TAI BEAUCHAMP: The Woman to Woman Discussions
are a safe space for my friends and I to discuss how we've
owned our own health, taking full agency
of our bodies, our minds, our souls, and our spirits.
I'm sitting down with our favorite songstress,
Grammy winning singer-songwriter,
mother, and wellness advocate, my girl, Melanie Fiona.
Welcome, Mel.
- Hi. - It's like, hi.
MELANIE FIONA: Hi.
So good to be here.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: Thank you so much for being here.
- Thank you. - Let's just jump right into it.
I mean, there's so much to talk about.
You are now a mother of two.
Kaia, how old is she?
She's three months.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: Oh, my gosh.
That is insane. MELANIE FIONA: New.
New.
You're like-- you're, like, I'm just happy to be
here in the building.
I got a day out.
I'm here to talk about me.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: Does it feel like that?
Yeah.
It's really interesting.
And I share this on my platform where, we so often check
on moms, based off of the baby.
How's the baby doing?
And we often forget to ask moms, how are you doing.
And so that's something that's really
been resonating with me these days because everything
has been about the baby.
We've been in the house for the last couple of years.
And having conversations, being able to be vulnerable,
being able to share and just say,
I'm not doing so great today, or I'm feeling fantastic today,
you know?
So today, I feel fantastic.
I'm here with you.
And we're here for a wonderful reason and a discussion.
So I'm feeling great today.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: You know, something
you said about the importance of really checking in and asking
us how we're doing, not in relation to our job,
not in relation to the family, not in relation
to all the things, but literally checking in
and saying, how are you doing.
Yeah, I mean, it's one of the most undervalued questions,
I think, or underestimated questions.
And I think actually what's so interesting is,
it starts with ourselves.
MELANIE FIONA: Absolutely.
Because as Black women and women, like,
we're constantly moving.
And we don't ever stop to pause to say,
actually, I'm not so good, or what's going on with me.
And so--
Because we're so focused on being and looking strong.
--the birth of your son, Cam, who is just the cutest thing
was a pretty difficult birth.
And your second childbirth you had during the pandemic, right?
And that also came with some complications.
You didn't get the birthing experience that you wanted.
But how did that affect you?
Like, how did that affect your mental, your physical?
The first time around, I had to have an emergency
C-section with Cameron.
And no one-- I felt no one prepared me for that.
And I'd heard that these things happen.
I know of the rate of statistics of women that are pushed
to have-- especially women of color-- that are
pushed to have cesarean births.
And I didn't think that was going to be my story.
I'm very spiritual, and very holistic, very healthy.
Childbirth, to me, seemed like a very natural
occurrence up until that point.
So when I had to have the emergency C-section, after I
felt like I did everything right during my pregnancy,
it came with so much disappointment.
I felt like my body had failed me.
I felt depressed.
From that, came a lot of empowerment,
as far as, why is no one talking about this.
Why are women-- - That part.
MELANIE FIONA: --yeah, why are women suffering in silence
and are afraid to say, hey, I am disappointed?
It doesn't mean I'm not grateful.
But I'm disappointed.
I really wanted a different outcome.
And a C-section is major abdominal surgery.
So it's not the, you get up and you get moving in two days.
You've got six weeks, guaranteed,
to wait for somebody to say you can walk up the stairs,
carry your child in a certain way, bend a certain way,
have sex again, like, all these things.
And it's really-- it's a big challenge mentally.
So again, it was heartbreaking.
And then, you get there and realize that life, as we say,
life just be lifing. - Be Lifing.
MELANIE FIONA: Life be lifing.
And just do what it's going to do, you know?
And that was something that was completely out of my control.
But what I appreciated, in this process
different from the first time, was that I understood
the concept of surrender.
Because choose surrender is to understand that--
it's like being in the ocean, right?
If you fight the current, you're fighting.
You're exhausted.
If you go with the flow, you will
understand that things are ever evolving,
ever changing, as we are.
One of my favorite mantras that I've found and have lived by
is, "your direction is more important than your speed."
Whatever small steps you can take to get there, take them.
But you don't need to rush. And you don't need to run.
And you don't need to kill yourself while you're doing it.
You know, talking about the pregnancy
and, obviously, you took some challenging
experiences in your own life.
And you turned them positive.
And you started Melly Belly--
Yes.
--to help Black and Brown women and women everywhere
to just really understand some of what happens during
pregnancy, and maternal health, and wellness,
and what that looks like, which is a new conversation for us.
Tell us about the inspiration for Melly Bellies,
and why you decided to start the platform.
So it was an initiative that I wanted to start,
actually, after Cameron.
Because after I had Cam, I put out
this video called "It's Time To Tell The Truth,"
where I shared a very vulnerable story of my labor experience.
And I cried.
And I was just, like, there's no time
to be shy here because women need
to know that this is happening.
And we need to talk about it.
Let's be truthful with one another.
When I started sharing those videos online,
and I started sharing more truth,
Melly Belly became the inspiration to start.
