Hey guys, I’m Mike and honestly, I might prefer ‘Kingsman’ to modern James Bond movies.
007 might have kicked off the entire genre of stylish super-spy films,
But he’s been copied and parodied so much that even the real deal feels stale at this point.
Bond... James Bond.
Case in point: 'Spectre.' Like, that was the worst spy movie of 2015 and there were five of them!
So, to celebrate the release of ‘Kingsman: The Golden Circle,’
let’s take a look at some of our favorite knock-offs featuring
Bond Without Bond
And, since the movie is probably what made you click on this video, let’s start with 'Kingsman.'
The original comic by Mark Millar and Dave Gibbons is a more blatant takeoff of 007 than the movie.
In the book, Eggsy is the nephew of super-spy Jack London, who looks a lot more like the classic Bond.
And they both work for MI6, unlike the non-governmental Kingsman organization in the movie.
But the film doesn’t shy away from its obvious inspiration, either.
All of the old Bond standbys are there, just juiced up way past eleven.
There’s the crazy gadgets,
Slick styles,
And ridiculously specific drink recipes.
Martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for ten seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth.
Thank you.
Instead of henchmen who will kill you with their metal teeth or dangerous hats,
Sofia Boutella slices and dices with her razor-sharp prosthetic legs.
Now, Bond usually leaves a trail of bodies in his wake,
But ‘Kingsman’ gets you up close and personal with the gory reality of Eggsy’s license to kill.
It’s the natural evolution of the super-spy concept, and I can’t wait to see how far Matthew Vaughn pushes things in the sequel.
Seriously, how is he really gonna top the 'Freebird' scene?
Up next, we’ve got 'Operation: Kid Brother.'
After ‘Dr. No’ made James Bond a household name,
Studios across the world wanted to cash in.
There were American ripoffs like ‘A Man Called Dagger’ and ‘Come Spy With Me,’
Come spy with me, live a life of danger and of mystery.
She was the kinda chick guys flipped for!
And dozens of “Spaghetti Spy” movies from an undisclosed European country,
We're not really quite sure which one it is...
like ‘Secret Agent Super Dragon’ and the very literally titled ‘Two Mafiosi Against Goldfinger.’
[SPEAKING ITALIAN LOUDLY]
Again, I have no idea what country these come from.
Czech? Are these Czech movies?
But my favorite has to be ‘Operation: Kid Brother.’
Also known as ‘Operation Double 007’ and ‘O.K. Connery,’
it “stars” O.G. Bond Sean Connery’s little brother Neil.
He was working as a plasterer in Scotland when the producers found him,
And even though he had zero acting experience, he sort of looked like his big bro and the accent was spot on.
Not that it mattered, because they dubbed his voice with an American actor after the fact.
Actually, it's my fault. I didn't hear you but I'm capable of lip-reading.
I guess they tried to hide the blatant copyright infringement by hiring a bunch of actual Bond movie vets,
including the original M, Bernard Lee, and Moneypenny, Lois Maxwell.
Maxwell actually claims she got more money for ‘O.K. Connery’ than all 14 Bond films she did.
If any of this sounds familiar, it’s because the movie was immortalized on Mystery Science Theater 3000 in 1993,
See if there are any clues.
He died listening to Rush!
so if you’re gonna watch it, that’s the version to see.
Continuing the trend of close members of the Bond family, we’ve got 'James Bond Jr.'
James Bond, James Bond, Jr!
Have you ever looked at the booze-guzzling, sex-addicted, slaughter-filled adventures of James Bond and thought:
This would be perfect for a kids cartoon!
Well that’s just what happened in 1991, with the animated series ‘James Bond Jr.’
Although the title is less than accurate.
James Bond Jr. is actually Bond’s nephew, which is weird because
1. The books and movies make it clear that Bond is an orphan with no family, and
2. It means that James Bond’s brother is also named… James Bond.
007 himself never appears on the show, which is why it’s on our list,
But unlike the other entries this one is officially licensed.
That means we get to see cartoon versions of actual Bond villains, too, like Jaws, Oddjob, and Goldfinger.
Though I’m not sure his teenage daughter Goldie is canon.
Intruders! Someone is in the castle!
I will take care of them, Goldie Finger!
If you’re a fan of the series, there are actually quite a few nods to famous Bond films.
And if you’re not, it’s basically Captain Planet without the preachy blue mullet man.
I mean, it can’t be worse than ‘Agent Cody Banks.’
But if you’re too cool for kids cartoons, you can check out the sleazy 1986 knockoff
'Never Too Young To Die'
John Stamos stars as
Stargrove!
Lance Stargrove, a high school gymnast coping with the tragic loss of his father.
Who, it turns out, was a debonair secret agent killed in the line of duty.
Of course he was.
