Hi I'm Stuart Jay Raj - and I'm Wimintra Raj and this is South by Southeast
Would you Date a Bargirl?
The question went out - there was a poll and 51% of the respondents here in Thailand said that they would.
I don't see anything wrong with that. You can date whoever you want.
Let me ask you - if you had a foreign customer,
- a client or a potential business partner,
and you went to a dinner, and then the date that they brought with them was a bargirl.
What would your reaction to that be?
It really depends - you know, I have had that experience before.
Even some of your friends have brought women
with a certain background.
As long as they are nice and can act appropriately and dress appropriately,
I don't see a problem with that -
unless you show up in hot-pants and stockings
I think in these situations,
- and the reality is that there will be certain friends
that you're inevitably going to make here
- there is a percentage of the expat population
that meet their partner in a bar.
So when they do, I would say the most awkward thing is
suppose you were talking about business, then all of a sudden you see that their date is
obviously feeling super uncomfortable being there.
And that's not my problem.
I've seen you engage them well.
Honestly, I have absolutely no problem
with bargirls or non-bargirls.
I have problems with people who don't know what they're doing.
Or people who are just stupid.
and who waste my time.
That's the only time that I really get upset with people.
Usually bar-girls, hookers, prostitutes - I don't really care.
Right - so they're just doing what they do.
Some people said (in the article) that they get to a certain age and they've made their money,
then they come here and have an experience - it's almost like buying
entertainment. They retire and then they do that - it's mutually beneficial.
If nobody's getting hurt, then that's it.
Again, the painful bit comes when people's emotions start to get too attached.
And then they realise that maybe this girl has several 'sponsors'.
And then it gets a bit messy.
They said 'You don't lose your girl - you just lose your turn'.
But you know what -that doesn't only happen with bar girls.
It happens in normal relationships with normal women.
It does happen with men - and it happens everywhere.
Yeah - you lose your turn. It's not limited to bar girls.
It's everywhere.
And when you say that, in a business dinner context, it's not just a bar-girl that would start to feel awkward.
Not being able to have a conversation - but it would be if anybody
was in a ver different setting from what they're used to,
they might have a different education background, it's gotta be awkward.
Yes - that's what I said.
It doesn't matter if my business counterpart brings a bargirl,
or not - if she can't talk, it's going to be awkward.
If she is rude, it's going to be awkward.
If she dresses crazy coming to a business lunch,
it's going to be awkward.
But bar girls can evolve.
I've seen a lot of ladies with the .... how do I put this?
Bar background that's not a bar tender?
Who change. They evolve and might marry the CEO.
And now they dress nicely
they teach themselves English and get an education.
And they change. They adapt to the surrounding.
A lot of them are fighters, so they might make good business people if given the right resources.
Not all of them - but we've seen a few.
So speaking on a business side, I've had some experiences working with companies where
a fresh 'off the boat' expat has come in
and met 'the love of their life' in the first week of being in the country, and say
"I need to save you", and then go and put them in a business development position
or a high position in their company
sitting them next to some lady who has actually been in the company for a lifetime.
Their family might even own the company -
and I have seen companies been destroyed like that.
I have no doubt that that would happen.
So while my lovely wife here is very open and has a very open and fair attitude to everyone, giving everyone a chance,
understand that if you actually go
that extra mile and start introducing a bar girl into business situations,
You should be fired.
And so could you elaborate on that? Why should you be fired in your eyes?
Because if you are in this position as a CEO or director or Managing Director or whatever,
And you're stupid enough to bring someone with no business background,
who can't speak English and has no
sense of business whatsoever - and you bring them into your company, then you should be fired.
You're not a good business person.
And you know what, it's not just bar girls.
One of my clients had partners - boyfriend and girlfriend
but the company really needed the skillset of the guy in the relationship
and needed him to come into the company
So the expat manager thought 'okay, this is fair enough -
As long as you can keep professional and work life separate'
And they were professional enough and could actually do it - a foreign guy and a Thai lady.
