hi there I'm Drew Badger the world's number one English fluency guide it
number one English Fluency Guide it really is a pleasure to join you again
today I want to make a different kind of
video so I'm just sitting back and
recording this because I wanted to talk
about something that's very common that
you really won't hear most teachers
speaking about and this is really
understanding the psychology of
listening and really thinking more about
your brain and how we listen to things
and why it can be difficult to
understand people especially natives
when they're speaking so you already
know just from the language learning
perspective it can be difficult to
understand native speakers because they
speak too quickly or because they use a
lot of maybe difficult words or
expressions or their accents can be
quite difficult to understand but I
wanted to talk about more the psychology
here about helping you understand so you
can understand people more effectively
and you can really just feel more
comfortable and confident in
conversations so really this is about
improving your listening but in a
different way than just listening to
more English so there are really three
basic problems here when people write me
and say I have trouble understanding
native speakers or maybe I often go
blank in conversations so people will be
worrying about things and then they have
trouble listening so they just have a
problem that happens and so I wanted to
talk about those kinds of things and why
they happen and then explain a little
bit about what you can do to solve these
problems if these are things that you
struggle with as well so you can become
a better listener and have better
conversations so there are a couple of
things here really three main problems
and it's important to understand what
your specific problem is if you have
trouble listening so the first one is
actually being passively distracted and
I'll talk a little bit more about that
later but just being passively
distracted just means everyday when we
are listening to something or you know
doing work or going to the gym or
whatever our minds begin to drift and we
naturally begin thinking about other
things and it almost feels like we are
like daydreaming or sleepwalking in a
way
way
way so you're doing something like driving
maybe you've maybe you've had this
experience before when you're driving
and then you realize oh you're driving
but because you had just been thinking
about you know what you're cooking for
dinner or something else and you've
driven maybe a few miles on the road
without even realizing it so your body
is naturally trying to drive and your
mind is getting lots of information in
but this is why you know people can fall
asleep when they're driving or they get
distracted very easily and this happens
to all of us so this is the the being
passively distracted by something again
it's just a natural thing that you need
to take time and I'll explain a little
bit more about how to solve that problem
or we never really can eliminate it
completely but how you can make that
better so you can have maybe better just
times in conversations when you're
listening to people and you're being
able to focus more the second problem is
being actively distracted by your own
worrying about things so maybe you get
into a conversation and you worry about
being judged what will the other person
think about me if I make a mistake am I
using the right grammar am i making
mistakes with my pronunciation there are
lots of people in the same way that
maybe before you give a speech or a
presentation you worry we call this
stage fright and you worry about you
know what they're going to think or what
will happen or what if you make a
mistake so this is actively worrying so
you're actively distracting yourself
from the conversation and then the final
problem is if you really just don't
understand what people are saying and
you might understand what I'm saying but
maybe again for normal reasons as I
explained earlier that you're often
having trouble understanding people
because of their pronunciation or the
words they use or anything else that's
really a problem with the language so
the first step to better listening is
thinking about which of these three
things you're struggling with if you
have trouble listening is it just
because of the language or is it because
you are actively distracting yourself or
if you're just passively destroy
and the quickest way to do that is to
think about how you communicate with
people in your native language so if
you're a really good listener normally
you don't actually you don't actively
distract yourself when you're speaking
with someone and you're good about not
being passively distracted you're able
to focus on a conversation and it
doesn't seem like your mind is wandering
someplace else then probably the problem
that you have is really just
understanding more native English
speakers and practicing with that is the
best way to do that so again learning
with more native speech rather than
things that are typically English
lessons and these are the may be fake or
scripted dialogues that you'll get or
practicing with much more formal
vocabulary so the thing that I focus on
is conversational speech and giving you
examples of native speech see that you
practice with that and then you get more
experience with that so reading excuse
me listening becomes a lot easier to do
so if you're first thinking about it in
your native language it makes it a lot
easier to understand what your problem
is now for me I can understand Japanese
quite well there are many words that I
don't know but for everyday
conversations I usually don't have much
of a problem but I have a big problem
with being passively distracted now part
of this is a good thing my mind can
wander and comes up with lots of good
ideas or you know whatever about many
things but I'll often find I get
distracted in you know Japanese
conversations or conversations in
English so I know this isn't a problem
about the language even though I should
be learning more words and everyday I'm
learning a little bit more Japanese but
in general when I'm speaking with
someone like my mind can wander so I
have to remind myself to focus on that a
perfect example is when I had a scratch
in my ear maybe a week ago I went to the
doctor and while I was sitting at the
doctor's office and this is in Japan
here near my home and the doctor was
speaking with me and I had no problem
with the conversation at all I felt very
comfortable and was you know even some
of the more technical words he was using
I understood everything and I had a
great conversation and my ear was just
fine
fine
fine he looked at my ear and gave me some
medicine and that was in but when I
finished with that I walked back to the
the reception desk so I had to check out
after I was done with my appointment and
pay for the service and my mind like I
was standing there talking and listening
but my mind was not actually there so I
was I don't know maybe I began thinking
about something else again this happens
to everybody but it happens to me a lot
so it's something I really have to focus
on when I'm listening to someone or
really trying to give a lot of attention
to the person I'm speaking with so in
that situation I was thinking about I
don't really remember what it was but at
the end I asked them oh where can I
where's a closed pharmacy and I realized
that they had just told me that so while
we were standing there talking they told
me that there was a pharmacy you know
like two doors down and so I started
laughing at myself because I had
listened to that and it basically seemed
like I was ignoring them so it wasn't
that I had like a real listening problem
