I LOVE DURAN DURAN. I LOVE DURAN DURAN.
I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. >> OH YEAH.
>> THEY'RE AMAZING. >> James: WHAT A CAREER.
WHAT AN ABSOLUTE-- AND, TO STILL BE TOGETHER.
TO STILL BE TOGETHER. >> YEAH, ONE OF THE MOST
IMPORTANT BANDS. >> James: YOU KNOW I FIRST MET
SIMON LeBON IN 1999, RIGHT. I WAS, HI BEEN, HI THIS TINY
LITTLE PART IN A COMMERCIAL THAT WAS FILMING IN MILAN.
AND I AM FLYING BACK FROM MILAN. AND I SAT DOWN.
AND THERE IS LIKE A LITTLE, AN EMPTY SEAT HERE.
AND SIMON LeBON SITS DOWN THERE.
AND I AM LIKE-- . AND WE TAXI OFF IN THE PLANE.
AND I HAVE MY-- IN, TAXI OFF AND JUST AS WE ARE GETTING TO THE
RUN RANGE HE GOES BINGE BONG, I'M SORRY, THERE SAY PROBLEM
WITH THISSARY PLANE. WE'VE GOT A TECHNICAL FAULT, IN
PLANE CAN'T TAKE OFF HOWEVER GOOD NEWS IS THERE IS ANOTHER
FLIGHT OUT IN THREE HOURS TIME. AND THERE IS ENOUGH SEATS FOR
EVERYBODY ON THIS PLANE SO EVERYBODY IS JUST AUTOMATICALLY
BEEN PLACED ON THAT FLIGHT, WE'RE VERY, VERY SORRY.
AS WE ARE TAXIING BACK, SEARCH LIKE UGH, LIKE THAT AND SIMON
LeBON, WE HADN'T SPOKEN LENT OVER TO ME AND WENT DO YOU WANT
A VALIUM? (APPLAUSE)
>> YES. >> James: AND I WAS LIKE T IS
ONLY THREE HOURS. AND THEN A BIT LATER ON I WAS IN
LIKE THE LOUNGEE GETTING A DRINK AND SIMON LeBON HAD SHADES ON,
HEADPHONES AND WAS DOING THIS. AND I THOUGHT YOU IDIOT, OF
COURSE YOU SHOULD TAKE SIMON LeBON'S VALIUM, OF COURSE YOU
SHOULD. LOVELY, LOVELY GENTLEMEN.
WE ARE THRILLED THAT THEY WILL HERE.
WE SHOULD SAY FIRST OF ALL, HAPPY PURIM TO ALL WHO
CELEBRATE. IAN, WHAT DO WE DO?
WHAT DO WE DO ON PURIM ANYTHING SPECIAL.
>> YEAH STRKS A FUN ONE. YOU PUT AN ORANGE UNDER YOUR
PILLOW EVERY NIGHT WHICH IS SILLY BUT LIKE A HARVEST THING.
AND THEN LIKE FOR DINNER, LIKE TONIGHT I WILL HAVE, YOU HAVE
LIKE EGGS AND PICKLED VEGETABLES, THE EGGS REMIND YOU
OF RENEWAL AND PICKLED EGGS REMIND YOU OF THE BITTER TIMES
AS WELL. AND THEN THIS IS A VOW OF
SILENCE FROM SUN DOWN TO SUN UP. SO TONIGHT NO TALKING UNTIL-- I
MADE ALL OF THAT UP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA, DO YOU.
>> NO. >> James: IT ABSOLUTELY COULD
BE TRUE. IT COULD BE TRUE, AND I WAS LIKE
YEAH, THIS DOES SOUND LIKE A FUN YEAH.
>> YEAH, ANY JEWISH HOLIDAY, OUTSIDE OF HANUKKAH YOU WITH
JUST TELL THE GOYA WHATEVER YOU WANT AND THEY WILL GO WITH IT.
>> James: THE FOLLOWING THAT IS TRUE, THE FOLLOW SUP THE
ORANGE WAS THERE ALL NIGHT. >> ALL NIGHT.
>> ST FUN, SORRY TO INTERRUPT STVMENT LIKE OUR HALLOWEEN ONE,
YOU DRESS UP. >> IT IS A GREAT HOLIDAY BECAUSE
ARE YOU TOLD TO DRINK WINE AND BE MERRY.
>> James: I LOVE THAT. >> YEAH.
ESPECIALLY THE TORA. >> James: BUT IF YOU ALSO NEED
AN EXCUSE TO DRINK WINE AND BE MERRY WE SHOULD ALSO SAY IT'S
JOEL'S BIRTHDAY TODAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHERE IS HE,
THERE IS HE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BROTHER.
>> THANK YOU. >> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOEL.
>> THANK, JAMES. >> James: HOW OLD ARE WE
TODAY. >> LET'S SAY I'M OLD ENOUGH TO
KNOW BETTER BUT YOUNG ENOUGH NOT TO CARE.
