Oh, my God.
-It sounds like a diesel locomotive. -It's going.
I don't think the desert's doing your Afrika Korps car any good at all.
Despite the modifications,
our little sports cars were even less suitable here
than they had been in the war zones.
Oh, this is not good.
Can you not hear stones ripping the under tray of your car to pieces?
This is so bad!
I'm stuck.
It's like water.
Here we go.
Go.
Watch it!
Sorry!
Go, go, go!
I've been bitten. Look at that. My arm's swollen up.
I've got one on my back here.
We were taking a battering and things were about to get a lot worse.
Snatch from there.
And turn.
I've dug a big hole.
All right, stop. Stop. Stop.
Just pull him at a slight angle. We'll tip him on to wheel's better.
Right, go that way.
OK. Go, go, go, go, go.
Stop, stop. Stop, stop!
You all right, James? How are you feeling?
Sick.
-Yeah, if you want to sit up... -Do you want to sit up?
-Where are we? -In the desert in Syria.
Do you know where we're going?
Plainly, James was in a bad way, so he was taken to hospital,
leaving Hammond and I to carry on alone.
The next day, the mood was gloomy.
I don't think we can deny it any longer. The desert has taken its toll on our team.
One man down.
Jeremy's been bitten by something and his arm's rotting off.
It's a beating.
Soon, though, news reached us that James was recovering
and then in the middle of nowhere, we came across something amazing.
-Hammond? -Yep?
You know what that is, don't you? It's a road.
And it is real.
-It is a road. Look how smooth it is. -There's no rocks.
It's smooth and there are no scorpions in it.
Hang on. Yes, but you're forgetting why we're in the desert anyway.
We're sneaking. We go on a road, people will see us.
We can't use it. We can't use it.
What if... we go on the road and disguise ourselves in the cars?
That's brilliant.
So, we put our plan into action and went to pick James up from hospital.
What are you two wearing?
-Where's yours? -Very funny.
-Have you left it in there? -No, I'm better.
It's only a small bang on the head and I'm mended.
A small cut, that's it.
-You really are better? -Completely.
Who am I?
You're a big cock.
-Who am I? -Irritating little sod.
-He's better. -He is better, isn't he?
Anyway, we've got a cunning new plan.
-The desert wasn't working. -And?
So, we've decided we going to carry on with our route in disguise.
It's us.
Tonight on Carry On Are You Being It Ain't Half Dad's Army's Mother...
See, nothing to see.
Just a girl driving an unusual car.
Who's going to look twice at that?
We were now on the road to Damascus
and the new-found speed was causing problems.
I've got quite bad wobble from the six wheels here.
It's getting quite bad!
Hammond, how's your tent taking the strain?
I'm not sure Bedouin tents are made to do 60-80 kilometres an hour.
We decided to press on, but then, Jeremy's car decided otherwise.
My engine's gone.
The engine... Oh, no!
At the roadside, Hammond dismantled his tent,
Jeremy removed his stupid extra wheels and then we all gathered round his engine.
The spark plug has blown out again.
This time, though, the problem was more serious.
Give it a rev.
It's come out again.
I tell you exactly what's happened is the engine has changed its mind.
On the road to Damascus,
it's decided it wants to be a three-cylinder engine.
Unable to fix it, we moved on.
This is my world now.
And soon, I was left far behind. But then...
Hang on, what's that?
Oh, God, no, no!
The Fiat's tyre had changed its mind about having air in it.
Bugger!
Oh, no!
Space saver.
Oh, God!
Right up me burka!
That'll do it.
The puncture allowed Jeremy to catch up and soon, we arrived in Damascus.
7,000 years, this city's been here.
It's amazing to arrive at such a place and just blend in.
It wasn't the smoothest journey to Damascus, if I'm honest.
Still, let's look on the bright side, I think we have made it unnoticed.
Hundreds of miles of desert crossed anonymously and we're at the hotel.
-All we got to do is hide the cars. -We have done it.
We've made... Oh, God, no, look, Hammond!
-Above you. -Oh, God!
We haven't done that, have we? Hello.
Hello.
I've appeared on television in drag for nothing.