OF COURSE, IT'S SOMETIMES FUN TO CATCH THE SMALLER STORIES THAT
SLIP THROUGH THE NEWS CRACKS.
HERE'S A FUN ONE: WE MIGHT BE CLOSER TO NUCLEAR WAR.
BECAUSE, ON SATURDAY, TRUMP ANNOUNCED THAT THE U.S. WILL
WITHDRAW FROM A NUCLEAR ARMS TREATY WITH RUSSIA.
IS THIS BECAUSE OF "CREED II"?
( LAUGHTER ) "THIS ONE IS FOR APOLLO."
THE DEAL TRUMP WANTS TO PULL OUT OF IS THE 1987
INTERMEDIATE-RANGE NUCLEAR FORCES TREATY THAT WAS SIGNED BY
RONALD REAGAN AND MIKHAIL GORBACHEV.
SO TRUMP IS REOPENING A 30-YEAR OLD CONFRONTATION.
THE '80S ARE BACK, BABY!
( CHEERING ) YEAH!
>> Jon: HEY!
>> Stephen: THAT WAS TRUMP'S HEYDAY!
>> Jon: THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE!
>> Stephen: WHEN TRUMP WAS TRUMP.
(AS TRUMP) "HEY EVERYONE, WE'RE BRINGING
BACK NUCLEAR STANDOFFS WITH RUSSIA.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I GOT TO POUND THIS MCD.L.T. BEFORE MY
HOT DATE WITH MS. PAC-MAN."
( LAUGHTER ) AND TRUMP PICKED A STRANGE FORUM
TO ANNOUNCE HE WAS PULLING OUT OF A MAJOR INTERNATIONAL
AGREEMENT: A CAMPAIGN RALLY IN NEVADA.
>> RUSSIA VIOLATED THE AGREEMENT.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET THEM VIOLATE A NUCLEAR AGREEMENT AND
GO OUT AND DO WEAPONS AND WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO.
>> STEPHEN: "DO WEAPONS"?
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT MEAN?
YOU CAN'T DO WEAPONS.
IT'S NOT LUNCH, OR DALLAS.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING,
"STEPHEN, I DON'T WANT TO GET VAPORIZED IN A THERMONUCLEAR WAR
AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT AT LEAST TRUMP FINALLY DID
SOMETHING PUTIN WOULDN'T LIKE."
OH, WHAT SIMPLE ARGUMENTS YOU HAVE, MADE UP PERSON.
BECAUSE PUTIN LIKES IT.
IN FACT, "MOSCOW PROPOSED A JOINT TERMINATION OF THE TREATY
IN 2007 SO IT COULD DEPLOY INTERMEDIATE-RANGE MISSILES IN
ITS SOUTH AND EAST TO COUNTER IRAN, PAKISTAN, AND CHINA."
THAT PROPOSAL WAS REJECTED, IN PART BECAUSE GEORGE W. BUSH
NEVER PAID PROSTITUTES TO PEE ON A BED.
( CHEERING ) ( PIANO RIFF )
ALLEGEDLY.
WE DON'T KNOW.
HE SEEMS LIKE FUN.
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP'S DECISION HAS BEEN PANNED
BY FORMER SOVIET PRESIDENT AND MAN WHO JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
HATS, MIKHAIL GORBACHEV.
WHO SAID, THE MOVE IS NOT THE WORK OF A GREAT MIND.
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
I BELIEVE MIKHAIL GORBACHEV HAS JUST WON HIS SECOND NOBEL PRIZE
FOR "OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN
D'UH."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.