(upbeat music)
- For book club my choice is this,
it's a book about barbecuing.
It's wonderful.
- Sup guys!
- [Guys] Hey!
- Whoa another cool shirt Ally!
- [Ally] Oh yeah thoughts and prayers
I saw 'em last night, it was amazing.
- A concert oh really gosh you sure don't
seem like someone who'd be into good music.
- [Ally] Oh! Yeah you know me I just listen
to Green Day on repeat.
(laughing)
- Yeah that's Ally.
(sighing)
- It's just.
God it's so dumb.
I don't even know why I care.
(groaning)
- Katie?
- I'm fine!
- Okay good.
- Oh really?
Because it sounded like you were pretending
to care about me for a second there.
- No, not this, we're not doing this again.
- You boys.
- We're not boys.
- Used to be so into me.
Then Ally shows up, and it's like Katie?
Katie Who?
- No, we were never into you.
- Oh stop lying!
You boys.
- We're men!
- Used to be all over me.
Night and day you were sending me little sext
messages, putting little pictures of me in lockets
around your necks.
- I've never owned a locket.
- Kissing them whenever you get lonely.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Like you're drooling over her the second she
comes in.
- We're not.
- What is it about her?
Her beautiful blonde hair?
- Immediately wrong.
- Curled to perfection.
- Okay that's totally not true.
- All they do is flirt with you.
Raphael with that t shirt compliment.
Grant with that sexy wink.
God open your eyes.
- That's not flirting, that's just being nice.
I'm nice to all my friends.
- Oh, shut up.
And Zack you drive Ally home like every night
and you don't even attempt to hide it from me
anymore.
- Why would I have to hide it at all?
I mean she lives two blocks away from me
and she doesn't have a car.
- Wow, pretty convenient huh?
Weird that none of you ever drove me home.
But I guess I'm no Ally.
- Katie there was never any need, you have a car,
you can drive yourself.
- What is it about her?
Is she cooler than your wife Trav?
- No.
- Raph is her body more bangin' than your
fiancee's?
- Don't say bangin.
- Zack and Grant is she better able to
hang with the boys than your long term girlfriends?
- You clearly know that we're all in relationships.
We're not flirting.
- Yeah Katie stop, you've all met my girlfriend.
There's never been anything flirty between any of us
ever, we're just friends.
- Wow I did not expect you to be such a stupid idiot.
- [Guys] Whoa, hey.
- They're men!
Or should I say boys?
- No.
- Oh these boys just care about one thing.
And it ain't friendship, get the picture.
- We're not.
- It's rock hard pussy.
- [Guys] What?
- What are you talking about?
- Ally listen to me, all these boys care about
is that you're a woman.
You're just a hot little piece of ass to them.
- Okay you're being ridiculous.
- Oh they just walk around with their tiny
little brains inside of their even tinier
little penises.
- That makes no sense.
- Ally.
Ally, Ally, Ally.
I was just like you once.
I used to be the belle of the ball.
Well guess what baby, beauty fades.
- What are you talking about?
That was like two months ago, you look exactly the same.
(sniffling)
- You know what Ally?
You win!
Take good care of my boys.
I hope you're all very happy.
(slapping noise)
Good bye forever.
- [Guys] Ohh!
- Why wouldn't you throw them away?
Or wash them?
- You're not supposed to wash jeans you put them
in the freezer!
Hi it's Katie Marovitch from College Humor
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