[Disclaimer read by Dende]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
FREEZA: To think your race had the ability to produce such capable fighters...
I'm surprised I hadn't destroyed you sooner.
PICCOLO: And to think *your* race has the ability to produce such whiny bitches.
*I'm* surprised anyone can take you seriously.
FREEZA: D'aah-augh!
VEGETA: Wait a damn minute, something's wrong here...
GOHAN: Huh?
VEGETA: Back on your planet, the Namek couldn't even stand up to Nappa.
Yet here he is now taking on Freeza...
*in his second form*!
GOHAN: What do you think happened?
VEGETA: Well, either Freeza hit me so hard I'm in a delusional coma, or...
GOHAN: Or?
VEGETA: POWER LEVELS ARE BULLS***!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
PICCOLO: Aaaaaahhhrgh!
NAIL: 'Wow, you're really kicking his ass!'
PICCOLO: 'Oh, you're still here...'
NAIL: 'Yeah, I've just been watching you knock this guy around.'
'Kind of bored, wishing I had something to do...'
'You got any ideas?'
PICCOLO: 'Now is NOT the time!'
FREEZA: D'ergh!
D'augh!
GOHAN: Piccolo's actually standing up to him, Krillin!
KRILLIN: I don't believe it! We may actually win!
VEGETA: Yeah, that's just, uh...
great, if you'll excuse me though, I've a... got a...
Bye.
FREEZA: 'Oh, for the love of...'
PICCOLO: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
FREEZA: Time out!
PICCOLO: D'agh--!
Huh?
FREEZA: Would you hold on for a moment, please? I'll be right back.
VEGETA: 'All right, I just gotta find one of the Ginyu ships, and get the hell out of here.'
'I'll just go to Freeza Planet 419. No one ever goes to Freeza Planet 419.'
'Not since its species miraculously repopulated...'
[Random prophecies by Kanassans ⬇] I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KID!
THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!
CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FORM!
GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUY!
GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAP!
VEGETA: Ga-hah!!
FREEZA: So Vegeta, where are you going?
VEGETA: Oh, you know... places...
FREEZA: "Places", hmm? Like that mountain over there?
VEGETA: Actually, that looks more like a plat--
EAAAAAUUUUUUU--!!
FREEZA: Sorry about that. Where were we?
PICCOLO: Last time I checked, I was planting my foot firmly somewhere between your lungs and colon.
FREEZA: An admirable feat for a low-life such as yourself. I have a question for you, though...
PICCOLO: What's that?
FREEZA: Die.
PICCOLO: That's... not... a question--
FREEZA: Rreugh! PICCOLO: Aaaaaahhg!
FREEZA: That's because I don't do requests.
VEGETA [snarky]: Well that didn't last real f***ing long...
FREEZA: Oh, come on now, that was just a love tap.
PICCOLO: Don't think you have the upper hand yet. I'm still wearing weighted armor!
[Neck cracking sound]
KRILLIN: Aw man, that sounded good! Now I have to do my neck!
{THWACK}
HUUUUOOHGH MY NECK!
{DING}
FREEZA: Weighted armor, how quaint... And how much does it weigh?
PICCOLO: Same as it always does:
100 kilo--!
...
...oh.
FREEZA: That's just *cute*!
PICCOLO: That... concept just sort of lost meaning after a while, didn't it?
FREEZA: True... but I have one that's nice, fresh and ripe for abuse:
Transformation!
And spoiler warning - it's not getting old any time soon.
PICCOLO: You can't be serious!
FREEZA: Oh, but I am. See, I merely... (trails off)
NAIL: 'Hey man, can I talk to you about something really quick?'
PICCOLO: 'I'm *seriously* in the middle of something right now!'
NAIL: 'Yeah, I know, but I've been looking around and you've got like, no apps on here.'
'I have already played the *crap* out of Minesweeper.'
PICCOLO: 'COULD YOU JUST--?'
'Wait, I have apps? I have Minesweeper?!'
'I just thought I could connect to the internet with my antennae.'
NAIL: 'I didn't even know we COULD do that!'
PICCOLO: 'Well, you learn something new every day. Now could you let me focus--?'
NAIL: 'Heeeey... you wanna play me in Minesweeper?'
PICCOLO: 'You CAN'T play someone in Minesweeper; that's a single player game!'
NAIL: 'Nah, see, first I go, then you go and try to beat my time--'
'Unh, hey, is he transforming?'
PICCOLO: Uh?! DAMN IT!
FREEZA: HAHHHHHHHHHH!
FREEZA (voice adopts raspy tone / higher pitch): AHHHHHhhhhhh!
Ssso, Namekian - what do you think of my third form?
PICCOLO: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody.
FREEZA: What are you talking about?
Yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn!
Let me touch your skin!
PICCOLO: Ugh!
GOHAN: Oh no, this is horrible! How could this happen!?
VEGETA: He's going to kill us all!
KRILLIN: HEEEEELP ME!
PICCOLO: HAHHHHHHH!
Hyah!
Hyah, hyah!
(Rapid hyahs), HYAH!
Grrrrrrrh!
Hya--D'AARRGH!
