we are in this uh sort of final three
weeks here at tbs
and uh our last show uh will be
on june 24th and as i've said
i'll be leaving the nightly format that
i've been doing for the last 28 years um
i am filled with gratitude tbs
has been absolutely fantastic to us
they've let us experiment
have fun do whatever we want it's been a
great
11 years so during these last couple of
weeks we want to salute
our time here by having fun guests
surprises and even starting next week
for the last two weeks live audiences
here at the largo that's going to be
great
getting some they'll cover up the sound
of the sirens yeah i don't know maybe
by the way this theater the walls in
this theater are made of tissue
so and we're right here on la cienega
boulevard so if there's a siren
six miles away we hear it while we're
taping in this theater we hear it yeah
yeah it looks like someone found out our
show was wrapping up
and they uh they called an emt that's
right and i'm a volunteer fireman so i'm
you know i have to time i have to get
out of here when i hear it you're a
volunteer fireman
not officially okay yeah if you show up
with the gear they let you
you know hold your hose
so you basically have an ax and a hose
and they made you even
great yeah that's happened at disneyland
[Laughter]
anyway as you can imagine we're going to
be looking back at some of our favorite
things we did here
during the tbs era and uh tonight i
wanted to show you
uh the time that uh me and my trusty
assistant sonum obsession
met with hr to work out our issue
sona and i uh we've long had famously
a rather contentious relationship so we
got a real person from hr
and talked to them and this was a um a
remote we shot
that uh well i think it bears
looking at once more blair you are from
hr i am here at turner i am that's
terrific so tell me what's going on with
you guys
i have a lot of issues he tells people
that i
floated to this country in a basket and
that he found me in a bush
and that i learned how to speak english
by watching reruns of dynasty
i said that once to a rolling stone
reporter
yes and it got printed in rolling stone
magazine
and how did that make you feel it didn't
make me feel good
he has uh knocked food out of my hand
on more than one occasion uh she'll be
having a cooking be like oh my god these
cookies in the green room are so good
and she'll be
holding it up just perfect like perfect
height like this
and i'll go and knock the cookie and
sometimes it really goes
flying and if there are people around
they all laugh because they have to
because i'm the boss
[Laughter]
okay it's hot in here like if we're out
at a store or something running an
errand
he'll tell the workers you better watch
out for her because she steals
and that must that must really hurt your
feelings we went to this store
to shop for glasses for me and
you were looking around at all the cases
on your own
i said keep an eye out for this one
she's got sticky fingers
but do you understand how that might
make her feel like a criminal
exactly i might if i say if you think
you know please go ahead thank you
is it my turn um
you routinely call me a dick a monster
yeah you say that uh i'm irish so all i
do is eat potatoes
just i think she does a lot which is she
says i'll ask her something on the phone
and i'll say can you do that and she'll
say yes
and she hangs up and then it goes right
out of her head
and that happens a lot but i forget a
lot so how do we how do we resolve that
maybe less edibles at night okay
uh what would you do outside of the
workplace thank you should it matter she
jumps inside the world she chumps him
like scooby snacks
and i'll tell you something else what if
outside the
uh office behavior affects inside the
office behavior that's a different story
yeah and that's my story uh
because i think sometimes you were so
whacked out on your wacky tobacco
uh your chewy galooys as i think the
kids call them
your human hamonas your jubjubs and
gelatos your beds
i think that there is a mental block i
have about helping him
because um does he say please wait wait
wait this was huge and you jumped in
you jumped in she has a mental block
against helping me
she's my assistant
you have a mental block against
assisting me let's understand why
let's understand why i think uh some
positive reinforcement
would be nice and also it'd be great if
you stopped being so passive aggressive
all the time i'm not passive aggressive
these are slanders these are libels
i am not a passive-aggressive man i am
but a man all safe space he goes into
character when he doesn't want to
address
reality sometimes this is not cool
i disagree i
think i'm always comfortable in any
space
do you he does too many bits do you see
the bits that he this never stops
it never but the bits are never ending
you do work for a comedian an artist not
any comedian
one of the great comedians oh my god
you work for a comedian how many
comedians right now does tbs have
oh right a few the impractical jokers
can we talk about his neediness too
maybe before we get to that
how needy well it's always the
impractical jokers
those wags from staten island they get
all the glory
i'm sorry fellas i didn't mean to go
after you i knew you all
grew up on a landfill you're doing the
best you can
i hope they have some good tricks that
they can play we'll see
on that orphanage
go in there and tell those kids that we
found a father for them
now tell them it's no father
[Laughter]
impractical jokers sometimes he'll come
up and he'll be like
hey stupid called and it says it's you
you get it if i just said you were
stupid i agree that's not funny and
that's abusive
but if i tell you that you got a phone
call and you're like oh really and i go
yeah
stupids online won and he says
that he's you which meaning by
implications
oh man that's a home run that's a home
run that is like you ever see the movie
the natural
when when robert redford hits that ball
and it hits it nothing goes out of the
park it hits the lights at night and
they explode
and i'm just rounding the bases in slow
motion i've just been
slowly going around the bases showering
down sparks
but do you know that most people do have
feelings no idea
i believe sona has feelings i have
feelings what i do
why don't we talk about this before i
tell you all the time
i tell you to stop you know telling
people i steal babies from the
marketplace
you've never been tempted to steal a
baby at the marketplace i think the
stealing theme keems coming up here
why does this stick to you this stealing
thing i mean i used to steal
oh yeah okay you used to steal what did
you
i was totally kidding around this is a
breakthrough i stole
a little sticker book from sanrio years
ago i stole skittles from blockbuster i
stole a stick of gum once from the
uh market i stole a bracelet from
express i stole another bracelet from
express hat someone told me to return it
and i did
and then i uh i stole a headband from
urban outfitters
once i stole a hat okay and this this
list doesn't say there's some validity
this is a crime spree that the hillside
strangler would envy
so here we are at uh sona's desk nothing
sets
the tone like this sign okay right here
yeah
i mean people see this sure when they
come in
i've done so much for sona and all i ask
in return is little things like this
hey conan oh hey sona what's going on
i'm just enjoying some cookies
where'd you get them i got them from the
green room oh they look absolutely
delicious
that's all i'm asking for in return that
gives me so much joy
what yeah still eat it the cookies still
there's all this war i mean i'm glad
that you got joy
it's it's it was not like you get that
we're past we are pals and this works
for us
it's sick it's wrong very little is
accomplished
very very little yeah it's insanity and
it should be stopped
it's your job to stop it but you won't
stop it would would
would you like me to fire you i think we
should both be fired
well this is great yes you're happy now
you did this i didn't do it you did it
i'm gonna get a job at a burger king and
you're gonna be my assistant i crush it
at burger king
our uh our thoughts by the way are with
sona right now
because she is expecting twins can you
believe it she's gonna
and and uh any week now she's gonna be
the mom to
uh to two babies to two babies yes not
just one big one
[Laughter]
two babies we're really thrilled for her
we love you sona
and uh we can't wait to have you back
in our lives we love you sona that's
right
and he loves you