>> James: AND I LOVE THAT. SENSATIONAL. ALSO I SHOULD SAY
THE FESTIVITY CONTINUE BECAUSE ST AFTER MIDNIGHT TECHNICALLY
NOW WHEN ARE YOU WATCHING THIS, THIS MEANS IT IS OFFICIALLY
ST. PATRICK'S DAY. HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY.
EVERYBODY. ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS THE BEST
DAY OF THE YEAR FOR THE WORST PERSON YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL
WHERE. OBVIOUSLY IT IS THE DAY WE
CELEBRATE THE PAT RON SAINT OF ISLANDS BY EATING CABBAGE AND
CORN BEEF SINGING TRADITIONAL IRISH SONGS AND HELPING YOUR
FRIEND HEATHER FIND HER CELL PHONE THAT SHE SWEARS SHE HAS
NOT LEFT IN AN UBER, MEGAN, GOD! >> THAT'S ON ME T WAS A GOOD
JOKE. >> THAT IS ALL RIGHT, I RAN OUT
OF BERT, I RAN OUT OF BREATHE. [BLEEP], [BLEEP].
>> James: YEAH, ST. MATTIE'S DAY, GOING TO DO ANYTHING?
>> YEAH, TRADITIONAL ONCE, I WILL PLACE AN ORANGE.
AS WE'D ALL LOVE TO SIT AROUND AND CELEBRATE THE
VARIOUS HOLIDAYS, I'VE GOT A SACRED DUTY.
AND THAT DUTY IS TO GIVE AMERICA, ITS UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA, NAY, THE WORLD, THE GLOARKS THE NEWS.
THIS MORNING, UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT VOLODYMYR ZELENSKYY
GAVE A VIRTUAL ADDRESS TO THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS,
ASKING FOR MORE ASSISTANCE IN DEFENDING HIS COUNTRY.
HE CAME OUT WITH BOTH GUNS BLAZING.
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE BICEPS. AFTERWARDS, PRESIDENT BIDEN GAVE
AN ADDRESS OF HIS OWN, PROMISING AN ADDITIONAL EIGHT HUNDRED
MILLION DOLLARS IN SECURITY AID TO UKRAINE.
WHICH BRINGS THE TOTAL AID THIS WEEK TO ONE BILLION DOLLARS.
WHICH IS NEARLY FOUR GALLONS OF GASOLINE.
>> James: AND DID YOU SEE THIS? DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR HAS NOW
WEIGHED IN ON THE SITUATION IN EUROPE.
LAST NIGHT, HE TWEETED ABOUT PRESIDENT BIDEN GOING TO EUROPE
NEXT WEEK. HE SAID,
"SENDING BIDEN TO EUROPE FOR 'HIGH STAKES' NATO TALKS WILL
ONLY EMBOLDEN OUR ENEMIES FURTHER.
IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE RIGHT, SEND TRUMP."
YEAH, THAT WILL DO IT, MAYBE THE KICK IN THE PANTS NATO NEEDS IS
A FAILED BUSINESSMAN CALLING THEM
ALL LOSERS AND SUCKERS AND TELLING THEM ABOUT HOW THIS
ENTIRE CONFLICT IS ALL THE FAULT OF HILLARY'S EMAILS.
I WANT TO BE CLEAR, THOUGH. UNDER ANY OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES,
I AM ALL IN FAVOR OF DONALD TRUMP LEAVING THE COUNTRY.
ANY TIME I WANTS. MOVING ON, IS EVERYONE HERE
FAMILIAR WITH NEW YORK'S FAMOUS ROCKEFELLER CENTER ICE SKATING
RINK? WELL, IT CLOSES FOR
THE SEASON THIS WEEKEND BUT, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
IN DECADES, IT'S GOING TO BE REPLACED WITH A ROLLER SKATING
RINK. YEAH, FIRST ICE-SKATING, NOW
ROLLER SKATING, ROCKEFELLER CENTER IS EXCITED TOO
THEY'RE PROMOTING IT AS, "NOW YOU CAN FRACTURE YOUR
PELVIS ALL YEAR ROUND!" I'M GENUINELY SHOCKED
I HAVE NEVER ROLLER SKATED WITH ON THIS SHOW, LIKE AT SOME
POINT, THAT SEEMS LIKE THE SORT OF [BLEEP] WE WOULD HAVE DONE.
CAN YOU ICE-SKATE, NICK, CAN YOU ROLLER SKATE.
>> HAVE I DONE IT BUT I DON'T DO IT REGULARLY, I'M NOT GOOD AT
IT. >> James: EVERYTHING ALL
RIGHT? EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
>> IS EVERYTHING OKAY? YEAH, IT IS GOING GREAT, GOOD
MONOLOGUE, A LOT OF FUN, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
>> WHY. >> James: WHAT'S UP WITH YOU
TODAY? >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> James: I DON'T KNOW, YOU ARE LIKE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
PERSON. >> I'M NOT, SAME OLD NICK YOU'VE
ALWAYS KNOWN. >> James: I DON'T THINK THAT'S
TRUE. SAME OLD NICK THAT WE'VE ALWAYS
KNOWN USE TOED LOOK LIKE THIS. (APPLAUSE)
YOU MORE THAN ANYONE CANNOT SAY THE SAME OLD NICK YOU USED TO
KNOW. EVER, EVER.
