I really like you, but I’m not ready for a committed relationship right now. Let’s
just hang out and have fun – I’m just don’t want anything serious at this time.
If those statements resonate with you, then stay right here because in this video you
will learn 6 powerful tips that will turn things around and have him begging for a committed
relationship with you in no time. I’m psychologist and relationship coach Dr. Antonio
Borrello and we are starting right now. Here's the situation - You've been dating
a man you really like, you've been spending time together and getting to know each other...
and things are going very well, In fact, you're starting to feel like this
is the beginning a beautiful relationship. But, When the subject of relationships comes
up, he says he isn't ready for a committed relationship right now. He simply wants to
keep dating and doing what you've been doing, but not getting into anything serious.
And this puts you in a tough position because you want to be in a committed relationship
and you aren't sure if he just needs a little more time to get to know you or if he's wasting
your time and will hurt you eventually. So, what do you do? Well, if you can follow
these 6 steps, you’ll have him begging for a relationship in no time.
1. Give yourself a time frame and
An Opportunity for the Steps To Work. Relationships are all about timing. So, If
this is a newer situation he might just need a little more time to be sure. Waiting and
giving him the time to make a decision has a lot of advantages...
For starters, it takes the immediate pressure off of him and it demonstrates that you respect
his decision-making process. It also gives you an opportunity to implement these steps
through which he will become closer and more connected to you.
So, give yourself a time frame of 6-8 weeks where you implement these steps and watch
them work their magic. - If you’ve already been together for 4-6 months, you don’t
have to give him that much time…. Instead make that time frame 2-4 weeks which is enough
time to see the results of these steps.
2. Stop Thinking about and talking about commitment for now
During your 6-8 week time frame, refrain from thinking about or discussing commitment with
him. There are two reasons for this.... 1: this isn't normally a problem that can be
fixed in a single day, and 2: handling the matter incorrectly will usually backfire and
make your situation worse because If you've already had the conversation and are on different
pages of the book, further discussion or attempting to persuade him of your point of view will
aggravate the situation. The more you talk about it, the more pressure he'll feel, and
he will begin to pull away from you. So, take a break from worrying about it for
the time being because worrying about it will affect your mood with him in a negative way.
So, for the time being, take a break from it and focus on implementing these tips and
you will see they work like magic.
3. Stop giving him everything he wants
What is a person's incentive to work harder when they have all they desire? What is the
motivation to change? I mean, if you're hanging out together, acting like boyfriend
and girlfriend, and he's happy, why would he change anything?
If he is getting his needs for companionship, attention, friendship, intimacy, sex... fulfilled,
he is not going to change just to be nice... So you'll have to set some boundaries and
expectations for yourself, for him, and for the relationship and you have to make sure
he meets them. - in other words, you can’t keep giving him passes.
Now, How you define those boundaries will vary based on your situation. For example,
you might believe that physical intimacy and sex should be reserved only for people in
a committed relationship. and If that's your belief, you're going to have to start saying
no to sex. You're going to have to disappoint him, and that's ok. So, you can't be his
last-minute booty call... you can't keep hanging out with him because he is bored and wants
sex. Instead, Tell him that if he wants to see you, he needs to make plans with you
and take you on a legitimate date... And remember, this is not you making an unreasonable
request. No, you're simply asking him to respect you and set up a date, right? And, If objects
to any of these expectations, you have to ask yourself the question – what is his
purpose for this relationship - is he using you for something?
4. Make Him Work for it
People care more when they put more effort into their relationships, So, make him work
for your attention. Don't make it easy for him. Make him invest in you and try harder,
and he will grow in his love and appreciation for you. And I don't mean money... I mean
letting him help you with minor favors, home projects, etc. Help with studying.. things
that take time and effort. The more he invests, the more he will care about you. I know
it seems paradoxical, but trust me. men value and appreciate the things they work
hard for. So, for example, If he wants to see you, make
him come to your side of the town.. let him pick you up.... And I understand It
can be difficult for some people to do this.. but this one is an absolute must because
When you make him invest his time and energy into you, you’re allowing him to fully appreciate
and fall in love with you.