with the language it was just more about
me myself and again letting my mind and
my conscious mind drift away so then
again this just happens to people from
time to time and it's just something
that you need to practice on if this is
a problem you have so my problem again
thinking about that as a native speaker
speaking English I'm not nervous when
I'm speaking with people and I have no
problem understanding other English
speakers so my listening problem is
again being passively distracted so I'm
listening to people but I'm not paying
attention and so other people will say
oh what did I say or something and I'll
you know get low scores on tests because
I can't focus so it's really more about
a problem of focusing on the now and
remembering where you are to improve
your listening that way so I just
thought that was a really interesting
example of that and I went out and went
to the pharmacy there was two doors down
and and again I apologize to those
ladies but I had a great conversation
with the pharmacist in Japanese also she
was asking me
about where I was from and I was talking
with her about you know why she was in
that business and just interesting
things like that but I remember being
focused in that conversation because I
felt bad about not being focused in the
conversation with the with the two
ladies at the reception desk anyway so
thinking about these listening problems
just to go a little bit deeper into
helping you improve your listening again
the first thing is to just practice
being mindful of your surroundings and
again if that's a problem for you like
it's a problem for me again everybody
struggles with that to some degree so
some people maybe are very good at
focusing other people like me their mind
can drift off very easily and you'll
find you're thinking about something
else that's not related to what you're
talking about or what you're listening
to so in that like the the best way to
practice that is just to remind yourself
to be a wink so if you think about your
mind drifting away thinking about some
other subject it's like you're being
carried away like you're asleep some way
so people never know that moment when
they fall asleep it's like a process how
you just kind of drift off to sleep so I
think about it in the same way and ask
myself am i awake right now so learning
a little bit about meditation that
seemed like a really good thing to apply
to listening as well because for me
meditation and this isn't even something
I do a lot but just the idea of trying
to be present so remembering this moment
that's happening right now especially so
I can show that to the other person I'm
speaking with and that I'm really
listening to them and paying attention
to what they're saying so if you can
begin with just asking am i awake and
then when you're by yourself just
listening to the world around you so
right now you might have even had you
know a thought come into your mind while
we while you're listening to this and so
reminding yourself come back listen and
so just while you're by yourself
listening to the sounds that happen
around you it can be cars driving by or
other people speaking or anything else
that you might be listening to our
brains really get lots of information
and our brains also stop us from
consciously receiving that because
we received all the information that
came into our our body like from our
touch or smell or our ears or our eyes
we would go crazy there would be just
too much information coming to us so we
have to let our minds process that
information and just give us a small
part of that but if we actively try to
focus on right now and stay out of our
own heads it makes it easier to
understand that information so once you
do that then you can start doing with
more people in your native language so
the other people you speak with and then
finally you would do that practicing
more with English again if that's more
your problem the kind of every day being
able to understand and have better
conversations with people that kind of
listening improvement is more about just
learning the conversational speech that
natives do or that natives use and then
when you're learning with actual
examples of conversational speech like
real conversations that natives have
that's the thing that will really
improve your listening from the language
skill standpoint so remember to relax
and you know if you're also the kind of
person maybe that third problem where
you're actively distracting yourself
really just remember to relax when
you're in a conversation and kind of
forgive you know try to forgive yourself
that you don't need to be knowing
everything or that you you don't have to
know every word really just give the
other person you're speaking with the
greatest gift you can give them which is
your focus so it doesn't matter if
you're worried about your pronunciation
or all these other things if you don't
first understand what you're listening
to so that's really important and so
just focus on that so be focused on the
moment right now when you're in a
conversation with someone and just
really listen to them and even after
you've finished listening or you know
whatever they're speaking something and
you're thinking about what you want to
say if you don't you know know a word or
you didn't understand everything it's
okay to ask that person oh what do you
mean by that I do that all the time in
Japanese and that's how I learn so I
learn the same way a child does you know
my daughter aria asks me questions about
things what does this word mean and why
do we say that so she asks me things
like that and
she improves well that's it for this
video I hope you have enjoyed it I
really just wanted to you know as I was
thinking about that experience in the
pharmacy I wanted to share that with you
just because I know it's a common
problem for myself but also for a lot of
other people it really is a very
difficult thing and that's why even
people who practice meditation and who
are very serious about it who are very
mindful a lot of the time everyone's
mind drifts off like that
so whether your problem is that your
mind drifts off or that you're actively
talking to yourself and saying like oh
no I'm worried about this remember to
just relax really focus on the moment
and continue to improve your your
listening skills with the actual real
language that native speakers use in
conversations I hope that's been helpful
and if you'd like to learn more about
that especially improving your listening
and your conversation skills you can
click on the link in the upper right of
this video or on the link in the
description below this video to learn
about my new program the art of
conversation so it really helps you have
great conversations and become a
confident speaker in the next 30 days or
less so you can learn more about that
and also if you just like to know more
about how to improve I can take or you
can take a free quiz that we have that's
again also if you click on the link in
the upper right of this video or on the
link in the description below this video
you can answer a few quick questions
that can tell me what your specific
problem is maybe it's listening maybe
it's speaking or vocabulary or feeling
you know confident all of these other
things let me know and I'll give you a
free personalized guide that can help
you improve your confidence in speaking
and I look forward to sending that to
you so it's again free you can just
click on the link in the upper right of
this video or on the link in the
description below this video to get that
and I look forward to helping you
improve it's been fantastic joining you
today and I look forward to seeing you
in the next video bye-bye