I got here an hour early. Don't know why.
I've been pretending to read this book for the past 45 minutes. No clue what it's about.
I don't know if it's possible but I may have literally lost my mind.
Oh no no - you can't have that chair. Sorry, I'm meeting someone here. He likes to sit, so -
Ma'am, we're gonna need this table. The other patrons are starting to complain.
Okay, fine. It's a blind date, so I'm a little worried about what I'm gonna talk about,
and if it's gonna be super awkward, and if it doesn't work out - what that says about me - big picture.
- That you're un-dateable. - Okay. Not where I was going.
- 8:01. - Yeah, he's not coming.
This is kind of my thing. I venture into some new, unfamiliar territory - like online dating -
Sixty percent of those guys are convicted felons.
And then he shows up and I start worrying about everything.
Some big things. A lot of little things. And I'm focusing on the details. The content.
See, Anxiety wants to drag you down - with content. He's trying to pull you down there in the muck with the
sticky floor tiles and straw wrappers and spilled soy lattes.
Sorry, lots of content down here. Sorry. Pardon me.
But we're not going down there. I'm staying up here. Up here - this is where we win.
Up here - this is where we make bad choices.
Like me compulsively checking the time or wondering whether I did or did not put on deodorant.
That would be focusing on content. But I'm off content. I'm content free. I'm staying up here.
We need to learn how to live with uncertainty. Period. We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
- Speaking of unemployed. - I am not. I'm in between jobs, and -
See? This is what I'm talking about. It's like this content vacuum. I get sucked in every time.
You're right. You suck at this.
He will generate every type of uncertainty - about your love life, about your hygiene,
about whatever gets you going. The point is: Anxiety wins when you pay attention to the content of your worries.
So, what do we do instead? Well, we can just notice the worry and then go back to whatever it was we were doing.
- Just a second. [sprays] - Okay, cool. I notice that I'm sweating. But I'm not gonna fixate on it. I'm not even gonna fix it.
I'm just gonna - I'm gonna be sweaty. I notice, and then I go back to whatever it was I was doing.
- What's this guy's name again? - Jett.
- Jett? - Yeah, yes, Jett, okay? Jett.
Excuse me, is there a guy named Jett here?
This woman's been waiting for an hour for a guy named Jett. Anyone know a convicted felon named Jett??
Hey, I just realized he might totally bail - and that would make me feel really stupid. ... Yeah. Okay.
Oh, is that how you wanna play?
See? That wasn't so bad. Woop woop!
Single white female at the center table. She'll date anyone. Really. She's even online. 8:04, Susan.
Okay. So he's not gonna leave that easy. In fact, he's probably gonna be around for a while.
But our job is not to get rid of him. Our job is to accept that things go wrong sometimes.
Some days I forget to put on deodorant.
- More days than we care to mention. - I might make an ass of myself. I might get stood up.
We have to accept that uncertainty - or, even better, we have to start to welcome that uncertainty.
[rapid heartbeat] - How do you like me now?
Okay, that's scary. My heart is beating really fast right now.
Yeah, cause this is actually scary. Let's go home, Susan. let's go home and cry ourselves to sleep like we always do.
He wants you to feel like you need to be 100% certain of everything,
but that's not possible. I'm still not 100% certain that I'm wearing deodorant!
- You're not. - And that's okay. I can be uncertain about that.
I can be uncertain about having an awkward conversation with a guy whose legal name is Jett.
You don't need Jett. You've got me.
If he wants you to feel certain, then we should welcome the uncertainty.
Maybe we even seek out that distress and discomfort - seek it out out on purpose.
It sounds absolutely bananas, I know. But trust me - he hates that.
- 8:08. - He probably bailed. Cool. I can live with that.
You're gonna be alone forever. ... Hey, give me something!
Come hold this so I can pee!
[heartbeat slows]