FREEZA: Poor little Namekian! Can't touch me anymore!
How about this: Let's play a game!
Ever heard of paintball?
PICCOLO: Yeah...
FREEZA: Just remove the "T".
PICCOLO: I don't get it--
ARUGH-HUH, I GET IT!!
FREEZA: Now for your other glu-bock!
PICCOLO: ARGH!
You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you?
FREEZA: It doesn't matter; I'll hit your glu-bock somewhere!
GOHAN: PICCOLO, NOOO!
KRILLIN: Aw, not this crap again!
VEGETA: HOLD ON!
I have an idea, and I don't want to hear any of your stupid crap.
KRILLIN: I only promise to try.
VEGETA: I need you to - and follow me on this one! -
...*almost* kill me.
KRILLIN: Almost... kill you?
VEGETA: Yeah.
KRILLIN: And there's no repercussion for this?
VEGETA: ...I will not punch you.
KRILLIN: Oddly specific.
VEGETA: I'm going to need a moment to prepare myself, otherwise I might go into--
SHOOOOCK!!
YOU ARE SO PUNCHED!
PICCOLO: AUGHHAAHAA! WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING!?
GOHAN: Circling around, Mr. Piccolo!
Hey, Freeza!
The human body is composed of 75% water. I am 100% *death*!
HAVE SOME!
FREEZA: What?!
GUAHHH!
Oh no~! The invincible Lord Freeza defeated by a mere child! What dramatic irony!
Ohohoho nohoho...
Ohohoho nohoho... just kidding.
GOHAN: 'Crap baskets...!'
Mr. Piccolo! You saved me again!
PICCOLO: "Saved" is sort of subjective here.
FREEZA: So, we're all well aware that that all basically equated to a game of hot space-potato, right?
Well then, I say we get a move-on! Who here's tired of my third form?
PICCOLO: Me. GOHAN: Me. KRILLIN: Me.
FREEZA: Alrighty, then! Final form it is!
KRILLIN: Personally, I was a bigger fan of the first form.
PICCOLO: I'd settle on second, really.
FREEZA: HYAHHHHHHH...!
GOHAN: Come on, Mr. Piccolo.
PICCOLO: Urgghh...
GOHAN: Don't worry, we have Dende. He can heal you!
Krillin, where's Dende?
KRILLIN: I dunno but Liittle Green's over there with Vegeta.
GOHAN: Why?
KRILLIN: I blew a hole in his chest.
GOHAN: ...WHY?!
KRILLIN: Because he asked for it.
VEGETA: Gaaugh...
You... green thing...
Heal me.
DENDE: Oh I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you over the smell of my people's blood on your hands.
VEGETA: Oh no... do not be that guy right now.
DENDE: Oh, I'm going to be that guy right now.
VEGETA: I am LITERALLY going to die!
DENDE: Well, how about this: I'll heal you, on one condition...
VEGETA: And that is?
DENDE: Say my name.
VEGETA: Oh...
uhhhhhhhhhhh...
DENDE: You don't even know my name.
VEGETA: OH! I-I do! It's, uh...
Um, uh...
Little... Green?
DENDE: Hahahahahaha - no.
No - it's Dende.
Say "Dende".
VEGETA: Dende.
DENDE: Now say, "Please heal me, Dende."
VEGETA: Please heal me, Dende.
DENDE: Well, since you asked so nicely...
VEGETA: Come back, magic man...
augh...
[High pitch/frequency pulse] DENDE: And you, my friend, are a subject of nepotism.
[High pitch/frequency pulse] PICCOLO: Ughh...
Thank you, magic man.
DENDE: It's good to have you back, Nail.
PICCOLO: I'm not Nail.
NAIL: 'Technically you kinda are.'
PICCOLO: Shut up, Nail!
DENDE: Why are you talking to yourself?
PICCOLO: No reason; now go heal Vegeta.
DENDE: Why would I do that?
FREEZA: AHHHHHHH...!
PICCOLO: Because *that*.
DENDE: Oh yeah... that's happening right now.
FREEZA: YEH-AHHHHHHHHH...!
GOHAN: Krillin, why aren't you using your Kienzan?
KRILLIN: Yeah you know, I keep forgetting to do that.
GOHAN: ...And?
KRILLIN: Well, I kind of used all my energy to mortally wound Vegeta.
GOHAN: Seriously, what did I miss?!
DENDE [off-screen]: (Sigh), twist my arm a little bit more, why don't cha?
VEGETA: You... healed me.
DENDE [o-s]: Of course I did. I'm a nice guy.
VEGETA: And now what's to stop me from kicking your face in?
DENDE: Because you touch me... and you're not getting back up again.
That's right, I'm your White Mage...
That's right, I'm your White Mage... and *nobody*...
That's right, I'm your White Mage... and *nobody*... f**ks...
That's right, I'm your White Mage... and *nobody*... f**ks... with the White Mage.
{DOOOM}
FREEZA (now with a cultured voice): Oh, I feel REAL good about my life right now.
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
KRILLIN: LITTLE GREEN! NOOOOOO!
GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, his name was Dende.
KRILLIN: Huh, that's funny. Never spoke up about it.