Considered one of the more extroverted of the MBTI introverts, the INFJ chooses to
use their social skills only when needed most. However, with a short
social-battery life and a disinterest in small talk, this independent personality type struggles
with communication skills more than people would think. So.. what specifically does the
INFJ struggle with and what can they do about it? Welcome or welcome back Psych-o! Before we start,
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Number 1: First gauge your audience
Being the social chameleons they are, INFJs must know who it is they’re communicating
with before they feel confident to dive right into a conversation. In reality,
most INFJs do this naturally and subconsciously without even thinking twice,
thanks to their extroverted feeling function. However, it’s a little different to go into a
social setting knowing what to look for than relying on these functions to run rampant.
Because realistically, sometimes they don’t have the time to fully observe someone’s character
without first starting a conversation. And in these times, INFJs try to both talk
and observe subconsciously, all at once rather than combining the two to avoid distractions.
So, how does the INFJ approach this type of scenario? Well, instead of skipping over small
talk, INFJs can find specific genres of small talk that allow them the information they need.
Without getting too deep, INFJs can use their same interest in figuring people out to ask
surface-level questions. This isn’t necessarily to find out the answers to those questions
but instead to gauge how deep or broad the other person is willing to go. Plus,
it earns the INFJs some time to use their other processes of evaluation to work behind the scenes.
Knowing the characteristics of other personality types really helps with this first step, as once
an INFJ has a rough guess of certain functions, they can easily meet them on their level.
Number 2: Understand how and why your brain is different from others
Secondly, it already helps an INFJ’s social communication to simply know they’re an INFJ,
and why they have certain social behaviors. In fact, for an INFJ to discover they’re an INFJ,
it can make wondrous differences in many areas of their lives, with self-acceptance
being at the top of the list. Once an INFJ understands themselves on a deeper level,
their self confidence becomes a little less murky because they can stop questioning why they’re so
different from other people. However, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s difficult for the INFJ
to explain some of the philosophical connections they make and how they come to their conclusions.
In fact, they are constantly observing and analyzing things and making connections that
most other people aren’t able to make, nevermind begin to understand. Because of this, INFJs are
given their so-called ‘psychic’ stereotype. Yet, not everyone will understand this, or believe it,
even after they have seen it in action, and that alone can make for some seriously confusing
conversations for both parties. So, before diving head-first into the realm of more philosophically
advanced conversations, INFJs should consider dipping their toes in the water by starting at
the surface, to avoid any misunderstandings. Afterall, people will only understand what
they’re willing and open to understanding, and it’s no one's job to convince them otherwise.
Number 3: Understand specific strengths and weaknesses
As much as INFJs have in common with their fellow INFJs, it’s far from the truth to think that each
INFJ doesn’t struggle with their own unique social challenges. This is where communication skills
go beyond understanding how the INFJ brain works and the social tendencies it comes with. Because
In reality, some INFJs struggle with socializing a lot more than others,
and some may have an underlying reason as to why that’s the case. Things like social anxiety,
sensory issues, and past social traumas can go far beyond the INFJ’s natural functions,
leaving the INFJ lost and confused as to why they can’t relate to their fellow INFJs.
To begin this stage, it’s always best to do a self-evaluation.
Ask yourself things like “What is it about socializing that makes it challenging?” “Is
it every social setting/person or just specific people that make socializing difficult?” “ Do
I make eye contact?” “Do I struggle with witty remarks and fast replies?” “Do I freeze when I
don’t have an answer?” “Am I mono-tone and expressionless?”.. With this information,
INFJs of all sorts can begin deciphering which social habits need to be improved and which
they can rely on. It also helps them see which traits are wired and which are environmental,
ultimately allowing them to trace certain habits back to find reasoning.
Number 4: Acknowledge how you’re feeling before being influenced by others emotions
INFJs can either feel extremely comfortable around someone or completely alienated and out of place,
especially when it comes to new social settings. And the unfortunate part is that it has little to
do with people’s characters and more to do with the energy and emotions they’re feeling that day.
Because INFJs naturally adapt and adjust their inner emotions to match the frequency of those
around them, socializing can send them some serious curve balls that nobody else would be
able to see from the outside. In fact, because of this, sometimes the INFJ’s
communication can get seriously jumbled because they’re so distracted by being
unable to decipher their thoughts and feelings or even who those thoughts and feelings belong to.
They can wind up feeling dull and upset after socializing with someone who is down on their luck
with no way to find within themselves where those feelings are coming from. Or, they may feel
instantly uplifted and inspired after speaking with someone who’s in a good spot in life without
realizing where this new found burst of energy came from. Luckily, with a little practice and
continuous reminders, INFJs can recognize where their feelings end and where another’s begin.
Number 5: Cut yourself some slack
Lastly, my dear INFJs, is to not be so darn hard on yourselves! Nobody said it was easy to navigate
through life as an individualistic introvert with a deep longing for human connection.
And it’s especially not easy to throw yourself into different social settings
when there's a distracting inner voice criticizing the words you choose to use in conversation.
This inner critique not only makes it difficult in the moment, but most INFJs will relate to the
habit of overthinking certain replies and gestures that they made in previous concentrations..
sometimes to the point of driving themselves mad. INFJs are hard on themselves by nature due to
their perfectionistic and empathetic tendencies, so it’s easy for them to get caught in the trap of
overthinking how they and their actions are perceived by others. The fact of the matter is
that most INFJs are actually great communicators, or atleast much better off than they think.
So, instead of focusing on the things that may have been wrongly perceived,
INFJs must make sure to give themselves some grace to recognize the good things that they’ve said
and did. It’s important for them to take a moment to relish in the kind
words of wisdom and advice they convey when someone comes to them for guidance.
Once they begin to cautiously recognize the positives, it makes it all that much easier
to communicate in future scenarios, and not to not sweat the small stuff.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today. So, would you say you have poor, average, or top-tier
communication skills as an INFJ? Let us know in the comments below! Also, make sure to leave us a
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