- AND DID YOU HAVE A GOOD HALLOWEEN?
- YES, OF COURSE. - YES.
- WHO DOESN'T LOVE HALLOWEEN?
- SOME PEOPLE DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT IT AS MUCH.
DO YOU DRESS--DO YOU DO THE WHOLE TRICK-OR-TREATING THING?
- OH, YEAH.
I MEAN, WHEN YOU HAVE LITTLE KIDS, HALLOWEEN IS THE DAY.
I MEAN, IT'S CHRISTMAS AND HALLOWEEN,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHICH COMES FIRST, BUT HALLOWEEN IS...
- WELL, IT DOES COME FIRST. CHRISTMAS IS IN DECEMBER.
- OH, THANK YOU.
THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP. - YOU'RE WELCOME.
- MM-HMM.
YEAS, SO HALLOWEEN IS DEFINITELY--
IT'S A BIG DEAL AT OUR HOUSE.
- DO YOU DO THE WHOLE HOUSE THING?
DO YOU DECORATE YOUR HOUSE?
- OH, OUR HOUSE IS JUST OBNOXIOUS, YEAH.
STARTING FROM THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER THROUGH EASTER,
WE LIVE IN, LIKE, A HALLMARK CARD HOUSE.
- REALLY?
- YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S JUST--
AFTER SCHOOL YOU'RE SITTING AROUND,
AND YOU FEEL LIKE, WELL, LET'S DO SOME SPIDER WEBS,
OR, LET'S MAKE GHOSTS, OR LET'S--
YOU KNOW, WE'VE MADE BATS THAT HANG FROM THE CEILING.
- WOW, YOU REALLY ARE CRAFTY. - SURE, SURE.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU DO--
- YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I CAN CUT OUT A BAT.
[laughter]
I GOT IT.
- DO YOU MAKE THEIR OWN COSTUMES?
- SOMETIMES.
RIGHT NOW FOR MY DAUGHTER'S LOVELY PRESCHOOL--
- HOW OLD IS SHE? - SHE IS ALMOST FIVE.
- MM-HMM. - AND THEY DO A THEME.
SO THEY DO THEIR OWN COSTUMES AT THIS SCHOOL,
AND THIS YEAR IT'S "UNDER THE SEA,"
AND SHE--YOU KNOW, I WAS LIKE, "OH, THIS IS SO GREAT.
"YOU COULD BE A JELLYFISH,
"LIKE, AN UMBRELLA WITH STUFF HANGING DOWN--
"YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN.
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO CHEAT. YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN."
AND SHE SAID, "I'LL BE A SEA HORSE."
A SEA HORSE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE A SEA HORSE?
- WELL, AND HOW HARD TO WALK AS A SEA HORSE.
- RIGHT, 'CAUSE THE TAIL. - YEAH.
- SO I HAVE TO ADMIT,
I DID USE A LOT OF GLUE AND STAPLES,
AND IT IS MADE.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- WELL, IS THAT CHEATING, TO USE GLUE AND STAPLES?
I MEAN, HOW ELSE WOULD YOU MAKE IT?
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SEW IT?
- I THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SEW IT OR WEAVE IT OR--
- WEAVE IT? - YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE--
CROCHET IT, WHATEVER. I USED STAPLES.
- LIKE, WHO HAS A LOOM IN THEIR HOUSE
THAT THEY'RE WEAVING A SEA HORSE?
- THEY PROBABLY HAVE ONE AT THIS PRESCHOOL, BUT--
- WOW. - YES, WE MADE A SEA HORSE.
- AND THEN WHAT WERE THE OTHER--
YOU HAVE TWO OTHER CHILDREN, RIGHT?
- YEAH, SO, GOSH, WE HAD A MUMMY--
A SCARY MUMMY.
WE HAD A HORSE,
'CAUSE MY LITTLE DUDE IS OBSESSED WITH HORSES,
AND WE HAD--THE LITTLE ONE WAS MADELINE AT NIGHT.
- UH-HUH.
- SO THEY DIDN'T GO IN A THEME THIS YEAR.
- NO.
