- Would you like to learn how a masterful coach,
works with clients?
Would you like a detailed view on their coaching techniques,
and how they use them in their coaching sessions?
Well, you asked and we listened.
Hi, this is Ajit Nawalkha and today I'm breaking down,
a powerful real life coaching session,
so you can be an even better coach.
We're going to learn from the best
and use Master Coach and Evercoach author Rich Litvin,
live coaching session demonstration,
at Evercoach Summit 2016.
To help you make the most out of this video,
I'm going to take you through the step by step process,
of a powerful coaching conversation.
Show you some of the snippets of Rich demonstrating it,
and then some action steps that you can easily implement.
So, let's get down to business.
♪ Get down get down ♪
♪ And move it all around ♪
- If you know me or have been to any of our events,
you know, I like getting down.
If you like getting down give me a hell yeah,
in the comment section below. Okay, I digress.
But we got to have a little fun you all.
To have a powerful session, you must have a powerful start.
The first step, is going to set the tone
for the rest of the session. So make sure it's a great one.
The first pillar, is identify what they really need.
Oftentimes, clients get a coach because they seek for help,
but they're not clear on what they want and need
from their coach.
You'll know when they look something like this.
Having this clarity is crucial,
for you to guide your client in the right direction,
so you can create the result you committed to create.
So start the coaching conversation, bringing this clarity,
by understanding where your client is coming from
and diving deep into what they really need,
so you can best serve them.
A great question to start with is,
how can I serve you today?
Here's what I mean.
- I recently found myself laid off in May.
I am a corporate trainer,
it's a natural thing for me to talk from...
I'm happy usually when I'm talking,
and I find myself giving everything that I've got.
But oftentimes, I'm in the lay-off bunch,
and I find-- - What does that mean,
what's a lay-off bunch?
- Usually, am in a sector of a business that gets laid off.
So, I'm usually in the service sector or training sector,
and I'll find myself laid off after a couple of years or--
- This has happened a number of times?
- Correct. This is my third layoff.
So being... You know, but love what I do, I love to train,
I love to... - Let me pause you again
for the second time. How can I support you?
- I would say that, I need support in knowing that
everything happens for a reason, I find myself laid off.
But, I think it's because I should be moving into my purpose
and it's terrifying to--
- What's terrifying?
- It is terrifying to figure out what that is,
lean in, live it every day,
when I'm used to being given content
or being told what to say.
So, for me to step out on my own, in my own message,
to really kind of evolve
without having I guess--
- So let me ask you a question - Sure
- What if, let's assume for a second that Bryan was correct,
you might not be, but let's assume that he's correct.
What he told us is that, you don't need a message.
Your clients are the ones who you need to listen to.
- To be quiet.
- How would life change you? - To be quiet.
I think that would be my challenge.
I'm used to always talking, - Okay.
- So for me to be quiet, to actively listen for that story,
I think is also terrifying.
Because I would rather just sit here and talk all day,
about whatever - Fill the space?
- Fill the space, but to really be present,
to really receive,
and to know that I'm doing that efficiently,
I think is also terrifying.
- Note, that there's a difference between what they need,
and what they really need. In this short clip,
we could see how Rich was trying to peel back
the layers of the onion,
in order to get to the bottom of things.
What they really need.
know yourself and you will win all battles.
As a coach, you must be able
to wiggle your way through the layers,
and know when you've hit the jackpot of needs.
So, if they say they need help building their business,
maybe what they really need,
is to work on their mindset or habits.
What are some of your go-to opening questions that stick?
Share with me in the comment section below.
The second pillar, help your client see what they can't see.
Have you ever played peekaboo with a baby?
Even though we're just hiding behind our hands,
a baby doesn't realize this,
and get surprised every time you show up again.
Sometimes, the thing that is right in front of you,
is the least obvious to see. This is where a coach comes in.
Let's first watch Rich approach this pillar,
in his coaching demonstration.
- Yeah and a building company till 2008.
- Tell me about that building company.
- The building company was from age 40 to 49,
we did 18 million in sales.
And in 2008 when the economy fluctuated,
you know,
it was a good time to leave.
- Yeah, was that a hard time?
- It was a real hard time. Yeah, I lost everything in 2008.
- Yeah, it was hard being fired, but losing everything,
it takes it to another level. I get it.
- It was devastating, you know,
I remember decorating the backyard
for my daughter's graduation
and they were towing vehicles out of my driveway.
Yeah.
- I'm a dad so, I feel that one.
Just tell me, back into your business,
$80 million but towards the end of it,
four years in, what was business like?
- In the building company?
Probably 400,000,
half a million maybe,
yeah.
- How did you feel back then?
Did it feel like we're a complete success,
or did it feel like we should be doing so much better?
- Oh, no, it never felt like a success.
Yeah, it didn't matter where I got.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- So, what I'm hearing if I'm right,
is that one of the mindsets
that helps you to succeed in life,
is if I don't feel like a success,
then I have to take certain actions,
do certain things, shop a certain way,
and that leads to success?
- Yes
- And it works, right?
- Seems to, yeah.
- So, you not feeling like a success as a coach,
is what at least until now,
is the mindset that works for you,
and you want me to take that away?
- Yes, yeah.
I never looked at it like it's the mindset I've created
to achieve success.
- What Rich does is he ask questions
about the background and history,
to start identifying patterns that are being repeated
in the client's behavior.
For example, what were you doing before?
Tell me about that time,
was it a hard time?
How did you feel back then?
These patterns are behavioral models,
that the clients seem to repeat over and over again,
unconsciously, in different situations.
