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What’s good young thugs?
This week we keepin it church with "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis."
War is ragin through the streets of London, so the Pevensie kids - Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy -
gotta pack up they sh*t and head to the boonies to live wit crazy Professor Kirke.
Lil Lucy just scopin the crib and decide to hop up in a brutha’s wardrobe, when ZAP!
Girl in a magical forest up in this magical hood called Narnia.
WHOA!
Lucy roll up to a lamppost and start conversatin with a faun named Mr. Tumnus.
Mr. T. like, "Wanna po up some tea over at my crib?”
“Oh. Aight. Word.”
Thang is, tho, Tumnus ain’t jus havin a girl over to do some sippin:
Naw, he break down and tell Lucy that he was plottin to turn her over to the evil White Witch.
This bad bitch been rulin over Narnia for years and usin them swole powers to make it always winter, but never Christmas.
That’s some bullsh*t.
Tumnus was gonna hand Lucy over, but since she's just so damn real, he let her go.
When Lucy pop outta da wardrobe and start tellin errybody else bout Narnia, they all like, “Girl is you rollin?”
‘specially her bro Edmund.
Later, while the kids playing hide n’ seek, Lucy and Edmund get all up in that wardrobe and ZOW! - Back to Narnia.
Edmund forgets all bout his little sista and starts flyin solo.
Outta nowhere, the White Witch rolls up on him and girl slips him some magical Turkish Delight.
That’s that dank!
He like, “Lady. Give me some more of dat!”
But she say, “Nuh-uh playboy. I ain’t givin you sh*t until you bring all your brothas and sistas to me.
You do that, and I ain’t only gonna give you all da Turkish Delight you want, but I’ll make you Prince of da land.
Sounds pretty tight to me.
After some hardcore chillin with Mr. Tumnus, Lucy find Edmund and they head back home.
But Edmund keep his mouth shut bout da witch.
Back at da crib, Lucy like, “Guess where we been bitches? Narnia! Back me up, bro. Tell em!”
But Edmund like “Psh I don’t know what this girl talkin ‘bout.”
If you ain't figured it out yet, Edmund's a dick.
So Peter and Lucy hit up the doc and ask him who to believe.
Professor Kirke gets real wit em and say:
One: Who you REALLY gonna believe? Lucy? Or Edmund?
And two: Maybe erryone should just mind they own damn business.
Nice.
Eventually, all four of dem kids go through the wardrobe and head to Tumnus’s pad,
but turns out, dat horny brutha got GOT by the law for bein tight with humans.
Lata, they hit up the house of Mr. Beaver who lay down some COLD prophecy:
da only way to defeat the White Witch and her bitch-ass magic is fo four humans to take the throne.
And accordin to Mr. Beav, she ain’t even da legit ruler of da land.
Da real dude in charge is Aslan the Lion.
And ain’t nobody seen this playa fo years, but word is he back in town.
Jonezin to live the baller’s dream, Edmund sneaks out to the White Witch’s place to get some mo sweets, but she like,
“Boy didn’t I tell yo dumbass to bring da kids with you?"
She just bout sh*ts herself when she learns dat Aslan back.
AW YEAH, ASLAN!
He back!
Back at the Beaver digs, Lucy start lookin round and realize dat Edmond peaced out all shady-like.
Big Beav say Edmund musta sold they asses out to the white witch and like,
“She probably know where we are so best book it out of here before she come up in here and f**k my shit up.
Let’s go find Aslan.”
While they on da road, they see dat the snow’s startin to melt, cuz the White Witch’s power over the land be slippin.
All the sudden, they run in to muthaf**kin Santa Claus.
Ol’ Papa Christmas slangin presents like he do: Lucy get a dagger and some magic
Lucy get a dagger and some magic drank that can heal da injured, Susan get a bow and a special horn,
and Peter get a pretty tight sword n’ shield.
When they lil crew reach the Stone Table where Aslan done set up shop,
errybody meet da big Lion himself and agree he a pretty trill dude.
But when the queen’s top dawg, a wolf named Maugrim,
drop in tryna merc Susan, Peter like “HEEEELLL NO” and ghosts that pooch with his blade.
A crew of Aslan’s thugs follow anotha wolf back to the queen
and save Edmond right before da witch was bout to ice dat boy.
Edmund gets back to Aslan’s spot but then da Queen herself roll up and say, “Yo. Aslan.
Don’t yo stupid ass know that according to some old-ass law called "Deep Magic"
dat I got the RIGHT to kill Edmund since he a lil snitch. And snitches get stitches. Erry traitor’s ass belongs to me,
and if I don’t get it, all of Narnia gonna get wrecked by fire and water.”
