THANKS FOR HAVING ME OVER.
- OF COURSE. - HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
- MAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN DRUNKER.
- YOU WHAT?
- NEVER BEEN DRUNKER.
- ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU READY TO TELL HISTORY?
- YEAH, I CAN DO IT. YEAH.
HI.
THIS STORY WILL BE ABOUT WILHELM...
[mumbles]
- [laughs]
- I'M GONNA TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT GENERAL VON STEUBEN.
IT'S THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION.
WASHINGTON TROOPS ARE FREEZING TO DEATH.
THEY SAID, WASHINGTON, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
EVERYBODY AROUND US IS DYING.
THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT.
THEY ARE FREEZING COLD.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WASHINGTON SAYS, I'M GONNA TALK TO MY BUDDY BEN FRANKLIN.
'CAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW,
BUT FRANKLIN WAS JUST PARTYING IN PARIS.
IT'S VERY WEIRD.
FRANKLIN LEARNS OF THIS PRUSSIAN WAR GENERAL--
VON STEUBEN.
HE WAS TRAINED BY THE KING OF PRUSSIA.
BEN FRANKLIN SAYS, HEY, VON STEUBEN,
WHY DON'T YOU COME TO CALIFORNIA?
NAH. NO.
BEN FRANKLIN SAYS, WHY DON'T YOU COME TO AMERICA
AND FIGHT FOR US?
AND VON STEUBEN'S LIKE, LOOK, I ALREADY GOT KICKED OUT
OF PRUSSIA FOR BEING GAY.
I'M OKAY HERE IN PARIS.
IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY IN PARIS.
AND PARIS IS LIKE, NOT OKAY TO BE GAY IN PARIS.
WE'RE ABOUT TO KICK YOU OUT.
AND VON STEUBEN SAYS, CHECK, PLEASE.
- [laughs]
SO VON STEUBEN SHOWS UP WITH COOKS
AND BUTLERS.
HE'S DRESSED TO THE NINES.
HE'S WEARING FURS.
HE'S GOT A DOG, AND HE SAYS,
HEY, I'M VON STEUBEN.
HE LOOKS AT ALL OF GENERAL WASHINGTON'S SOLDIERS,
AND HE SAYS, LOOK AT THIS GROUP OF DOGS.
THEY'RE DYING.
THEY'RE STARVING.
THEY HAVE NO AMMUNITION, NO LOVE.
THE SOLDIERS ARE LIKE, I DON'T LIKE THIS GUY.
GEORGE WASHINGTON SAYS, NO, NO.
GIVE HIM A CHANCE. GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
AND VON STEUBEN'S LIKE,
I AM GONNA WHIP YOU GUYS INTO SHAPE.
NEW COACH IS IN TOWN.
VON STEUBEN STARTS TRAINING THE SOLDIERS,
RUNNING THEM THROUGH THE RANKS.
HE'S STRETCHING THEM THROUGH THE STRETCHERS.
HE'S YELLING AT THEM IN PRUSSIAN.
AND THEY GO, WHAT'S HE SAYING?
WASHINGTON IS LIKE, OH, BOY.
THE GUY DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH,
SO HE SAYS, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
BLAH, BLAH.
AND THEY HEAR, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
BUT GUESS WHAT.
A YOUNG CAPTAIN SHOWS UP-- BEN WALKER.
HE SAYS, I CAN UNDERSTAND ALL THE BLAH-BLAH-BLAHS.
I SPEAK PRUSSIAN, AND I CAN HELP THE AMERICANS
UNDERSTAND HIM.
VON STEUBEN TURNS OVER HIS SHOULDER AND SEES...
THE MOST HANDSOME AMERICAN HE'S SEEN SO FAR.
STEUBEN'S INTO BLONDES AND THIS GUY IS PLATINUM BLONDE.
BEAUTIFUL CHEEKBONES, PUFFY LIPS.
BENJAMIN WALKER SAYS, I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE,
AND, UH, THEY BECOME BUDS.
BUDS. - [laughs]
THEY HAVE THIS--THIS--
THIS TRAINING MONTAGE.
[Survivor's Eye of the Tiger]
SO BENJAMIN WALKER ENDS UP BEING EXACTLY WHAT THEY NEEDED.
HE HELPS THEM WITH THE TROOPS.
VON STEUBEN STARTS TEACHING THEM THINGS.
HE'S LIKE, THESE ARE KNIVES.
YOU CAN USE THEM TO STAB PEOPLE.
AND THEY'RE LIKE, OH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
HE TEACHES THEM HOW TO CLEAN THEIR TEETH.
TEACHES THEM HOW TO CLEAN THEIR BODIES
SO THEY DON'T GET DISEASE.
PEOPLE WERE LIKE, WE'RE JUST TRYING TO WIN A WAR, MAN.
AND HE WAS LIKE, THIS IS HOW YOU WIN A WAR.
- ♪ IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER ♪
- THEY START TRAINING HARDER, AND THEN HE SAYS,
BEN WALKER, YELL AT THEM IN ENGLISH,
AND THAT GUY SAYS, MORE SQUATS.
MORE SQUATS, COME ON!
HE LITERALLY CHURN-- HE CHURNED--
HE CHURNED THE ARMY INTO BUTTER.
- DO YOU KNOW ANY DRINKING GAMES?
- OH, YEAH.
- I WAS JUST THINKING, IS THERE ANY WAY
WE COULD TAKE THIS SHOT?
OH, WHAT'S THAT?
- YOU GOT TO DRINK.
- WAIT.
- SO...
IT'S THE BATTLE OF SPRINGTIME.
NO, IT'S BATTLE HILL.
NO, IT'S THE BATTLE OF BARREN HILL.
THESE TERRIFIED KIDS ARE JUST CRUSHING IT.
HIS TROOPS START BEATING BATTLE AFTER BATTLE,
USING THE TACTICS OF VON STEUBEN.
THEY USE THEIR BAYONETS.
THEY HAD ALL CLEAN TEETH, AND THEY WON THE WAR.
WASHINGTON SAID, VON STEUBEN,
YOU CAN LIVE WITH WASHINGTON--
I'M SORRY.
- BEN WALKER.
- WASHINGTON SAID, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A HOUSE
TO LIVE IN, AND I WANT YOU TO LIVE WITH THAT GUY,
BEN WA--BEN WA--THAT GUY.
I WILL GRANT YOU THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LOVE EVER.
SO THE ARMY USED VON STEUBEN'S TACTICS FOR 100 YEARS.
THEY CALLED IT THE BLUE--THE BLUE BOOK.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE SAFE.
SO VON STEUBEN SAVED THE WORLD.
- THIS STORY'S LIKE THAT MOVIE RENAISSANCE MAN.
REMEMBER WHEN DANNY DEVITO CAME AS THE POETRY TEACHER?
- NO. NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.
IT'S MORE LIKE THE, UH--
THE GUYS FROM THE WORLD CUP.
- OKAY.
- ISN'T THAT-- - MM-HMM.
- ISN'T THAT-- - MIGHTY DUCKS.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.
IT'S MORE LIKE THE WORLD MIGHTY CUPS.
- THE MIGHTY CUPS. - MIGHTY CUPS. 00:05:36.303,00:00:00.000 - YEAH.