Uncovering these patterns,
could be a major turning point for the client.
They will become aware of these unconscious mindsets
and behaviors,
which is the first step towards change and transformation.
Another useful tool to help your clients see
what they can't see,
is to give them the space to imagine their future.
This is and especially valuable technique,
for clients who are not sure,
what they want out of the coaching conversation,
because their goal is unclear.
Rich has a very fun way to do this,
and it goes something like this.
- Three years have gone by,
I pick up the phone.
"Hi Rich it's Greg. It's been three years,
remember we sat on stage together at that event,
and I shared some stuff with you.
Well, these three years have been amazing.
My life has transformed business, personal life,
professionally, everything's transformed."
What would you be telling me Greg?
- Okay. - Will you talk to me
right now, as if we're literally on the phone.
I'm going to pick up the phone in second,
and you're in present tense,
you're telling me, "Well, life is..."
Here's how you're going to begin,
are you okay with bad language?
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, so you're going to start with this,
"Holy shit Rich."
So, "Greg, hi, I wasn't expecting to hear from you."
- "Holy shit Rich."
- Enabling your client to imagine their life
as if they were in that present moment,
brings up their conscious or unconscious dreams.
It will be highly valuable for you, as the coach,
to understand what direction they want to take,
so you can best help them, get there.
What's next?
The third pillar, is create the space for your clients,
to have insights.
Here's where many coaches make a huge mistake,
when trying to create results for their clients.
They give out all the advice, lists down what they would do,
and answer their client's questions.
That's the exact opposite,
of what we should be doing as a coach.
Shifts don't happen because we give out all the answers,
it's like giving a student the response sheet
before the exam.
They might pass the exam,
but they surely won't learn anything.
The power of coaching is this,
you're expected to give people the path to find the answers,
not the answers.
Help your client by not telling them the insights,
but through opening up the space for them,
to have the insights.
That's how real profound and lasting shifts happen.
Here's a great question Rich uses,
that you should write down.
- Most people are seeking freedom from.
Freedom from my boss, freedom from my job,
freedom from my wife, my husband, my boyfriend,
freedom from my kids, if only had more time, freedom...
Freedom from debt,
this is a three level distinction.
You can move beyond freedom from, to freedom to.
That's a life changer. Freedom to have a job that I love,
freedom to make an impact,
freedom to travel wherever I want to, whenever I want to.
And there's a level beyond that,
and that's freedom.
And, that's not freedom from or it's not even freedom to,
it's the freedom that's inside of you,
that you have access to in any moment.
What do you hear when I share that distinction?
- What do you hear, when I share that distinction?
Allow your client to find the hidden gems,
from your conversations.
What emotions or thoughts are coming up?
What belief or mindset has surfaced,
that they didn't know they had?
What are they discovering about themselves,
that they weren't aware of?
The fourth pillar is to dive deeper,
into what your client needs.
Now, you might wonder, what do you mean by dive deeper?
We already uncovered what our clients needs
in the first part, right? - Yeah.
- Well, yes. But as you move into the conversation,
and your client starts gaining insights,
they will also notice new thoughts, behaviors,
patterns arising and they hadn't seen those before.
This means, they will also have more clarity,
on the direction they need to take
and the action steps that should follow.
Here's an example on how Rich approaches this.
- Where wouldn't I have gone?
What's the deeper cut we haven't yet gone to?
The thing you don't want to say.
Yeah, that one.
- That I think,
one of the things that really holds me back is,
the way I have my business setup,
I am not at all the face of my business.
People know my name, but people don't really like,
if you look at any of my marketing anything else,
I'm really not the face of it.
And I think that,
I'm incredibly afraid to put myself out there like that,
even though I know it's something that I need to do.
- That's a big one for you, right?
- It's a big one.
- See what happens when you're willing to go where you...
It looked like I was done.
So you're pretty bold, coming up here then?
- Did you notice how one simple question,
took the conversation even deeper than it was before?
You have the power to push and challenge your clients more,
even when they think they might have already had
all the insights they need?
What else is there?
What can be left to work on?
If not in that session, in the next one.
Start unlocking the mindsets they need to get rid of,
the new behaviors they should embrace
and the action steps they should start taking.
And it all came from one simple powerful question.
What would we have missed
if you stopped the conversation at this moment?
The fifth pillar, is to know when to stop the conversation.
It's important as a coach to know,
when to keep pushing your clients and to know when to stop.
Other than ending a conversation when the time is up,
notice when the client has had enough deep shifts,
and need some downtime to process on what just happened,
and call it a day.
If we keep overloading them,
it might backfire as they could find it too overwhelming
to process or to move forward,
or they might have too many insights
and an unclear direction, of their next steps,
as Rich simply puts.
Another piece in the art of coaching,
is to know when to take somebody off the hot seat.
Those were the five pillars,
to deliver a powerful coaching conversation,
based on key elements,
from this live coaching demonstration.
The first pillar,
was to identify what your client really needs.
The second one, was to help clients see what they can't see.
The third, was to create space
for your clients to have insights.
The fourth, was to dive deeper into what your client needs.
The fifth pillar, was to know when to stop the conversation.
Which of these steps do you want to start trying immediately
in your coaching sessions?
Share it with us in the comment section below,
so we can all learn together.
My hope is that you now understand,
how coaching session could look like.
The demonstration snippets we just saw,
were from a powerful coaching conversation.
You could also deliver coaching sessions like that,
if you keep doing the work.
My wish for you, is that you continue to learn, practice
and get better and better, in your coaching ability.
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