Did I hear somebody–
Was there a French person who had a fiancée?
Very cool, man.
Congratulations.
It was nice.
It was weird ’cause I was listening to you
when you’re speaking, and I was like,
It’s weird ’cause fiancée is French, isn’t it?
’Cause I know this sounds Weird, but in my head you said,
“Ah yeah, no, this is my fiancée.”
And then I was like, “What’s the French for fiancée?”
Is that a little bit weird to you that in English
you have to say some French words every now and again.
Right, ’cause, like, that’s a thing.
Like, we do that.
We’ll be like, “Fiancée. Entrepreneur.”
Like, think about it.
We do that, like, “touché.”
We just say that to each other in conversation as people.
Someone will say something, you say something back
and you’re like, “Ha-ha, touché.”
But, like, I don’t think French people—
Do you guys do that with English?
Are French people just hanging out with each other
and it’s like,
“Ha-ha, you touch me.”
Do you do that?
You don’t, right.
It’s just weird.
It’s totally weird to me.
We just use other languages in our language.
That’s really strange.
That’s exciting, man.
So—
Say again.
French fries, they’re not French at all.
French fries are not French.
I like how you said that with passion.
“French fries, they are not French.
Trevor, I have to tell you all of these secrets.
The French fries
are not French.”
But do you eat them in France?
-Yes. -So, why you complaining?
That’s funny.
You guys are also like, “Where are these French fries from?
They say they are from France.
Jean-Pierre, are these yours?”
“No, they are not.”
“Michel, are these your fries?”
“No, they are not. They’re French.”
“Who are the fries from?
They said they are French fries, but no French person
knows where they are from.”
Ah, man, what made you move from France?
What, you said 17 years you’ve lived in Detroit.
What made you move?
Say again.
In Atlanta.
Atlanta, sorry, yeah, yeah, Atlanta.
You just walked?
Oh s**t, did you say “work”?
Oh, sorry, your accent. ’Cause you said, “No, I work.”
And then I was like, “g*****n.”
I was like, “Wow, that’s one hell of a journey, my friend.”
You’re just like, “One day I was walking,
I was walking by the Eiffel Tower, and I said,
‘I have seen this before. I’ve seen all of this before.
I’m going to walk a little further.’
And then, I walked, and I Walked, and I walked some more,
and then, a few years later, I was like Atlanta.”
“Then, I was tired, so I stayed.”
“There’s no reason to go back.”
Oh, wow.
And then, you fell in love with Atlanta, and you stayed.
No.
What happened?
Oh, wow.
Oh man, so you go to Atlanta, the recession happens,
so now you’re stuck in Atlanta.
That is so dope.
I feel like I should make a TV show about you, man.
That’s like a fun story.
He’s like, “I ended up in Atlanta and now this is my life.”
“How did you make money?”
“I became a rapper.
"In the ATL, I became the only French trap rapper.”
Who else do we have from where?
Yes.
Egypt.
Egypt, oh, very nice.
That's cool, cool and exotic, yes.
How are things going over there?
Ah.
Just blink if it’s good.
And blink twice if it’s bad.
I won’t say your name. I won't put you on camera.
You can go back.
Your president doesn’t have to know you were here.
Things are good in Egypt.
Ah, when you watch Donald Trump, does he remind you
a little bit of Egyptian leaders?
Yeah, a lot.
Yeah, just without the Arabic.
Say again.
They’re also what?
Friends. Oh, they are friends, yeah.
Yeah, he is.
I can see that.
Like, I feel like Trump would be exactly the same
even if he spoke Arabic.
It would be like the same thing.
One of the most interesting stories I read today was
the TSA is planning to unroll a program where they say
they wanna get rid of airport screening
at small airports.
Wow, you were quick.
You were just—
Oh, that’s so fun.
This is the funniest thing.
I said the TSA wants to get rid of airport screening.
He went, “Woo.”
And I said, “Wow, you’re happy.”
And then, he just went like this.
I feel like you’re like,
“I get randomly selected way too much.”
Is that what it is?
Even after TSA PreCheck they’re like—
You PreCheck?
And they said, “even if you paid,
it doesn’t necessarily count.”
Wow, wait.
So, you got PreCheck-ed and you still get checked.
So, they’re like, “nah, we need PostCheck for you.”
We did PostCheck.
Well, what’s your name?
Your name was Salman Mohamed.
Yeah.
But we legitimately changed it after 9/11.
Wait, are you being serious?
Yes, I swear to God.
You know what’s crazy, I’ll tell you a person
I’ve had with a name that had more trouble than you.