And then life be lifing.
And work is happening.
And you get busy, and you forget about sometimes your passions.
You get through that place.
So when I got pregnant again, I felt
like it was my calling again.
It's like, you are being called back
into this role in this space.
You have a purpose to share, and to continue to share,
and create community and platform for women
to feel seen and heard in this space.
And so some of the content is really funny.
Some of it is, you know, related to the physical, the emotional,
the spiritual, just all aspects of it.
Because I think that it's all encompassing when
you're on the journey through labor, delivery,
motherhood in general.
What's, like, one of the biggest questions
you get about motherhood, or points
that you get on the platform?
The question that always comes up is balance.
Like, how do you balance?
How do you balance being a working mom?
How do you balance being a wife? How do you balance being?
I'm like, first of all--
I was going to say, what's your answer.
MELANIE FIONA: My answer is, balance is not real I believe.
And when we think of balance, we think balance is 50/50, right?
Things have to be equal.
I don't think that that's true.
I think that balance is the tipping of the scales.
And certain days, you're going to give 80% in one area and 20%
in the other.
And then on other days, it's 70/30.
It changes.
And I think that that's the grace
we have to give ourselves.
This balancing act for me, personally,
50/50, in that regard, sounds like you're
half-assed in both areas. - Something, yeah.
MELANIE FIONA: In something, right?
And so I really believe that you have
to give yourself grace to say, I can't do it all, all the time.
Part of the thing that's really important for prioritizing
my wellness is asking for help.
I think that we are so adverse, sometimes,
to ask for help because one, we don't
want to impose on other people.
Or two, we don't want to seem like we
don't have it all together. TAI BEAUCHAMP: All together.
I mean, yeah.
I feel like-- like I said, I don't have children yet.
But I feel like so many women and mothers
talk about mom guilt, like, I didn't make it to the game.
I didn't do this.
And I didn't do this.
And like, the struggle of that is real.
How do you address mom guilt?
Well, first of all, I try not to project it onto my children,
right?
Oh, I'm so sorry I have to travel.
Because now, they receive this as this bad thing.
No, it's mommy's got to go.
I'll be back. I'll miss you.
You're taken care of.
You're safe.
I'll call you.
You know, more from an empowerment standpoint.
We have to normalize to ourselves, our partners,
and our children that it's OK for mom
to do things for herself.
It's OK for me to say, I can't do that right now.
I will get to it when I can because we want to please.
And we want it taken care of.
And that's the role of women.
That's the role of moms.
We hold it together for everyone all the time.
But it's really important to say, no.
And I think that that's really empowering
to know that, if we use our language, and say,
Cam, mom has to travel.
Yes, with a smile.
I mean, that's like everything.
It's like yes, mommy, travel. - Yes, exactly.
Now he's, like, go, go, go.
I even think about the times when
I first had to hit the road after I had Cam,
and I had shows.
And I remember feeling, like, heartbroken inside.
Then as soon as I got to that hotel,
and I realized I could sleep in--
You were like, I'm good.
MELANIE FIONA: --I didn't have to worry
about anybody else but myself.
I was like, oh, this is amazing.
You know, and then you come home, and everybody's OK.
And you made it through.
And then you realize, I could do that more often.
And I could do it for any reason I want to if I
give myself permission to.
So tell me, what does owning your health
mean to you, Melanie?
Owning your health is, using your intuition and your mind.
It's about following your inner compass
of listening to what your body is telling you it needs.
I think, if we can tap into understanding that our body,
this is our home.
This is our true home.
And so I think when you can give yourself permission to empower
yourself to listen, and again, to ask questions and not
settle for the easy answer.
When something doesn't sit well with you, go somewhere else,
and ask again.
Because that second opinion thing is--
Girl, I mean, you know, that's exactly what it is.
It's like, you know, when you get one answer,
you've got to dig deeper. MELANIE FIONA: Yes.
And I think sometimes, because we don't have the time,
it's like, no, that'll wait.
Actually, no ma'am, it's not gonna wait.
Yeah, I mean, health is everything.
Whatever goals you have for your life-- professionally,
personally-- whatever trips you want to take, whatever things
you want to do in your-- when you get
to that place in your life, if your health has not
been prioritized, none of it matters.
My last question is, what is your wish for all Black women?
My wish for all Black women is healing.
And that is-- that's everything.
Because-- and I want to say this,
that, again, something that my doctor gave to me is healing
is painful, right?
Yes, it is.
MELANIE FIONA: Healing is painful.
Healed is a destination, but healing is a journey.
And so I want us to be able to go
through this healing journey, so that we can be healed.
We can be our most unapologetic, fabulous,
strongest, most incredible selves
that we are destined to be.
And unstoppable.
So I wish for all Black women to be healed, happy, thriving.
For more information on how you can own your health,
go to ownyourhealth.tv And follow me on my Instagram,
@taibeau.
And if you want to follow along with Melanie's journey,
follow her on Instagram, @melaniefiona.
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