Oh, yeah!
That's subtle.
Once we were all assembled, we broke out the map.
We had to get from San Francisco across California and Nevada
to the Bonneville salt flats in Utah,
where in three days' time, we'd been entered for the Speed Week drag races.
Now, look, you two, no irony, no hyperbole, no sarcasm,
and don't put a cow on your roof.
Can I crash into James every time we stop?
-No. -Just a tiny…
-No! -All right.
If Hammond drives into May's car,
Bruce Willis will come in a state department gunship,
and we will all be killed!
We burbled out of San Francisco, which is,
the 14th most populous city in America, towards the Golden Gate.
Opened in 1937, this $27 million colossus
is much like the Humber Bridge in Britain.
Only smaller.
I want to make it plain. That was a fact.
And here's another one, after just half an hour,
James had decided he didn't like his Cadillac very much.
What exactly were they thinking of?
This ambassador for the relaxed American way of travelling around in style
has a 6.2 liter supercharged V8, developing 556 horsepower.
It's just not necessary.
The moaning went on.
What was wrong with being a Cadillac?
It's supposed to be soft and floaty, you're supposed…
MANY MANY MILES LATER
..and sending a car around the Nurburgring spoils it.
It's as simple as that.
I see exactly why the muscle car never caught on…
Unlike James, I absolutely understand the appeal of muscle cars.
Factually, they're like killer whales.
Very striking to look at, very fast.
But you wouldn't want to own one.
This Corvette ZR1 is a classic case in point.
I've the same basic engine that James has in his Cadillac,
but while he has to make do with only 550 horsepower,
I have 640.
That is intoxicating.
I'm not being entertaining, I'm just saying, that is…
really incredible.
It may cost $100,000, which is a lot for a Corvette,
but it is Enzo fast.
0 to 60 takes three seconds. The top speed is 205.
It is ballistic, but you can't have a Corvette in Britain.
It's too brash, too ghastly.
It'd be like turning up at one of the Queen's garden parties
in chromed cowboy boots and chaps.
Of course, Hammond failed to understand any of this
because deep-down, he is a secret American.
I love muscle cars.
I love the fact that they're about standing quarter miles
about racing away from the lights when the police aren't looking.
They're about cowboy boots, work boots, denim jeans, dime stores, bars.
I love that.
I'm feeling cooler already. I'm chewing gum and everything.
James, meanwhile, wasn't even enjoying the excellent music
on the local radio station.
I wasn't expecting to hear that.
On tonight's program…
High in the Sierra Nevada mountains, we pulled over next to Lake Tahoe,
the eighth deepest lake in the world.
But because we could only look at its shimmering beauty
in a factual way, we didn't bother.
And concentrated instead on teasing Hammond
about some of the facts on his Challenger.
-Is this real carbon fiber? -No, it is not.
-Are these real ram air scoops? -No.
Sorry, Richard…
It's not supposed to be a Rolls-Royce.
It's simple, it's fast,
it's a worker's car, it's for blue-collar workers…
Were you born in the USA? What has happened to you?
Let me put it this way. This is like a bodybuilder, right?
Hugely impressive, but when you take its trunks down,
it's "Hello, Mr. Squirrel".
TO KEEP THE US STATE DEPARTMENT HAPPY THIS IS CENSORED.
What do you mean, you put it in a melon?
Sorry, sorry. Don't send helicopters.
Why have you got secondary double-glazing on your bonnet?
What's the point of that?
Lamborghini and Ferrari put a glass-engine cover on these days,
-so you can see the craftsmanship. -Yes.
This?
So you can see some writing and some showing off.
I quite like that.
-You… -I do! I like it.
The Ferrari's made by craftsmen in Maranello.
This is made by two fat blokes in Kentucky.
Called Bud and Bob.
This plastic comes from the same plastic they use to make newsreaders over here.
That's the same color as well.
Is there nothing about your car that you like?
Factually? No.
Because… No, last time we were here, you bought a Cadillac,
-and you loved that. -Yeah, but I was being entertaining.
Fearful that James may have made a joke, we decided to leave.
-Quickly, Bruce Willis will be here. -I can hear helicopters.
After an hour or so, there was a worrying announcement from Jeremy.
I'm starting to like this Corvette.
It's ridiculous.
It isn't the power. It's the surprise of the power.
When you're driving a Ferrari Enzo, you expect it to go like Stig.
But this, though, is quiet, it's comfortable, it's spacious.
It's beautifully air-conditioned.
So you're simply not ready for the savagery when you put your foot down.
And I've got a display with my lateral G and my supercharger pressure.
And I've got the best stereo in the world!
Facts, Jeremy, facts.
As night began to fall and with James still complaining about his car…
To make a BMW M5…
…we arrived in Reno.
Which is like Las Vegas, only smaller.
And worse.
It's a town with some light bulbs on it.
Weirdly, James made straight for a casino.
Can't wait, sorry.
While out on the street, I was trying to keep the Duke of Hammond under control.
Don't race between the lights.
-No! -Yeah, that's what we mustn't do.
In Nevada's casinos, you can usually win a car of some sort.
Sadly, the prize in this casino was this.
Still, it was better than that stupid Cadillac.
Evening.
Meanwhile, we were still thinking of things
we weren't supposed to do, to do.
-Ready? You ready? Here, okay? -Go.
Two revving V8s, and the alarms went berserk.
Run away! Run away!
Go, go, go! Don't screech your wheels.
Oh, that helped, Jeremy, that helped.
You won't change it unless you change that.
Yeah, it won't change unless you change that.
Now you're hit again.
Where are you guys from, Australia?
James wasn't really enjoying his company.
But then, neither was Jeremy.
-I didn't know you were the police. -Police. Real police.
-Well… -Police.
You were squealing the tires and revving the engine.
Oh, no, sorry, my foot slipped off the clutch.
-No. I don't buy that for a second, okay? -Okay, sorry.
Oh, dear.
After a ticking off from the police, we went to find James.
-That's desperate. That is desperate. -That is desperate.
You'd rather have that than your Cadillac?
-Yep. -That thing is good.
What is that? It's hideous.
We decided to turn in and leave James with his new best friends.
-Are you John Lennon or…? -Might be.
Well, you're from the best band that I ever heard.
Thank you.