I met a gentleman in the U.K.,
and he has never been allowed into America
because his name is Jihad.
That’s his normal name.
And jihad, if you know anything about Islam,
It’s about the internal struggle that a Muslim person
faces every day in their lives.
It’s not about like blowing shit up necessarily.
You can use it whatever it is.
And so, jihad is about the struggle you face
as a human being in your life.
Every religion has a different word for it.
But so, he was telling me his story.
But what was funny was, I Didn’t know, he was like,
"Hey man, America won't let me into the country."
And I was like, "Why?"
And he’s like, “Oh, ’cause I’m a Muslim
and because of my name.”
I was like, “This is disgusting; this is horrible;
whatever, whatever.”
And I was like, “I can’t believe they would block you.”
And I was like, “So, what’s your name?”
Then he’s like, “My name is Jihad.”
Then I was like, “Oh.”
He’s like, “Yeah.”
I was like, “Here’s the thing.
I get where you’re coming from
but in America’s defense...”
Imagine if you were the TSA guy who let him in
and then they would be like,
“Barry, like, his name was Jihad.”
And he’s like, “I know, dude, but I thought it was like
a friendly Jihad.”
It’s not a good thing,
but it’s weird that you have the PreCheck.
But anyway, then you’d be excited by this news.
They said that the TSA’s planning to cut,
they want to get rid of TSA PreChecks and security
at small airports because they say it costs too much money.
They want to save like $150 million, alright?
Because it costs them too much money to scan all the people.
And then a lot of people are opposed to it
’cause they’re like, “Yo, It’s still an airport.”
And then they were saying, “Yeah, but we just don't think
that terrorists care about the smaller planes.”
And I was like isn’t is so funny that like—
’Cause you know when you’re flying from those tiny airports,
you’ve got those little shitty planes that nobody likes.
You know the tiny ones with no overhead
and like, it’s two and then one,
but like, everyone is squashed together.
And I was just thinking how funny would it be
if there is no security, and then, like, they get on the plane,
and then, like, everyone hates those planes,
and they hate flying into those regional flights so much
then like, one day a terrorist does try to blow it up.
And he’s like, “Everybody, I’m hijacking this plane.”
And everyone’s like, “Whatever, man.”
“Yeah, just get us out of our misery.
Look at this plane.”
“Yeah, just end it now, man. End it now.”
Like, I feel like he wouldn’t even have enough space
to hijack one of those planes.
You’d be in your seat, and then you’d be like,
“I’m taking this plane, ah, ah,
ah, ah.”
You’ve got a row of sashes over there.
Are you Miss America contestants?
-Yes. -Yes, oh,
welcome to the show.
This is very cool.
Who do we have?
We have Miss District
of Columbia.
Miss Texas.
Miss Washington.
Miss
Iowa.
Miss Pennsylvania.
Miss New York.
Miss Ohio.
Oh, this is dope, man.
Do you guys just like roll with the sashes all the time?
I like that.
I need that.
Mr. Daily Show. Can we get that for me?
Yeah, I’m just gonna roll with that.
Can I ask you a question?
Why is it that they ask you harder questions
than they ask the President of the United States?
Every single Miss America pageant I’ve watched
they ask them, they go like,
“Looking at the Middle East and what’s happening,
how do you feel we could destroy ISIS for once and—"
And then Miss America contestants are like,
“Well, what I think we need to do is look at our allies
and figure out how we strategically invoke—”
And with the president it’s like,
“What do you think we should do?”
Then he’s like, “I think we should watch Miss America
and see what they say.
and we’ll figure it out.”
By the way, have you practiced your fake-happy-
for-the-other-person-winning faces?
Ah, that’s like my favorite thing ever.
Ah.
Where are you from?
New Zealand.
New Zealand, oh, that’s a long, long journey, yeah.
How long you here for?
Six weeks.
It’s like flat six weeks.
Yeah, that’s cool.
Why did you come now?
Were you just like, “I want to see what suffering
in the cold seems like.
Just wanna feel it.”
Summer holidays.
So, you were just like, “I'm just gonna skip summer.”
Do you guys get snow in New Zealand?
No, you don’t, right?
Not even with like climate change, it hasn’t happened?
’Cause in South Africa, we didn’t really get snow,
and now we get a bit of snow at random times, sometimes.
You guys, no snow.
We get snow like down outh,
really down South, but not where we are.
Oh, so are you enjoying the snow?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, you see I like that.
’Cause New Yorkers, everyone’s just like,
“There’s goddamned snow everywhere.
The goddamned snow everywhere.”
And then, like, every foreigner’s like,
♪ It’s the most wonderful time of the year ♪