And just to hammer the connection home, daddy Drew is played by former Bond George Lazenby.
He’s the only Bond who never returned for a sequel, but I guess he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with Uncle Jesse.
Have mercy!
Lance gets recruited to take up his father’s mantle, and he’s the only one who can stop a mad plot to poison the city’s water supply.
Jesus Christ, always with the f*cking city water.
'Batman Begins,' 'Chinatown...'
'Dreamcatcher.'
The villain, Velvet Von Ragner, is played by Gene Simmons,
And he’s far and away the best reason to see the movie.
It takes a man like me to be a woman like me. YEAH!
I’m not a huge fan of the movie’s insensitive portrayal of intersex people,
But Gene Simmons in full drag is a sight to see.
Seriously, his legs are incredible,
and so is ‘the finger,’ his preferred method of dispatching his foes.
The finger! The finger! The finger!
If Simmons and Stamos aren’t ‘80s enough for you, Prince’s protege Vanity is in the mix too.
Throw in a hilarious theme song, and you’ve got yourself a pretty fun bad movie.
Stargrove! Flying like you've never flown!
Stargrove! Right into a danger zone!
Stargrove! Are you gonna stand alone?
Stargrove! Stargrove!
Now that we’ve covered all the cash-ins and knockoffs, let’s get into some of the best Bond parodies, starting with one of the first:
'Get Smart'
Before it was a disappointing movie starring Steve Carell and our favorite arachnid monarch, the Rock,
‘Get Smart’ was one of the most brilliant shows on television.
Now I'll need an agent to stay in contact with her.
You got it, Chief, the best in the business!
No, Max, I think I'd like you to do this.
Created by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, it was the one of the first TV comedies to get away from the standard family sitcom setting.
No one had ever done a show about an idiot before, and Brooks wanted to be the first.
His spy parody embraced the craziness inherent in the concept,
From the whacky gadgets that never seem to work,
Come in, control!
To shining a light on the bureaucracy that goes on behind the scenes at a covert agency.
This pill, when swallowed, will bring painless death in about twenty seconds. Any questions?
How do I get them to take it?
‘Get Smart’ was absolutely ahead of its time.
Don Adams’ performance as Maxwell Smart was so memorable,
he even parodied his parody by voicing ‘Inspector Gadget.’
Gadget, remember, if he builds an army of indestructible robots-- the entire world is in danger!
Don't worry, Chief, just leave the world in my hands!
‘Get Smart’ wasn’t the only contemporary James Bond spoof.
Movies like ‘Our Man Flint’ and ‘Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine’ jumped on the bandwagon too.
But ‘Get Smart’ is absolutely iconic, and it paved the way for everything from ‘Archer’ to ‘The Naked Gun.’
What are you gonna do about it, copper? Why should I tell you?
Maybe this'll help. I still don't think I should tell you.
Can you spot me a twenty?
How about now? Allright, I'm going down to Ludwig's office. I'll find out if you're telling the truth.
Speaking of which, let’s talk about 'Spy Hard.'
Really, it’s your typical insane Leslie Nielsen spoof,
Although it’s the only movie I’ve ever seen where Hulk Hogan and Hillary Clinton beat on the same bad guy.
Honestly, I’m only bringing it up as an excuse to talk about Weird Al’s awesome opening credits song.
It’s a spot-on homage to the title sequences in the Bond films, especially ‘Thunderball.’
He's always there when the chips are beginning to fall...
So he strikes like thunderball.
He directed it himself,
and that super-long note he sings at the end before his head explodes?
That was all Al, no looping necessary.
‘Spy Hard’ is still good for a laugh,
but as far as Bond parodies go it was left in the dust by a little movie that came out the next year:
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Mike Myers’ love-letter to Bond is still one of the smartest comedies I’ve ever seen.
One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
That's not mine...
One credit card reciept for a Swedish-made penis enlarger...
There’s the brilliant Lorne Michaels-meets-Blofeld madness of Dr. Evil,
Oh, Hell, let's just do what we always do, hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage.
And it’s got some of the best worst puns ever committed to film.
Who does Number Two work for?!
That's right, buddy, you show that turd who's boss!
There’s even a star-making turn from Will Ferrel as a henchman who refuses to die,
I'm very badly burnt, so if you could just--
You shot me!
Okay, moving on...
You shot me in the arm! Why did you--
The first movie absolutely holds up.
And the ‘Spy Who Shagged Me’ is hilarious to this day, too.
Well surprise surprise, huh?
Look at that now, huh?
I'm dead sexy! Look at my sexy body!
But by the third movie, the shtick had kind of worn out.
And y’know, after 24 movies, 007 has gotten a little tired himself.
I don’t know if Bond will ever be the phenomenon he used to be,
But all these tributes, ripoffs, and parodies are proof that 007 is permanently entrenched in our pop culture.