So , a couple of weeks ago,
I lost all of my friends.
You probably remember I put out this video
on seven different money mistakes people often make
and in that video, I publicly declared, very stupidly,
that I actually enjoy looking at financial spreadsheets.
And ever since then, none of my friends have texted me back.
And weirdly, every time I go out in public,
I just hear people yelling nerd at me.
I don't know why.
Anyway, since then,
I've been trying to make some new friends,
and in that process, I have made a discovery,
which is that making friends really isn't as easy
as it was back when I was kid.
But that doesn't matter,
I actually, I do have some friends still.
There's Bing Bong, there's Gary, there's Tyler, Eduardo,
see I got tons of friends.
Still, I would like to make some more.
And I would not be surprised if you feel
the exact same way that I do about making friends
because this is a very, very common problem.
A lot of people find it difficult to make friends.
Especially as they get older
or when they say, move to new city.
So, as somebody who is in fact getting older,
and who moved to a new city in the past year and a half,
I wanna share some tips and strategies
for making new friends.
And we're gonna do something
that I haven't done in quite a while,
which is make a two part video.
So in this video, we're gonna focus on the process
of making new friends.
We're gonna talk about how to meet new people
and also break the ice
so you can actually have great conversations.
And then later this week,
I'm gonna release a second video
which will be all about
how to take those casual acquaintances
and casual friendships
and turn them into deeper, more meaningful friendships.
Now, today's video is going to include six different tips,
but before we get into those,
I do wanna share a quote
from the author and speaker, Zig Ziglar.
If you go looking for a friend,
you're gonna find they're very scarce.
If you go out to be a friend,
you'll find them everywhere.
Keep this in mind when you're trying
to put the tips in this video into action.
If you can remember that making friends
is about giving more than receiving,
about putting in a lot of effort,
and about helping people,
then you're gonna have no problem whatsoever making friends.
And with that, let's move on to the tips.
Starting with tip number one,
which is to go out and do active things.
Now, this tip stems from a question I got
from a student years ago,
and that has been repeated by many other people
who've messaged me in the intervening years.
Which was where do I go to meet people
who could become my friends?
And this person,
the first person who asked me this question,
didn't really know where to go
because they had really only made friends by proximity.
Whether it be in their neighborhood when they were a kid,
or in their dorm in college.
And what I told them was,
if you wanna meet friends who actually do cool things,
who are active,
then you have to go to where active things are happening.
You can't just sit around your dorm room
waiting for somebody to walk in and say,
hey dude, you wanna play Ultimate frisbee?
No, you need to look
at maybe your campus' activities directory
or like a Meetup group in your city,
that actually meets for Ultimate frisbee.
Show up, and you're going to start meeting people
who are into that activity.
Now, if you're wondering
how to actually find these sorts of activities,
I do have a few suggestions for you.
One, look in your local community.
For example, I go to a gym
that's just a few blocks away from my apartment
and every single time I'm there,
I see bulletin boards
with advertisements for intermural sports
and other groups that I could easily join
if I wanted to.
In addition to that, there are sites like meetup.com
which has hundreds, if not thousands of different groups
for all different types of interests
that are gonna be listed for your area.
So definitely check out that one.
And you could also look at Facebook.
Now, you should probably stay off the newsfeed on Facebook
if you don't wanna absolutely destroy your productivity,
but the Groups feature on Facebook
and the Events feature on Facebook,
these two are goldmines for finding events
where you could find potential friends.
And that leads us into tip number two,
don't be afraid to try new things.
You might be tempted to look at Meetup,
to look at Facebook,
and to only look at things you're already into.
But remember, the human brain is very good at adapting
and you don't know what you're going to like
until you try it.
So try something new.
For example, just this week,
I tried out rock climbing and mountain biking
for the first time.
And I found, no surprise,
that both of those things are extremely fun.
If I only stuck to skateboarding and rollerblading,
which are the things I did ever since I was a kid,
then I'd be limiting myself quite a bit.
But I don't.
I actively try to do new things all the time
because I know that I'm probably gonna like them.
