Mark's going to be really upset. I'm such a terrible girlfriend...
What I have done is not only...
VOICE FADES OUT
Mel!
Oh, man, I thought I was nodding and sighing at all the right moments.
Sorry, Von.
Why don't you ever come to me with anything exciting like,
Mark cheated and he's sleeping with some ho and be like,
"Hey, Mel, let's go and get that bitch, Becky with the good hair,
"and mash her up!"
Mel, you don't understand. This is serious.
OK, then, start your story again.
The floor's yours.
I TV cheated on Mark with Luke Cage.
Oh, my gosh.
MEL LAUGHS
How was it, then?
Mark fell asleep on my lap and then I just carried on and on and on
until it was finished.
And now you're pregnant with guilt.
Mel, you don't get it.
TV cheating is a big deal for Mark.
You know, teamwork is his thing. How do I tell him?
Von, you're not telling him anything.
Er...
Look, he fell asleep on you
and it's not your fault that Luke was there to comfort you
with his bulletproof dark chocolate skin!
Yum!
MEL SLURPS
Mmm.
TV cheating!
All right, again. Safe, appreciate it.
You're deffo not coming out tonight?
No, man, I'm going to chill with the missus and binge-watch Luke Cage.
Shav's sick, dog. I can never watch shit twice.
It's like porn. Once you're familiar with it, you can't go back again!
What you talking about, bro? Me and Shav, we work together.
We wait for each other. It's called teamwork, yeah?
Something you would understand if your seeds spread across the world,
blossoming in multiple wombs.
Bruv, why do you always have to go there? Don't jinx me about babies.
All right.
Look, I'm transparent with women.
Shav and this thing Jessica, who happened to be in contact
with man's...seeds...
were having this comment Facebook war thing
about the end of the season...
Mm-mm. Shav would never, yeah - not my baby.
Is it?
This never came from me.
Bruv. Shavon wrote paragraphs about the last episode!
Deconstr... This is a fucking dissertation, bruv!
Bruv, like the post.
Just get her!
OK.
Let's see if she comes clean, bro.
This girl's such a tease, bruv.
Hey, Mark.
Yeah, I can handle him.
Mel. You good?
OK, why not?
Just jump in right here into the mobile.
Yo, yo, yo - so you're not going to sit in the front?
No, it's nice and cosy at the back. Thanks, hun.
"I'm nice and cosy at the back!"
Fool taking man for some Uber driver on some stupid...
HE MUTTERS
Hello, wife.
Hey, babe. All right?
You going to come play?
Cos, you know, we haven't done this one in a while.
Nah, see I'm all pumped up and finally ready to watch Luke Cage.
Mm.
Yeah... I read some reviews - it's not that great.
Swear?
So why don't you just come play with me?
We can do like an all-nighter like we did back in the day,
you remember that?
Reviews. Reviews.
Honestly.
I was going to make it up to you for falling asleep the other night
like a good man does.
Oh.
Oh, that's nice, thank you.
You know, cos it was really frustrating
when you fell asleep on me last night. But still I waited patiently.
Patiently.
Like a good woman does.
..you're so special.
Yeah.
So are you.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, let's watch it then.
Yeah, right now.
There you go.
Oh. Shav, why is it back to episode one?
I don't know. It should continue from where we left off, right?
Yeah. It should, shouldn't it?
Hmm. I wonder what happened(?)
I don't know.
Oh, you don't?
You sure about that?
Baby...
I...
all...
..of...it...
..by myself.
You TV ho! I knew I couldn't trust you!
I'm so disappointed in you, man.
Everything we worked on.
You fell asleep and then...
Luke. He was there, with his bulging biceps.
Wait, wait, what is this? What, you Luke Cage's mistress now, yeah?
No, come on, you know Netflix, it just continues to play.
And then you're like, "OK, maybe one more," and then - boom!
Next thing you know, you're like a season deep.
You watched the whole season?!
I can watch it all over again, I can do that.
Just maybe not the last few cos it got a bit boring but...
Oh, it got boring, did it? Is that what happened?
You're "boredy-boredy-boredy"? OK. Tell me you got bored.
All right.
"This isn't just about a bulletproof chiselled black man in a hoodie.
"The season shines light on issues deep-rooted in the community.
"Episode six deepens as it gets along..."
Sorry, "depicts".
"De-PICTS".
If you're going to say my words, say them correctly.
All right, you know what,
I would have forgiven you if you'd just told me the truth
when I came in.
"Mark, I sinned, I couldn't wait just one day
"before jumping on Luke Cage."
You want to do your own thing, yeah?
Mark, come on.
Mm-mm. OK.
Let's do our own thing, shall we?
That's getting a bit emotional.
Going to annihilate this.
Thanks for the juice, hun.
Mm-hm. For a big boy.
Yeah.
You bringing mine or, um...?
Hmm?
Oh, one sec, babe.
Nice.
# Got my chicken, got my chi... #
There we go. Salt on my plate.
Yum.
Oh.
CAMERA CLICK Do you want me to bring...?
Do you want me to get it myself or...?
CAMERA CLICK
I want you to make it yourself
cos this is my food so back off!
OK?
Let the games begin.
It's already begun.
Cheers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shav, what you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm watching TV.
Yeah, you're wearing my slippers, Shav.
And you're using my mug.
Shav, you know I have a programme I plan to watch today.
We don't all get what we want in life.
OK? Trying to play games, yeah? OK. No problem.
It's crazy.
HE LAUGHS LOUDLY
SHE TURNS TV SOUND UP
SHE WHISTLES
Come on, Shav, seriously.
Shit, shit, shit.
Shav! You didn't wake me up! I'm late!
Ah, I thought we were doing our own thing.
Oh, poor child.
This isn't funny. I'm going to be mad late now.
Oh. Is it my problem that you couldn't wake yourself up for once?
Maybe you should have slept at your house so your mummy could wake you.
Shut up. You took this way too far.
You know we need this job.
"We"?
OK.
Oh, come on, stop being a baby. HE MUTTERS
It's only 6am.
What?
Swear?
Oh, my gosh.
Can we, like, stop this now? Cos it's getting kind of long.
Who wins?
Hmm?
No, we don't.
Friends?
Only if you give me a kiss.
After you brush your teeth, innit.
You love my morning breath. What do you mean? Give me a kiss!
Get off, it smells! You smell!
Urgh!
What are you doing, fam?
We are going to watch Luke Cage from season one, episode one.
No complaining, no comments, no nothing.
You owe me. All right. Turn around.
And don't open your mouth and say nothing.
I'm not going to say nothing.
I'm going to act like I've never seen it in my life.
OK.
I'm just going to skip this bit cos it's a bit dead.
Shav, start it from the beginning.
HE SNORES
Really? Really?