Aslan like, “Girl. Can I holla at you for a second?”
After they done conversatin, da Queen decides to just chill and let Edmund live.
Dat night tho, Aslan creep outta da camp, but Lucy and Susan hot on his trail.
Turns out, Aslan gonna trade his own life fo’ Edmond’s.
Way to f**k sh*t up Edmond!
Whitey and her crew treat Aslan like sh*t, call him a pussy (seriously - check out p.153), and finally shank his lion ass
Woo. He dead.
But don’t trip, cuz after some tears, a few rope-eatin mice, and a stone table breakin,
we find out dat Aslan comes back to life.
Apparently Aslan f**kin with an even DEEPER magic from way, way back before there was even time.
So Lucy and Susan ride Aslan back to the Queen’s castle when Aslan starts healin people who been turned in to statues.
Aslan gets all these peeps to meet up with Edmund and Peter,
who tryna wreck shop on the White Witch with an army of they own.
Afta the dust settle, the Pevensie kids sit they asses on dem thrones and become da kings and queens of Narnia.
Swag.
Aslan bout to leave when the kids like “Aslan. Don’t leave.”
And Aslan like, “Bitch, I’m fuckin Aslan I’ll do what I damn well please.”
Years later, they all find the lamppost, and ZOOP!
They back in da real world as kids.
They like “Yo professor. You ain’t gonna believe da sh*t we just seen!”
Brutha like “Word. I bet you gonna be back there soon enough.”
With all this talking animals and magic jive, it sound like ol’ C.S. mighta been hotboxin his wardrobe.
But according to Lewis, da whole idea started with an image in his mind of a Faun
packin an UM-brella and parcels cruisin through some snowy woods.
And on the real, C.S. Lewis actually pulled a Professor Kirke
livin’ in the country during the war and givin’ evacuees a place to crash.
Apparently, one of the kids stayin with him was always askin Lewis bout his wardrobe, so...
But dis book ain’t just bout saving children, but saving them - straight Jesus style.
Cuz you know C.S. Lewis like to keep it church.
All da backward-ass sh*t dat Edmund do in da book reppin da ways dat humanity can be tempted into a life of sin;
and dat even though the man upstairs gonna forgive you, you might have to beast through some gnarly sh*t to get there.
The cross ain’t light, naw what I mean?
Jus’ look at Edmund: after the white witch promise him a life of sittin high baller on da throne
grubbin on dank sweets all day erry day, brutha ready to backstab his own fam like it don't even matter.
Thing is, Edmund don’t even get close to livin dat high life.
What C.S. preachin here is dat a life of sin may seem like it gonna give you da life of yo dreams, but truth is, it never do.
There’s only one hustla dat can give you legit joy in life - Aslan, da nappy Jesus lion.
Jus peep these similarities between dat puss and the big J.C., son:
Aslan sacrifices himself to save someone else, he gets hated on right befo his death:
Plus,he gets resurrected, and wit dat resurrection, lays down a new code -
a divine code that makes magic look like it ain't sh*t.
Lion Jesus even use his breath to turn the White Witch’s statues back in to living creatures,
which is an analogy dat Lewis actually use in his book "Mere Christianity."
And if all dis holy rollin ain’t obvious enough, Lewis say in “Voyage of the Dawn Treader” that
Aslan got a different name in our world - someone who arrived in our world the same time as Santa Claus,
was the son of an Emperor, was merced for someone else’s fault, came back to life,
and is sometimes referred to as a lamb.
Hm. I wonder who he talkin 'bout.
But look, jus cuz we got a bunch of similarities like these don’t mean we dealin with a straight-up allegory.
There are some pretty important differences.
For one, Jesus died for EVERYONE in da hood, where as Aslan died just for Edmund.
As Lewis say, the Chronicles are “supposal.”
What he meant by that is this: suppose that the Christian God had created a whole different world dat needed rescuin?
How might he go bout savin dat world like he saved ours?
Truth is, what really matters is the message: There’s a right path to go down, but fo some reason, we don’t always take it.
Homies gonna trip, and we gonna need the love and sacrifice of somebody else so we can get back to rollin righteous.
Thanks for tunin in my well-read ballas! Now, listen up!
You may be surprised to hear that "The Chronicles of Narnia" was banned from schools for depicting mysticism.
If you wanna hear more about other literary works that caused some major heat, head over to Alltime10s
for the top ten banned books in schools.
Click right here to go check them out, and be sure to subscribe when you're over there.
Peace, y'all!