And even if I don't, I can just move on to something else.
Remember, the only thing you lose
if you try something out and end up not liking it
is say, an afternoon worth of your time.
Which isn't that bad of a price to pay.
Now, if you want a few activity suggestions,
I will reiterate, mountain biking and rock climbing
are both insanely fun
and if you live in a big city,
I'm starting to see dirt jump parks pop up
for mountain biking.
So you don't even have to go out into the forest
and find a trail.
And there are also lots of climbing gyms.
And if you're looking for something a little less extreme,
a little less active,
one thing that I really enjoy doing
is playing Magic: The Gathering.
And most towns have a local game shop
that host events like Friday Night Magic,
and Commander Nights where you can show up,
play that game, and meets lots of new people.
Now, to reiterate, these are just ideas.
You don't have to go have a day of mountain biking,
climbing, and Magic: The Gathering.
If something else piques your interest,
go out and try it,
and you just might find a new hobby
and some new friends.
Now, that prospect is very exciting
but I do want to remind you,
tip number three here,
don't ignore proximity friends.
You know, proximity friends are the people
who live near you.
And you had lot of these when you were a kid, right?
You kinda went out into the neighborhood
and just played with whoever happened to be near you.
And this is probably also the case for school and college.
And when people get to be adults,
I think they kinda forget that proximity-based friendships
can actually be very good.
They're only looking for the meetups.
They're only looking for people
who share their current interest.
But the thing about proximity-based friendships
is that these are friendships with people
who might expand your horizons
because they like different things than you like.
Keep in mind that you don't have to have
the exact same set of interests
to be friends with somebody.
And a great analogy for this
is your relationship if you have one.
I've been with my girlfriend for six years
and while we do share certain interests,
we also have a lot of interests
that the other person doesn't really like
but that doesn't stop us from being great friends
in addition to being in a relationship.
So wherever you live, if you find the opportunity
to strike up a conversation with a neighbor,
take that opportunity.
That could just as easily lead to a friendship
as an interest-based Meetup group.
All right, so I've given you a few places
where you can go out and meet new people.
But that leaves one questions unanswered,
which is how do you actually break the ice?
How do you get those conversations going
that actually lead to friendships?
Well, that is what the next few tips are going to cover,
including tip number four,
which is to use the three second rule,
and now that I'm thinking about it,
I kinda wish I'd made that tip number three,
but too late now.
So here's the crux of the three second rule.
If you're at an event
and you see somebody who you want to talk to,
decide within three seconds
whether or not your going to actually walk up
and strike up a conversation.
If you wait any longer than that,
your brain's going to start concocting all sorts of reasons
why you shouldn't, right?
You're gonna think they look busy,
or you're gonna look silly,
and then you're gonna talk yourself out of doing it.
So instead, within the first three seconds, tell yourself,
either yes I'm gonna walk up and talk to that person,
or no, I'm going to walk away.
And then act on it.
And, on a related note,
work to become comfortable with the fact
that some conversations are simply going to fizzle out
or become awkward.
This is probably the most common fear people have
about striking up conversations.
Deep down, we know that the other person
probably isn't going to walk away
or say something ridiculous like,
how dare you even think to talk to me,
Reginald Peevington Lancaster the Third.
Why, do you even know how far my family lineage
can be traced back, what what?
But what people are afraid of, realistically,
is the conversation fizzling out or getting awkward.
And truthfully, this is gonna happen sometimes.
It even happens to total extroverts.
Some people just don't click.
But if you can get over this fear
and become okay with the fact
that it's going to happen sometimes,
that's gonna lead to more interactions
which makes it more likely that you're gonna meet people
who you actually do click with.
And finally, if you wanna keep your conversations going,
then make sure you take an interest in the other person
and ask a lot of questions.
This is a tip for all the people out there
who don't really know what to say
in conversations with new people.
They know they can come up and say hi,
and then they can talk about the weather, if they want,
but then, again, they're afraid of things fizzling out.