- WE DECIDED TO BREAK APART ANY FAMILY THEMES.
- AND WHAT WERE YOU?
- [drawn out] I WAS A MOM.
- [teasing] OKAY.
[laughter]
- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S A SUBJECT OF DEBATE.
YOUR KIDS--YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOUR KIDS--
MY KIDS WANT US TO DRESS UP, BIG-TIME.
- SURE THEY DO.
- AND I REMEMBER WHEN MY FIRST WAS TWO AND A HALF,
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME-- AND SOMEBODY SAID,
"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE FOR HALLOWEEN?"
AND SHE WAS READING THIS LITTLE BOOK--
IT WAS "BIG DOG LITTLE DOG," AND SHE SAID,
"I'M GONNA BE TED," WHO IS THE LITTLE DOG.
AND I WAS, LIKE, EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT,
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE SAID, "AND SHE'S GONNA BE FRED."
SO I KNEW I HAD TO TAKE THE HIT, AND I GOT THE FULL DOG COSTUME,
AND I GOT A TURTLENECK THAT SAID "FRED"
AND I DID THE WHOLE--
IT WAS AGONIZING, BUT I DID IT.
AND THEN, YOU KNOW,
ANOTHER YEAR THEY WERE GONNA BE LITTLE MERMAID PEOPLE,
AND BEN CAME HOME FROM WORK
AND THE COSTUME DEPARTMENT HAD PUT TOGETHER
KING TRITON FOR HIM,
BECAUSE HE JUST LIKED THE IDEA OF BEING
THE KING OF THE SEA, YOU KNOW.
SO HE REALLY WENT WITH THAT FOR A WHILE--
"KING OF THE SEA!"
AND THEN LAST YEAR I SAID,
"YOU KNOW, LET'S SKIP DRESSING UP.
YOU AND I--WE'RE GROWN-UPS. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT."
AND THEY JUST TALKED--THEY CAN TALK HIM INTO ANYTHING,
SO THEY STARTED ON HIM--
WE WERE "WIZARD OF OZ."
AND THIS IS THE DEAL--
I WAS GLINDA,
AND THEN WE HAD DOROTHY AND THE SCARECROW AND--
OH, I'M FORGETTING A KID. HANG ON, I CAN'T FORGET A CHILD.
[laughter]
THE LION--THANK YOU-- AND THE LION,
AND THEN BEN WAS THE TIN MAN.
- ARE MY PRODUCERS HELPING YOU REMEMBER A CHILD?
[laughter]
- LOOK, WHATEVER IT TAKES. - OKAY.
- REALLY, I MEAN, IF THEY ALL GET HOME FROM SCHOOL,
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A GOOD DAY.
- WHAT WERE YOU-- YOU WERE DOROTHY?
- I WAS GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH. - YOU WERE GLINDA.
AND THEN--AND BEN WAS WHO? - THE TIN MAN.
SO WE GO TO ANOTHER NEIGHBORHOOD TO TRICK-OR-TREAT,
AND I AM WEARING A FULL-ON BALL GOWN.
IT WAS THIS PINK, FLUFFY--
IT WAS ITCHY. IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE.
THERE IS NOT ANOTHER GROWN-UP IN SIGHT DRESSED UP
EXCEPT FOR BEN AFFLECK AND ME.
AND HE IS IN A FULL-ON TIN MAN,
AND HE SEES ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE THERE
AND REALIZES WE'RE THE ONLY ONES DRESSED UP,
AND HE JUST TOOK HIS TIN MAN OFF AND WALKED AROUND AND LEFT ME--
HIS WING MAN, HIS PARTNER IN LIFE--HANGING AS GLINDA.
SO NOW I'M SOLO.
I'M JUST, LIKE, IN AGONY,
SO I KNOW HE WOULDN'T WANT YOU GUYS TO MISS OUT
ON HIM AS TIN MAN, SO I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING.
- DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM AS TIN MAN?
[cheers and applause]
- YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.
- HE'S NOT GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
- OH, I'M SURPRISED HE DIDN'T ALREADY TWEET IT.
- YEAH. [laughs]