive -- fizzled. -Then dipped -- dive.
-Yeah, yeah, but I understand where they're coming from.
Alright, let's see. Everyone done?
The votes are in. Let's see the results on this one.
-Ooh. -Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
Half and half.
Half and half. Good. I appreciate the honesty.
Thank you, everyone. [ Laughter ]
Yeah. -Yeah.
-This next one here is...
[ Audience cheering ]
I mean, it's, like, so close.
It's this close.
It's like, "Ooh, another..."
Come on. Just move the table.
Alright, here we go.
This one, I feel pretty good on this one.
Let's see the results on this one.
-Whoa!
♪♪
-Whoa!
-That's it. That's a wrap.
-Don't go for humor. Just go for truth.
-Yeah. -Preach.
Preach. 194, man. -That was both truthful
and humorous. -Yeah, might be a world record,
194. -Is it?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-I think we can beat it.
I think we can beat it. -Are you serious?
-Yeah, I think we can beat it. -I believe you.
-I'm not sure if this one's the one
but maybe. -Yeah, not this week, but...
-The next one here says...
[ Light laughter ]
-[ Laughs ] Tahini.
-[ Laughs ]
Just say yes just to be nice.
-Come on! -I know you don't...
Come on, Tariq. -I did, I did.
-Tahini. Tee-hee.
-Tee-hee-hee. -Tahini.
-Tee-hee-hee.
-All right, let's see the results here.
-Oh. -Oh, my goodness.
Wow. Terrible. No one liked that one at all.
Wow. -Awful.
-Forget that ever happened. -Yeah.
This will be all cut out.
-Let's check out the next one here. This one says...
[ Laughter ]
-Come on. Think about it. -Yeah.
-Makes sense. -Yeah.
Everybody's just waving. -...friends.
-Alright, yeah, I think this one's gonna do okay.
It's not gonna beat 194, though.
-It's gonna be dece.
-Yeah, 'cause I can tell,
'cause the audience would kind of still be laughing.
-Right, but they're not. -No.
Right now it's dead silence, yeah.
-Mouthbrow. -They've had enough.
They liked that one, but let's see the results anyway.
Here we go.
Ooh, not bad! [ Cheers and applause ]
Not bad. -Wow.
-Still, iPhone charger's the one.
-Not 194. -The iPhone chargers
in the hotel room is the one so far,
but this is the one, right here,
I think might shatter the record.
-You serious? -Maybe. It might -- Yeah.
-Okay. I'm ready. -But it's up to you guys, yeah.
-"Yes" right now. -Well, I didn't say it, yeah.
-I have that much faith in you.
-Alright, thank you. This last one is...
[ Laughter ]
-Come on! We can beat it.
We can beat 194. -Come on, we can beat 194.
Just want the dog to go, "Hey, you know what?
You're a good boy. -Yeah.
-Finally, you -- Yeah. You know who's a good boy?
You are. Yeah."
Alright. I feel good about this.
I feel good. -I'm saying yes.
-I don't know. Let's see the results.
Here we go. Beat 194.
-Ohh!
-It does not. -Number two is
the correct tweet -- the iPhone charger, still,
had 194.
-Ohh! [ Bell dings ]
I'm gonna post this during the commercial break.
If you see it on your feed, give it a like.
Give it a WeTweet and enjoy.