>> YOU SEEM A LITTLE BIT-- ARE YOU READY ALL RIGHT?
>> HAVE I PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE TODAY.
>> James: AHHH. >> YEAH, AHH, EVERYBODY.
MY WIFE SHEER WITH SOME FRIENDS. >> James: STOP, ANDREA, HOW
ARE YOU. >> I'M GREAT.
>> James:-- IS THAT WHY ARE YOU DOWN.
>> YEAH. >> James: NONE TAKEN, BE
HONEST, WHEN HE SAID I'M JUST GOING TO GROW IT OUT, WHAT DID
YOU THINK? (LAUGHTER)
>> I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD COME TO THIS.
>> James: HARD TO KNOW WHETHER THAT IS A COMPLIMENT OR NOT,
ISN'T IT, REALLY. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD COME TO
THIS. HOW FAR ARE YOU GOING TO GO WITH
THIS, NICK, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO STOP?
>> I THINK THIS IS THE FURTHER LONG.
>> James: I'M GLAD, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN GO FURTHER.
>> THE NEXT STEP ASK LIKE A FUN MUSTACHE GOATEE COMBINATION.
>> Reggie: THAT WOULD BE COOL. >> James: CAN YOU SEE THIS
HAPPENING. >> I'M NOT WILLING TO TEST THE
BUND BOUNDARIES OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
>> James: OUR RELATIONSHIP OR THAT RELATIONSHIP.
>> YES TO ALL, YES. >> James: YOU VERY MUCH SEE US
AS A THRUPLE, DO YOU? ANDREA, BLESS YOU FOR COMING.
WE'RE SO HAPPY ARE YOU HERE. ANDREA BERNSTEIN, EVERYBODY.
>> James: IN OTHER NEWS, A SILICON VALLEY VENTURE CAPITAL
FIRM HAS NOW APOLOGIZED AFTER THEY POSTED A JOB OPENING
THIS WEEK THAT REQUIRED APPLICANTS TO SUBMIT
THEIR I.Q. SCORES. THEY APOLOGIZED AFTER THEY GOT
PUSHBACK. I'M NOT SURE THEY MEANT IT,
THOUGH, BECAUSE THEIR APOLOGY STARTED WITH,
"WE'RE SORRY YOU'RE ALL SO DUMB."
THE SILICON VALLEY COMPANY SAID THEY WILL INSTEAD CONTINUE
HIRING PEOPLE THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, GIVING JOBS TO THEIR
FRIENDS' KIDS. I DON'T THINK THEY SHOULD BE
GIVING I.Q. TESTS. BUT IT'S STILL BETTER THAN THE
TEST WE USE TO HIRE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW, THE BUZZFEED
DISNEY PRINCESS QUIZ. I'M ARIEL.
>> James: AND HULU AND RED BULL ARE JOINING FORCES FOR A LIVE,
DAREDEVIL STUNT. IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT
TWO STUNT PILOTS WILL PUT THEIR PLANES INTO A FREE-FALL, LEAP
OUT, AND THEN SKYDIVE INTO THE OTHER PERSON'S PLANE.
THEY'RE CALLING IT "PLANE SWAP." OR AS SPIRIT AIRLINES CALLS IT,
"A CONNECTING FLIGHT." IT'S PRETTY RISKY.
AND AS A RESULT OF THE EVENT, RED BULL HAS ALREADY CHANGED
ITS MOTTO FROM, "RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS" TO,
"RED BULL OFFERS YOUR FAMILY ITS DEEPEST CONDOLENCES."
AND FINALLY, MIKE TYSON'S CANNABIS COMPANY IS NOW SELLING
MARIJUANA GUMMY CANDIES SHAPED LIKE EARS, WITH BITES OUT
OF THEM. THEY'RE CALLED TYSON BITES
AND THEY'RE A REFERENCE TO WHEN TYSON BIT A CHUNK OUT OF EVANDER
HOLYFIELD'S EAR DURING A TITLE FIGHT IN 1997.
HERE THEY ARE HERE, OR, IF EVANDER HOLYFIELD IS WATCHING
THIS RIGHT NOW, (SHOUTING)
I SAID MIKE TYSON'S CANNABIS COMPANY IS SELLING MARIJUANA
CANDIES-- YOU'VE HEARD OF EYE CANDY?
WELL, THIS IS EAR CANDY. DON'T YOU DARE, NO, STOP, DON'T
YOU DARE CLAP FOR THAT. ARE BETTER THAN THAT, WE'RE NOT,
YOU ARE. THE GUMMIES ARE MODELED AFTER
THE INFAMOUS INCIDENT BACK IN THE NINETIES.
LET'S HOPE THIS TREND DOESN'T CATCH ON.
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THE GUMMIES, BASED ON THE TOMMY LEE
SEX TAPE. AND THAT'S THE NEWS!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.