But - the rumours that went around the company
and the fact that they were there (together)
And I could say that the rumours weren't actually warranted,
But because they had a relationship at work, it was just assumed that there would be favouritism
and so whether it's a bargirl or not,
If you have a relationship at work - especially here, it can kill you.
Yeah, I've seen that happen.
And it can kill your business because when someone leaves here, they don't just leave as one person - you lose a whole chunk.
Would you date a bar girl?
51% say that they would - I'll put a link to the study.
Go and have a read.
It shouldn't be a problem really - if you walk into a bar and you find someone and she's nice
and you're happy and you make her happy - she's happy.
Then it's your money - do what you want with it.
If it doesn't hurt anybody.
What if you had a close friend and you saw that they picked someone up from the bar
and they were getting really attached emotionally, but you saw that to the girl, she was just doing her 'job'?
The funny thing is that it's never my friends that pick them up from the bar - it's your friends.
So I don't know
SUPPOSE it were a close friend of yours that was dating a bar girl,
would you ?
I don't care - if he's happy and knows what he's getting himself into,
and he's ready for what comes afterwards, then go ahead.
You need to know the nature of her work.
Can you accept that? If you can accept that, then fine.
Here's a question -
If a foreigner dates and then ends up marrying a Thai girl,
Should the foreigner do all that they can to accomodate for Thai culture?
I guess it depends on the relationship. You just need to communicate.
As a couple, you need to see how far you'd go for each other.
For us, parents have absolutely no influence on our lives.
The two of us don't have any parents, religion or culture influencing us.
I do have parents.
In case my parents are watching.
Yeah - but not influencing. We love them and take care of them, but we are the lords of our own relationship.
I don't expect you to go the extra mile for my culture.
Because I don't do it myself either - it depends on the relationship.
The key thing is that you have to communicate with your partner.
I think that that's where the problem appears.
I guess you don't communicate enough because one of the partners
couldn't speak the language.
Well both of them couldn't speak each other's language.
I've seen this before where each side will struggle to string together even more than a few sentences in each other's languages.
That's the secret of marriage people!
Well, I'm thinking what on earth do these people talk about at home?
Food - you hungly?
Where do you want to go? Do want to buy a bag? Shoes? Do you want to have kids?
Maybe that's the secret of a happy marriage - I don't know.
Communication is important.
That's the important thing - what are your emotions, and if you're looking for the long term,
can you communicate? Do you know everything that's going on with them?
Do you really need to know everything that's going on with them?
No - but are you able to talk about important stuff that's going on in their lives?
Can you imagine being an older man coming from a different country and culture coming to Thailand?
I would imagine that they would have seen the world.
Experienced a lot of stuff.
History, talked to a lot of women and maybe they're at that point in their life that
they just want a nice girl to be next to them but just shut up and not talk to them
Just sit there. They might think 'I just want a quiet night'.
Someone lovely next to me - and that's what makes me happy - so hey.
It would be tougher to have that back home, but they come here and they can do it.
And it works for both parties.
Let us know what you think and let us know in the comments below - AND CLICK SUBSCRIBE.
Would you date a bar girl?
Would you hire somebody who has a bar girl as a wife?
I have no problem. The wife is not working for me.
And how about communication - I think that that's a fascinating thing.
Do you have a language barrier and if so, how do you get over that?
I guess that before we end this, I want to add one thing.
You can date a bar girl - you can date whoever you want.
As long as she can adapt and adopt your culture, your surroundings, your beliefs,
your core beliefs
And if she can adapt to your personal likes and things like that,
I think that's okay.
At the end of the day, can she adapt to you and your business?
The nature of your business - your culture and your friends and your family.
Right - which is another thing.
That would be tough 'Where did you meet?' - 'Oh, I met her in a bar.'
That's something to think about.
Well, maybe she was a bar tender or a bar manager?
Okay - let us know what you think - I'm Stuart Jay Raj (stujay.com jcademy.com) and Wimintra Raj (hotelintel.co / wimintra.com)
This is South by Southeast SXSE - stay tuned for the next episode. Bye!