5. Keep Your Options Open and Continue to Date Others
I know that many of you are going to push back on this because you aren’t interested
in dating multiple people. But first, let me explain why this is so critical. People
enter exclusive relationships for two reasons. The first is that we are attracted to and
desire the other person. But, perhaps more importantly, we enter committed relationships
because we are afraid that someone else will take our partner if they remain single and
dating. So we want them to commit to us so they stop dating others. But What happens
when you take away the fear of losing you to another man? Well, you strip away half
of the motivation to get committed.
And then it becomes easy for him to tell you that he doesn’t want a relationship because
he's convinced you just want him and hes not worried that you'll find someone else.
I'm sure many of you are saying, "Yeah, I don't want to date anyone else." I don't want
to date multiple people. I understand, I hear you loud and clear…. But so does he. and
that’s why He has no fear of losing you to another man. So He can just continue doing
what he's doing and reap all of the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment.
But, the fastest way for him to realize that you are the woman for him is to continue dating
other men, even if you are not very interested in these other men.
Now, Don't be obnoxious or rude about it... You don't want to be accused of making him
jealous. Instead, fill your social calendar with dates with other people, and you'll be
less concerned about what your partner is doing. He'll undoubtedly notice that you're
not as available as you once were, and it'll add just the proper amount of anxiety to drive
him to action. And, if and when he asks you about it… tell him that you’re keeping
your options open.. after all, he is the one who didn’t want a commitment, right?
6.. Have the talk after your time frame.
If you’ve been doing the last five steps, it’s very likely that he will bring up the
commitment talk long before you’ve reached the end of your time frame, especially if
you are as compatible as you think. However, if he does not bring it up himself,
you will need to initiate the conversation at some point after your time frame has passed....
And if you do, and he tells you again that he isn't ready for a relationship, this is
what you should say. Let him know you understand if he's unsure
or confused... and that, like you, he deserves to be in the happiest and best relationship
possible for him... let him know how important he is to you... and then let him know of a
solution for him. And solution is that he needs to take some
time and be alone so he can figure it out.. yes.. you are the one who suggests to him
that he needs time away to figure it out… Because, once again, everyone deserves to
be happy and to be with the person they are completely certain of... and devoted to.
So, In the meantime, you’re going to continue to date others because you want a relationship…
and when he figures it out.. maybe you’ll still be available.. maybe. Lol. Maybe
you’ll be in a relationship.. maybe you’ll be married.
When you handle the conversation in This manner, you are conveying the following messages to
him. First you're showing him that you care about his well-being and want the best for
him, even if that doesn't include you. You're also letting him know that you won't tolerate
or accept anything less than 100% commitment from anyone. And you're demonstrating love
for yourself by refusing to accept anything less. and despite being disappointed you
know that this is the right thing to do. You’re also letting him know that your life doesn’t
stop as you wait around for him to figure it out.
Now, if he cares about you and really has feelings for you, this conversation is likely
to be a game changer… maybe not right away at that moment.. but, if he knows you’re
serious and you really follow through, within a few days you’re going to see some serious
changes. But I need to stress this important point..
he has to know that you are serious and not just bluffing. So, once you have had this
conversation, it’s now time for him to take action. That means that you cannot continue
to date him and see each other. That has to stop.. he has to know that he may lose
you. If you continue to see him you’re letting
him know that it’s OK to continue casually dating and you’re letting him know that
he doesn’t have to make any type of decision. This lowers your value and shows that you
care about his feelings maybe more than your own. If you continue dating casually without
a commitment you’re going to sabotage any possibility of a relationship with him.
So yeah. Doing nothing is not an option.
I know the last step is difficult and scary to do, but I have a promise to make – and
that is, if he is the person for you, if you are really that compatible, then implementing
these suggestions will certainly bring him to wanting a commitment with you. That’s
for sure… But if it’s not right… and if he lets
you go and doesn’t step up his game, then know that a relationship was never going to
happen. There is nothing you can do that will change that outcome… it just wont work…
and that’s ok. The other thing… sometimes you’re just dealing with a person who is
either playing games or just not that into you… Click here to watch a video that
explains the difference.. or click here to watch the video youtube thinks you’ll like.
Thanks for watching. I’ll see you in the next video