- I SENT MY WRITER ADAM TO PLAY KEVIN THE CASHIER
AT A MOVIE THEATER AT THE AMERICANA.
PLEASE ENJOY.
- [singing] KEVIN THE CASHIER
PLAYED BY ADAM
- READY TO WORK, READY TO SELL SOME MOVIE SNACKS.
HI. MAY I HELP YOU GUYS?
- $7.25.
- HERE. I CAN GIVE YOU--
YOU CAN EITHER GET THE BOX OF JUNIOR MINTS,
OR YOU CAN GET ONE SENIOR MINT.
[laughter]
- LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.
JUST TRYING TO GET YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
LIKE JENGA.
- IT'S NOT NECESSARY, BUT IT IS SUPER NICE OF ME.
[laughter]
SORRY, CAN YOU WAIT BEHIND THE BLACK
UNTIL I CALL THE NEXT PERSON?
YEAH.
A LITTLE FURTHER.
YOUR FEET ARE JUST-- JUST A LITTLE BIT...
ALL RIGHT, I CAN HELP THE NEXT PERSON.
- JUST A CUP OF WATER? SURE.
- RIGHT OVER THERE.
OR YOU CAN USE THE SINK IN THE BATHROOM,
WHICHEVER YOU PREFER.
WELCOME TO PACIFIC THEATERS.
- I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE HINT.
SOMETIMES WHAT I DO WHEN I'M AT THE MOVIES--
I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU GUYS THIS,
BUT I LIKE TO SNEAK THE, LIKE, SNACKS IN FROM OUTSIDE.
LIKE, I TAKE IN THESE-- LIKE, THESE RAISINETS.
I JUST KEEP THEM IN MY PANTS,
AND YOU CAN, LIKE, EAT THEM IN THE MOVIES.
- RIGHT. - DO YOU WANT ANY?
- NO, I'M GOOD. - ALL RIGHT.
BACK THEY GO.
- UH, HOLD ON. I'LL RING YOU IN A SECOND.
I JUST WANT TO CLEAN UP THIS POPCORN HERE.
- JUST TRYING TO GET THAT.
SNACKS. GET YOUR SNACKS HERE.
YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN WHO WANTS SOME SNACKS.
- I HAVE TO GET THESE PRETZELS, 'CAUSE THEY'RE QUICK.
HOLD ON; I MISSED. I MISSED THAT ONE.
I'M GONNA WAIT FOR IT TO COME AROUND AGAIN.
THE ONE ON THE TOP IS BEST.
I'M JUST GONNA WAIT FOR IT TO SWING BACK AROUND YONDER WAY.
HERE IT COMES.
I'M READY FOR HIM THIS TIME.
GOT MY TONGS READY.
AND I'LL MAKE MY MOVE NOW.
DID YOU WANT ANY BUTTER OR CINNAMON?
- YOU'RE GOOD?
- UH, YEAH, RIGHT HERE.
ONE THING I DO,
IF YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY ON DRINKS GOING IN,
SOMETIMES I'LL JUST GET A CUP OF ICE
AND THEN FILL IT WITH POPCORN BUTTER.
I ALWAYS FILL THESE EXTRA FULL,
'CAUSE ALL THE POPCORN THAT FALLS ON THE FLOOR
IS KEVIN'S POPCORN.
YOU KNOW...
IT'S MINE.
- [laughs]
- YOU GUYS HERE ON A DATE?
NICE.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO DURING THE MOVIE?
IF YOU WANT TO, LIKE, YOU KNOW, GET CLOSE,
YOU JUST STRETCH OUT.
UGH!
AND JUST, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?
TRY THAT ONE.
OR YOU CAN BE, "YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE COLD."
AND THEN YOU JUST KIND OF, YOU KNOW,
HOLD THE JACKET OVER, YOU KNOW?
- EXACTLY, MAN. EXACTLY.
- THE OTHER ONE YOU CAN DO:
YOU GET A BIG BAG OF POPCORN,
NO POPCORN IN IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU JUST...
[laughter]
I DON'T ACTUALLY WORK FOR THE THEATER.
I WORK FOR ELLEN DEGENERES,
AND THERE'S A HIDDEN CAMERA UP THERE.
YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY
ON "THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW" RIGHT NOW.
- THANKS, ELLEN. - THANKS, ELLEN.
[cheers and applause]
- THANKS, ADAM. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.