Hey dude check it out, look what I just got
The new iPhone! The new iPhone unbelievable yeah
This things the bomb. Yeah what kind of apps do ya have? Oh God I've got tons.
Will I show you yeah? Yeah yeah show us all yeah! Ok yeah yeah cool. I've got the um, I've got the uh...
Yeah, yeah. The beer buddy app. This thing's great. Okay.
Say you're on a night out and you've had a few too many pints.
You can start to fade around like about two in the morning yeah.
You need a bit of encouragement to keep going. Okay?
This things perfect right. Okay you just say into this something like um, ah I don't even know, um ok yeah
I've had enough. 'Have another pint.'
(audience laughter)
I'm driving. 'Have a shot.'
(audience laughter)
I have a very serious liver operation in the morning
One more pint, and I'll die. 'Don't be such a little bitch.'
It's good, isn't it?
I like the diagnosis app. You'll love this. This'll save you a fortune ok.
When you're sick you say your symptoms into the app right,
it diagnoses them and tells you exactly what you're suffering from
How good is that. That's actually useful. Yeah you'd save a fortune, wouldn't ya?
Here you should give it a bash yeah.
Oh oh there's nothin' wrong with me now so. It doesn't matter, it could be the smallest little thing yeah.
Well I had a headache. 'Brain tumour.'
(audience laughter) Um ah you'll be, you'll be fine.
yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleep it off Yeah, yeah, yeah
What else do you have there? Um yeah I've got, oh yeah yeah, the period detector app
(audience laughter)
Yeah you're on your own there Séanie so uh...
(audience laughter)
I didn't know that he was gonna... No no let me explain. Ah no don't. No but ye ye know, what this app wil do right
It will tell you.
You no when um...
When a women...you know it'll tell you
when a woman, when a w-women,when a www-woman's um
(stumbling)
Don't buy it, there's no point. So did you, yyyyou.
You can, you can, you can stay away from her.
Yeah she likes it
Knew is good man yeah. Ah here right, the awkward silence app. This is great.
You know awkward silences don't ya. Ah yeah yeah. The tension is horrific right
This thing, when it hears an awkward silence in the room, it breaks all the tension by playing a fart noise.
(audience laughter) Ah that's genius.
I know it's great isn't.. Ah that would be great on dates and stuff when you've got nothing to say
(audience laughter) It would be brilliant. Why don't we do a demonstration?
Yeah yeah yeah absolutely right grab someone.
Yeah grab anyone, it doesn't matter
Um sorry, could I borrow ya just for one sec? (audience laughter) 'Period detected.'
(audience laugh loudly)
(fart noise)
Well you see it broke the tension yeah...
'Brrrr brrrrr Clare calling.' Ah no way, it's my sister. Yeah don't answer that.
'Brrr brrr'. It's my sister. I slept with her
(long fart noises)
You slept with my sister?! Ah now well actually... You slept with my... We were drunk man, we were drunk!!
You were drunk?! Yeah, I'm really sorry man. What the fuck, sorry man?!
Yeah I didn't know what we were doing man.
Omg you know what I've had enough, I've had enough. 'Have another pint' (audience laughter)
Look, ya wanna know something, do ya? I can't even look at you right now.
'West African river blindness.' (audience laugh loudly)
You just do me a favour, will ya? Will you leave me alone, will you leave me alone! Yeah yeah
My God, I am in the worst mood. If anybody comes near me I'll...
'Period detected' Mother fucker! *Cymbal crash*
(audience laughter & cheering)