- Twitter's a controversial place with a lot
of controversial opinions, but let's see what they do
with medical info.
(person whistles)
Pew-woo!
Mela, my doctor thinks I'm hot.
He said fever, but I'll take it.
A fever is above 100.3 degrees Fahrenheit.
A lot of my patients come in and say they have a fever
because they're running 99.5,
but that's not a fever, technically speaking.
You are hot, though.
Mommy Cusses, found out at my doctor's appointment
that the disturbing voices I've been hearing nonstop
are called children.
(Mikhail laughs)
That's good.
Bill Murray.
Did Bill Murray tweet this?
I hate when I'm on the treadmill and my hand
accidentally hits the stop button, and I have to get off
and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.
(Mikhail laughs)
Don't hit the stop button, unless it's an emergency,
of course, and don't get a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.
First date, her, I'm really only interested in inner beauty.
Me, oh I see.
Second date, me, so I scheduled us for colonoscopies.
That's funny.
That's not the inner beauty that you wanna see
because I will tell you, unless you do
really good colon prep, which means drinking that stuff
that makes you clear out, the colon is not
a pretty place to be.
Taming Fred Savage, I don't know who Fred Savage is.
Me, donating body to science.
Science, donates my body to Goodwill.
That's not how it works.
First of all, everyone should, highly recommended by me,
become an organ donor.
All the myths out there about doctors not caring about you
because you're an organ donor, and they'll let you die,
it's all nonsense, nonsense.
When I'm working in the ER, I have no idea
who's an organ donor, and who's not.
Only once the patient passes do we even begin to look
for that information,
and we don't donate the bodies to Goodwill.
I found out it takes 42 muscles to frown,
so I went ahead and canceled my gym membership.
I don't know it's 42 muscles, but I know
it takes more muscles to from than to smile.
That's why I'm always smiling because I'm lazy.
Rodney Lacroix, I wonder if he owns the water?
Rich?
Doctor, do you exercise?
Me, yes.
Smoke?
No, never.
Drink?
Yes.
How often?
Four kids.
Heavily, got it.
I long and love for those honest conversations.
As a family medicine doc, you're talking to someone
who's stressed out.
They're not so excited to be at a doctor's office
because they have a million other things to do,
but you just have this connection where they tell you
about their life, you understand their struggles,
you help them, you try and make their life
not only a little bit healthier, but a little bit
more fruitful, so they get more out of it.
They give to the world.
They give to themselves.
Genetics lab, me, one designer baby please.
Doctor, it's not like that, you.
Me, please remove the pooping and crying functions.
Doctor, what, no, you can't.
Me, give it wings and flame throwers.
Doctor, hmm?
Me, I'm gonna call her Claire.
(Mikhail coughs)
Sounds like they're building a Transformer
more than they are making a designer baby.
That is literally not how it works.
Your baby will need to cry.
Your baby will need to poop.
In fact, if it didn't have those functions,
you'll have a bigger problem with your baby, just saying.
Maybe I took that too seriously.
You know you're a nurse if you've been telling stories
in a restaurant, and had someone at another table throw up.
I think that's just being
in the medical profession in general.
Sometimes, I'm telling stories to my friends,
and they're like, Mike, we're eating,
and I'm like, true.
Poop jokes don't work when you're eating dessert.
Jessie, doctor, do you exercise?
Me, thinking of the arm curls to get the chips
from the bag to my mouth.
Yes, daily.
If you actually do a strong isometric contraction
right here, that could be exercise, but I don't know
many people who eat chips like that.
If you do, why?
Aunt Chelle, at a doctor appointment,
step up on the scale.
Jokingly, do I have to?
No.
What?
How have I gone this long without knowing
this was an option?
I mean, everything when you go to a doctor's office
is an option, unless you're going for a work physical,
or some clearance, but in general, when you go,
you have a patient bill of rights.
Anything you don't wanna do, even though we'll try
and recommend why you should do it, you don't have to.
That's the beauty of medicine.
We work together as a team.
If you're uncomfortable with something,
maybe don't say, I don't wanna do it.
State that you're uncomfortable, and perhaps,
hear the doctor's explanation of why it's recommended.
You never realize how squeaky your shoes are
until you walk into the room of a sleeping patient,
nurse problems, nurse life.
I don't know what it is, hospitals are extra echo-y.
Why?
So, I got a text from the doctor, asking if my crap
was properly hydrated.
Turns out, he actually wrote CPAP, and no,
I'm not adjusting to bifocals.
Well, for those of you who don't know,
CPAP is continuous positive airway pressure.
