Wazzup, party people?
It's ya boy, Jazz, comin' at you with my very own QnA!
Hit it!
(airhorns)
WOOOOO! (airhorns)
Let's hop right into it, yeah?
Alright.
So, who's got a question for me first?
Let's see...
"Hey, Jazz!
"Did you enjoy your fight scene with Megatron in the live-action movie?
"Or do you have a...
"split opinion about it...?"
(laughs heartily)
Ohhh man, this is why I love humans!
Y'all have a sense of HUMOR!
I LOVE it!
As for my fight with Megatron...
I will say I was a little disappointed 'cause it was a little short, but...
at least I went down fightin' and lookin' good while doin' it!
Would've been nice to survive 'til the end, but hey...
what can you do.
Next question.
"Hey, Jazz!
"We have asked Prime and Grimlock this, but do you know how Transformers reproduces?"
I think you mean reproduce.
Reproduction?!
(chuckles)
One of life's greatest mysteries.
All I'll say is, ehhhhh...
Talk to your parents.
"Jazz...
"Jazz... ya like jazz?"
(laughs)
You've been waitin' yo whole life for this, haven't ya?!
(laughs)
Yeah. I can vibe with it.
Though, uh, I'm more of a hip hop kinda guy.
"Yo, Jazz!
"You're by far the greatest Transformer ever!
Aww. Why, thank you.
"You got any dance moves you can show us?
"Much love, bro."
Thanks for the compliment!
Appreciate it, buddy!
As for dance moves...
I guess I could show you some of my stuff.
I call this...
I call this... the JAZZ-meister!
Hng!
Heh-ha!
Eat yo heart out, Soundwave!
Yeahhhh!
"Can you do a dance battle vs. Soundwave to settle this everlasting conflict?"
That's actually a great idea!
He did call me out in the last one...
Soundwave!
If you're watchin' this, I challenge you to a dance battle!
Winner takes all!
Mm!
"Dear Jazz...
"Out of every Autobot, do you have any best friends?
"Or, do you consider ALL of your friends as equals?"
Well, I like to think all of my friends as equals...
but, for reals?
My best friend would have to be my man, Cliffjumper.
He's someone that I can vibe with...
dance with...
go out and DIE with...
and he's always been there for me when things got tough!
To add onto that...
we both know what it's like to be...
split in two.
If ya know what I'm sayin'.
(chuckles)
Ehhhhhh, I shouldn't joke about that.
"Jazz, how did you meet Cliffjumper?"
Cliff and I go WAY back.
See, we all met each other by, uhhh...
Uhhhh...
Ahhh...
Ah frag, I can't remember.
Uh, hang on one second.
Yo, Cliff?
How did we meet?
Cliffjumper: Oh, we just met at the Autobot Academy.
Cliffjumper: Same like anyone else.
Oh, uhhh...
Yeah.
That's how it happened.
"How do you feel every time Cliffjumper dies?"
Man, why do y'all had to do him dirty like that?!
He's a perfectly fine guy that just wants some love.
Just let 'im have the spotlight for once!
JEEZ!
And me too, while you're at it!
"Hey, Jazz...
"What was your reaction to your death in the Transformers movie?"
Bayverse Jazz: You wanna piece o' me?!
Bayverse Jazz: YOU WANNA PIECE?!!
Bayverse Megatron: NO!
Bayverse Megatron: I want... TWO! Bayverse Jazz: (screams in agony)
HOLY PRIMUS!!!
AAAAaAaaAAAaAAAaaAa-!!!!
Not gonna lie...
I had a lotta pride back then.
I always thought... nothin' bad would ever really happen to me 'cause...
well...
I thought I was a fan favorite.
But when it happened...
it really shook me up.
Tore me apart inside.
Missed out on a lotta movies.
Thankfully, I had my friends there to help me through it all.
Ever since then...
I've been a changed 'bot.
I've realized that...
nothin' is every really guaranteed in life.
Appreciate the small things before they're gone, y'know?
"What two plus two?"
Four.
"Can I have two pieces?"
Two pieces of what?
Bologna,
Bologna, salami,
Bologna, salami, ravioli,
Bologna, salami, ravioli, sushi,
Bologna, salami, ravioli, sushi, ratatouille...
macaroni,
macaroni, spaghetti,
macaroni, spaghetti, fettuccini...
me?
Gotta be specific, man!
"Dear Jazz...
"Are you black?"
E- uh...
Man, do I look black to you?!
"Why did you join the Autobots?"
The Autobots represent freedom,
and livin' the way you wanna live.
I'm all for that because I believe that freedom is the right of all sentient beings.
My buddy Optimus Prime taught me that.
He also taught me that some humans are REALLY weird...
and might ask some disturbing questions.
(laughs)
Well... he wasn't wrong!
(chuckles)
"Jazz, how does it feel to be the Spider-Man of the Autobots?"
Spider-Man is the most relatable out of all them heroes.
He's just a normal kid with everyday problems.
I appreciate that.
So call me Spider-Jazz all you'd like!
♩ Spider-Jazz, ♩
♩ Spider-Jazz, Spider-Jazz ♩
♩ Does whatever a Spider-Jazz can ♩
"Yooooo, Jazz! My main man!
"What would your name be if you were a Prime?"
Hmmm...
If I was a Prime...
my name would be...
my name would be... Meister Prime.
Or... Jazzimus Prime.
One of the two.
I still haven't decided.
"Are you aware of Nemesis Prime?"
