- Sookie, I'm so over Sookie
and her precious fairy vagina
and her unbelievably stupid name.
(beep) Sookie!
(Pam screams)
I'm wearing a Walmart sweatsuit for y'all.
If that's a demonstration of team spirit,
I don't know what it is.
- I thought you were mad.
You you don't know me that well.
My mad face and my happy face are the same.
- What are you looking at?
Go back to dry humping each other
and buying my over priced drinks,
or get the (beep) out!
There are two things I try to stay away from,
humans who eat a lot of fish and politics.
So, whatever comes next,
we keep our heads down our tits up
and the true blood flowing.
Is there a problem?
- No hooker, look,
I can't sell all this (beep) by tomorrow.
I got a cousin in Crow-
- I don't know what it is about me that makes people
think I want to hear their problems.
Maybe I smile too much.
Maybe I wear too much pink.
But please remember, I can rip your throat out
if I need to and also know, that I'm not a hooker.
That was a long, long time ago.
I'll give you 24 hours to deliver that witch to me,
and if you don't,
I will personally eat, (beep) and kill all three of you.
- I may be like a week old, but I'm not an idiot.
You're worried about Eric.
If you need someone to talk to-
- Just because we drank a (beep) together
does not make us Oprah and Gayle.
Get the (beep) back to work.
Cry on my jacket, you're paying for it sweetheart.
- Is Bill in some kind of trouble?
- That's for the boys to figure out.
Right now,
what you need to do is change out of your clothes.
There's vampire in your cleavage.
- Oh, okay. Ew.
- Allow me.
(intense music)
- Thank you.
- I'm beginning to understand the fuss
everyone's making over you.
Well, no need for apologies, right?
I'm certainly not waiting for one.
Barely remember what we got our head up over.
Let bygones be bygones, bi girls be bi girls.
Oh, hi.
- We must abort.
- I agree.
- Holy (beep) gentlemen, do not tell me,
you put our entire species at risk for a gash in a sundress.
- Still can't believe Eric and Bill
weren't even going to warn Sookie
Russell Edgington was coming after her.
- Must all roads lead to (beep) Sookie.
- When you're feeding on someone,
how do you not kill them?
- It's in the heartbeat.
You feel it in the blood.
- Yeah?
- And when it slows, you stop.
- Yeah, but how do you stop?
- I think about crying children with soggy diapers.
Also maggots.
- You two lovebirds go on home, okay?
Let these good people practice
their constitutional right to be (beep) idiots.
- I told the sales woman my wife and I
were going to an exclusive high society event,
and that only the very best would do.
(intense music)
Voila.
(intense rock music)
- Oh my God.
I'm a Republi-(beep).
We need to talk about your attitude.
- I've got to make this dude to margarita first.
- You don't want a margarita.
You want a flat, half empty beer.
We need to leave tonight.
- I like France.
We're not leaving.
- Jesus Christ.
Bring her with if you have to, but let's go.
- Sylvie wants to finish university.
I am as big a fan of the French vagina as you are Eric,
but come back to Earth.
She's just a human.
(intense music)
- Oh good, world needs more beekeepers.
- We have a goddamn problem.
- You went to see the witch and you were told not to.
- Yes. And I'm sorry, but I'm through making nice, Bill.
I can put up with a lot
but you (beep) with my face it's time to die.
- I've survived twenty seven times.
Twenty seven.
(gun clicks)
(crowd cheering)
Twenty eight.
Allah loves me.
Does your God love you?
- Nope. My God (beep) hates me.
(gun clicks)
(crowd cheering)
- The world is ending.
You need to make peace with your God.
- Everyone I love, leaves.
Everything I touch, dies.
So, forgive me if I don't share your faith in my lord.
- He can save you.
- Yeah, tell you what,
your God and my God could go to a motel
and have a circle jerk, for all I care.
I'll be in hell having a three-way with the devil.
(intense music)