It's the thing that people wear around their nose at night.
It's a big contraption that lays at the side of their bed.
It basically keeps your airway open
so that when you have sleep apnea,
your airway doesn't collapse, and you wake up snoring
because you actually weren't breathing.
It's not so comfortable to wear,
but I will say there are things on the horizon
to make this whole process a lot smoother.
Me, I feel like a pizza party should refer
to pizzas having a party.
Oh wow.
Humans having pizza at a party should just be
a party with pizza.
Does that make sense to you?
Therapist, I think we should meet more often.
(Mikhail laughs)
I think that is natural curiosity that makes you eccentric,
and fun, and interesting to be around.
Matty MSN, you know it's gonna be a #badday
when the scrub machine gives you two pants and no shirt.
It's going shirtless.
For those of you who don't know,
there are now Scrub X machines.
I forgot the name of the brand,
where you literally punch in your employee ID,
or scan your badge, and it feeds you your scrubs
for the day, and you can put them on, but sometimes,
they make mistakes, and they give you wrong sizes,
sometimes it gives you two pants and no shirt,
and that's a struggle because to get it fixed,
you need to go find someone, and if you're busy,
and it's a shift.
Hey, do you wanna hang out?
Sure, I'm free October 32, 2051.
Let's plan something for then, med student problems.
Oh my God.
I remember when I was on the ICU block,
and I would be working six days a week,
call queue two, which means every other day,
means you come in at 5 a.m., you leave at 9 p.m.
every other day.
Just imagine how brutal that is.
You have to wake up at 3:30, 4, get to the hospital,
work all day, get home at night, wake up again super early,
all you did was work and sleep during the ICU block.
Your friends were like, where did you go
this last month, and you're like, ICU.
They're like, you see me?
No, no, no, I-C, intensive care unit.
Jay Kay, oh, get it, J-K?
Nine out of 10 doctors recommend a diet
rich in lean protein and vegetables,
and one out of 10 doctors is a stakeholder
in the bariatric sleeve.
For those of you who don't know, by the way,
bariatric sleeve is a surgery that you can get
in order to shrink the size of your stomach,
which basically encourages you to not eat,
so you lose a lot of weight quickly.
Other names for this is a stomach bypass,
stomach stapling procedure, gastric bypass,
all sorts of names, but these types of bariatric surgeries
actually have really good evidence working long-term
for those who are really obese,
I'm not talking about if you're 10, 15 pounds overweight.
I'm talking morbid obesity where the obesity
is presenting an imminent threat to your life.
CT scan, patient, doc, you're sure this is safe?
Just a little radiation, right?
Me, from a mile away, behind some bulletproof glass,
a wall that's 45 feet thick, and a full suit of lead,
uh-huh, please hold still.
No, look, CT scans absolutely expose you
to a dose of radiation.
The benefits of getting a CT scan in an emergency
or when there's a true medical condition
that we're trying to evaluate are outweighed by the risks,
meaning that it's more beneficial to do the scan,
and expose yourself to some potential radiation.
That being said, doing CT scans unnecessarily
is really bad, and as a patient, okay, you'll get
one CT scan, but as the doctor or the tech
that's doing the exam, you're doing dozens of these a day,
so you'd be exposed to a ton of radiation,
so you better get 45 feet away, by a 45-foot wall
with a suit of lead.
Doctor, how do you practice self-care?
Me, pillows.
Doctor, pillows, by sleeping on them?
Me, no, by screaming into them.
You know what?
I wouldn't even judge.
If one of my patients came in and they said
they get a lot of happiness, or their emotions out
by screaming into a pillow, that's awesome.
I think I get a lot of my anger out
and work out my issues when I'm punching a punching bag,
you know, and to each their own.
There is a surprising lack of YouTube videos
detailing how to perform self-surgeries
for inguinal hernia.
Yeah because you shouldn't perform surgery on yourself.
It's really that simple.
There was a story of a doctor who performed surgery
on themselves in, I think, Antarctica
because there was no access to medicine,
and he performed an appendectomy on himself.
I'm gonna tell the story in a video
because it's a crazy story, and you gotta hear it.
If you're down, let me know in the comments.
No idea Daddy blog, five-year-old,
where's the scissors?
Me, five-year-old, I'm playing doctor.
Hmm, cute.
On the dog.
Takes back scissors.
Bear, that one was about you.
I would never use scissors on you.
You sleepy?
He's a sleepy Bear today.
Look at him.
Look at his little head.
Whoa, that's an aggressive neuf.
(light music)