If you don't want them to fizzle out,
well, maybe the other person will ask you a question
and then you're kinda off the hook.
But a lot of times they're not gonna do that,
so you have to be the person to ask the first question.
Now I know what you're asking yourself,
Tom, what do I ask them about?
Do I ask them about where they got their shoelaces from?
Or like how many hairs are on their head?
No, you use the context of the situation
for your initial questions.
And here's a great example.
Yesterday, I went to a dirt jump park here in Denver
with my mountain bike.
And I spent about an hour just jumping by myself,
but eventually, I saw other people jumping
and I wanted to strike up conversations with them.
So I started out my conversations by asking them,
hey, how long have you been coming to this park?
Or what other parks in Denver do you like going to?
I really wanna know where else I can go.
Or do you like to ride that's trail riding,
that's actual technical rock gardens and stuff like that?
Or what kind of bike hardware are you running?
Why are you using a hard tail
instead of a full suspension bike?
There are all kinds of questions
based around the context of the activity you're doing.
And again, this is another great reason
to go out and actually do active activity-based things
rather than just sitting around
and having casual friendships
based on really nothing
except for watching Netflix, I guess.
Having an activity that you're both participating in
gives you context for conversation.
Now, there is one final quote
that I wanna share with you here,
which is actually one of my personal favorites.
And it comes from the film critic, Gene Youngblood.
An interested person is an interesting person.
Whenever I hear this quote,
I think of the concept of a Renaissance Man.
Or heck, a Renaissance Woman.
Somebody who knows a lot about lots of different topics
so they can strike up conversations with anybody.
And I'm always reminded of the scene
from one of my favorite movies, Limitless,
where Eddie's at this party,
and he's talking to all these different groups of people
and no matter who he talks to,
he's able to converse intelligently with them.
That's the kind of person that I have always wanted to be.
And I'd bet that you would say the exact same thing.
And if you wanna be that kind of a person,
well, the only way you're going to do it
is by intaking information
from a huge variety of different sources regularly.
And one of my favorite ways to do that
is by listening to audiobooks.
I love audiobooks
because they let me learn while I'm cooking
or I'm riding my bike,
or finally folding my laundry
after leaving it in the dryer for three days.
They're just a great way to intake information
while I'm doing things
that don't require a ton of my attention.
And if you're looking for a great place to find audiobooks,
the best place in the world to get them is Audible.
Audible has an unmatched library of audiobook titles
in a ton of different genres.
They've got all the bestsellers
and lots of obscure books.
So whatever is on your to-be-read list,
whatever is gunking up your good reads,
they probably have it for you.
And Audible's membership
has a ton of great features as well,
including the fact that if you don't like a book
that you get with your credits, or that you buy,
you can return it and exchange it for another book
with no questions asked.
And one of the best things about Audible
is that you can get a free 30-day trial
and a free audiobook download of your choosing
by going over to audible.com/thomas
or texting Thomas on your phone to 500500.
Now you guys probably know by now
that I always recommend a book in these Audible spots
and I am very excited for the book recommendation
I have for you guys this week
because, spoilers,
it is my own book.
Yes, 10 Steps to Earning Awesome Grades
is now an official audiobook
and it is read by yours truly,
and what's best,
as I said, just a couple of seconds ago,
you can get it absolutely free
by going over to audible.com/thomas
or texting Thomas to 500500 on your phone.
You can get that book,
or again, you can get any other book of your choosing.
Anyway, I wanna give a big thanks to Audible
for sponsoring this video
and being a supporter of this channel.
And as always, thank you guys so much for watching.
Thank you for so much support over the years.
Thank you for everything, basically.
If you enjoyed this video,
you can hit that like,
and I'll thank you for that as well.
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Also, you can get a free E-book copy of my book
10 Steps to Earning Awesome Grades
by clicking right there.
Or you can get the free audiobook with Audible.
Description link below
or you can get one more video on this channel
by clicking right over here.
Thank you guys so much for watching,
don't forget to come back in three days
for the follow-up to this video
on how to build stronger friendships.
And until then, stay cute.