Aside from the million or so people
at his funeral yesterday, everyone else agrees
that Soleimani was a bad guy,
responsible for death and destruction around the world.
He oversaw attacks on U.S. soldiers in Iraq,
he helped prop up Bashar al-Assad in Syria,
and he was the executive producer of Cats,
all horrible things.
(laughter)
But as bad as Soleimani was,
not everyone agrees that killing him
like this was a good idea.
The same way things only got worse
when America got rid of Saddam Hussein,
or when America got rid of Mu'ammar Gaddhafi,
or when America got rid of gluten.
Because I don't know what it actually is.
All I know is, once it was gone, everything tasted like shit.
So there are a lot of people.
There are a lot of people questioning Trump's decision,
and even some Republicans are lashing out.
MAN: Republican senator Rand Paul said,
"The killing of Soleimani is the death
of diplomacy with Iran."
You would have to be brain-dead to believe
that we tear up the agreement,
we put an embargo on you, and we kill your major general,
and they're just gonna crawl back to the table and say,
"What do you want, America?"
Excuse me, Senator?
How dare you suggest
that America's president is brain-dead!
-(laughter) -That is so insulting!
Mr. President, why don't you go ahead and educate this fool?
MAN: President Trump defended himself on Monday,
saying the United States is a lot safer now.
(laughter, groaning)
Okay, Rand Paul,
I, like your barber, owe you an apology.
(laughter)
Now, look, the truth is, it's not that surprising
that Trump's response is so muddled and confusing
because he's Trump.
What is interesting is how the entire administration seems
to be just as confused about every aspect of this situation.
For instance, starting with the rationale
for why they killed Soleimani in the first place.
The Trump administration is scrambling
to explain the two words that led to all of this--
"imminent threat."
Was the justification this imminent threat?
Chuck, it's-it's never one thing.
You-You've been at this a long time.
The American people are smart, too.
It's never one moment, it's never one instance.
It's a collective. It's a...
It's a full situational awareness of risk.
If you're looking for imminence, you needn't look no further
than the days that led up to the strike
that was taken against Soleimani.
When you say the attacks were imminent,
how imminent were they?
Are we talking about days? We talking about weeks?
If you're an American in the region, days and weeks--
this is not something that's relevant.
(laughter)
Okay, like, hold up, man.
You can't say the threat is imminent,
then when people ask "How imminent?,"
you're like, "Well, time is irrelevant."
(laughter)
No, because that's specifically what "imminent" means.
Like, he's acting like we're crazy for asking a question.
"An attack was imminent, okay?"
It's like, "Really, Pompeo? How imminent?"
"Geez, you guys are obsessed with numbers!
Get off my back, Rain Man!"
So America is on the cusp of war,
and already, the most basic question--
Why are we doing it?-- has been unclear at best.
But the fallout has been handled just as clumsily,
because remember, Iraq's government was so mad
about this drone strike happening on their soil
that they asked America to leave the country for good.
Well, yesterday,
the U.S. government made two stunning announcements
in the span of a couple of hours.
First, they were withdrawing its troops from Iraq,
and, second, forget that thing that we first just said.
MAN: Adding to the confusion Monday,
the Pentagon circulated a letter
announcing a withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq.
But the Pentagon later said
there is no decision to leave Iraq, and it was just a draft.
Yeah, that's right. The Pentagon released an announcement
saying they were pulling out the troops,
and then, they were like, "Backsies!"
I didn't take my hand off the piece.
That's not the move.
Like, how do you send out
a draft military announcement by mistake?
They people control nuclear weapons,
and they can't even handle Microsoft Outlook.
How do you do this, huh?
It's like, "All right, it's time to bomb Iran.
"Oh, shit! I sent them a referral code to Grubhub.
Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys."
So it's not clear why the administration chose
to kill Soleimani now, and it's not clear
if the troops are leaving Iraq or not.
One thing's for sure.
They also don't seem to know what they would bomb next.
The Trump administration struggles
to put out a cohesive message
about how the United States plans
to respond to Iran's latest threat.
MAN 2: The president is threatening to strike 52 sites
in Iran, including cultural ones,
which would violate international law.
Senior administration officials
either publicly contradicted Mr. Trump,
or said that he had not said what he said.
The American people should know that every target
that we strike will be a lawful target,
and it will be a target designed at the singular mission
of protecting and defending America.
WOMAN: President Trump vowing he's prepared
to strike back, though he's now backing down
from threats to target Iran's cultural sites.
We are, according to various laws,
uh, supposed to, uh,
be very careful with their cultural heritage.
And you know what, if that's what the law is, I will--
I like to obey the law.
(laughter)
What?
"I like to obey the law"?
No, you have to obey the law.
Trump makes the law sound like
it's an optional topping at Chipotle.
Bitch, it's the Geneva Convention, not pico de gallo.
-(laughter) -"I like to obey the law."
But, like, come on, how does this administration
never seem to be on the same page?
Trump says they'll bomb cultural sites.
His administration says they won't.
Trump says he will. They say he won't.
Now he says he won't.
It's almost like they have a group chat,
but Trump never gets the message because he's on Android.
-(laughter) -That's what it seems like.
So, you know, the truth is,
as much as we insult the Trump administration,
at least they're learning from America's previous mistakes.
Because in 2003, the Bush administration
had a plan to go into Iraq but no exit strategy.
So now the Trump administration is like,
"Ah, I see where we went wrong.
This time, no entrance strategy. Lesson learned."