Ohhhh, I'm very aware of Nemesis Prime.
That guy gives me the CREEPS!
Ugggh!
Does make me sad seein' him kill all my friends, though...
BUT, I'm sure it'll have a happy ending!
I just hope Johnny doesn't do anything crazy to me.
"Can you do a banana split?"
Yes, I can.
Next question.
Oh! Y'mean, can I do one right now?
Alright, then.
HOO!
"Jazz... what's your morning routine?
"You're my favorite Autobot."
Well...
(sighs)
I get up in the mornin'...
I take a look at the sun...
do my stretches...
clean myself up...
and then...
I go out for a nice, good ol' drive.
For about 30 miles, just to get my exercises in.
And...
Well, that's my mornin'.
Ladies...
you'll LOOOVE my night routine.
(chuckles)
It's goin' to sleep.
"Hey, Jazz...
"Who would you personally consider your worst enemy?"
Country music.
But in all seriousness...
Starscream...
Starscream... Shatter...
Starscream... Shatter... and Dropkick.
They all know what they did.
And they'll get what's comin' to them.
But... Dropkick and Shatter are dead, so...
two down...
two down... one more to go.
"Uhhhh, Jazz...
"I was wonderin' if you could search up Starscream on the Urban Dictionary,
"and see how you react to it."
(laughs hysterically)
OH MAN, I LOVE HUMANS!
Ohhhh man!
"Jazz...
"Optimus said that transformation was painful.
"If that is true, how would YOU describe it?"
Hmmmm...
I dunno about everyone else, but personally for me...
transformin' into vehicle mode feels like doin' five backflips,
thirty jumpin' jacks,
two hundred push-ups...
and one somersault.
All at the same time.
And then breakin' all your bones as your body forcefully mangles your limbs into position
like you're some kinda toy!
Really painful.
But awesome!
"Jazz, tell me...
"Do you have a girl?
"Just curious."
Nah, not yet.
Still lookin'.
Hopefully, I find someone that looks at what's inside rather than what's outside.
Y'know what I mean?
Buncha fake people out there, I'm tellin' ya.
"Hey, Jazz...
"What's the happiest thing in your life?"
The happiest thing in my life are my friends.
There's nothin' like havin' people there to support you when things get tough.
As Vin Diesel would put it...
they're family.
"Did you get your name from Earth,
"or you always had that name before you went to it?"
I've always had this name on Cybertron...
but... I guess it's just a coincidence that there's jazz on Earth.
But then that means...
Bumblebee,
Bumblebee, Ratchet,
Bumblebee, Ratchet, Mirage,
Bumblebee, Ratchet, Mirage, Soundwave...
are ALSO coincidences.
The hell?!
"Jazz...
"If you were to bump into Megatron...
"what would you say to him followin' what happened to your live-action version
"in the first Transformers film?"
Well, uh...
To be honest...
that wasn't really my fight to begin with.
So I kinda got what was comin'.
I've kinda moved on from what happened, but...
if he were here right now...
I would tell him that he could go screw himself.
(Megs: whatchu say about me bitch)
Nah, I'm just kiddin'.
(chuckles)
I would just say that you're one vicious son of a gun.
And I hope you don't do that again.
"Can you PLEASE notice me, Jazz-senpai?"
Hello, Big Transformers Nerd!
How ya doin'?
"Hey, Jazz!
"Why do you wear your visor all the time?
"Is there something you would like to show us?"
I wear a visor all the time, 'cause I like to go into battle with style!
Either I do somethin' right...
or I don't do it at all.
"Hey, Jazz...
"Last question from me.
"Have you ever been in an audition to be the next Prime?"
I have not.
But in the wise words of Justin Bieber...
never...
never... say...
never... say...never!
You guys think I should go for it?
Lemme know in the comments!
Alright...
Last question.
"How does it feel to be the coolest Autobot?"
Ehhhh...
Bein' the coolest is overrated.
All my life, I've been tryin' to get the attention of others.
To be liked.
Respected.
But after being labeled as "the cool one"...
I realized just how truly empty it is.
Everyone treats me like I'm someone special.
But all they see is the fame...
the swagger!
All they want is a PIECE of the attention.
That's not cool.
If you have the desire to be liked and appreciated, that's okay.
But just remember to always stay true and honest wit yoself.
Now THAT'S what I consider cool.
Oh!
Wait, we got one more question!
Hold up, hol up, hol up!
Ohohohohhh, I'm gonna like this one!
"Hey, Jazz!
"Can you rap?"
Does this answer your question?
Play it, DJ!
Yuuuhh!
Okay!
Just... lemme find my flow real quick.
Okay, okay.
I think I got somethin'.
Alright.
Here we go!
Listen!
Split half when I look back!
Fist gripped, eyes closed, run away like a mad dash!
Clap back to the flashback!
Movin' on to better things!
Strangers all over me!
Don't be fake, watch the att, and please don't be a drag!
Rollin' up first place, comin' down disgrace,
bounce back, might as well start a hashtag!
Racin' through the streets,
here in Iacon.
Fightin' every day,
war on Cybertron.
Raps so fire,
I could sure use some Energon.
Hit the bell and comment!
YAH! YAH! YAH! YAH!
Flow so vicious!
And I got the lines out with extensions!
Bars all cooked with the dishes!
And my love for you knows no distance!
Gotta finish fast 'cause you wanna be dismissed, dismissed!
You need to learn,
it's not about reachin',
the top!
It's about friends and family!
MIC DROP!