Hello I m Darren Magee and today s questions are asking how and why narcissistic people
often behave as if they are superior to others? Why they act as if they are more intelligent,
more accomplished than they often are, and why do they find it so difficult to back down
whenever they re in error? So you like this video if you find it interesting or helpful,
please consider subscribing to my channel. But when we're talking about narcissism I m
not talking about someone who may be a little difficult or little selfish from time to time.
When it comes to narcissism, this is often characterised by a sense of entitlement,
being self absorbed. There is, there is a lack of empathy for others and being highly disagreeable.
They can be highly resistant to criticism and can be very envious of others and believe that others
should be envious of them. That envy, I think is why we often see a very competitive streak.
Anyone else who's accomplished, intelligent, or has achieved something that can bring something
of a blow to their ego, often referred to as a narcissistic wound. And these ego wounds can be
triggered by anyone, strangers, partners, work colleagues, sometimes even their own children.
So what we often see is a lot of one upmanship as they go to great lengths to try and outshine
others, and if they can't outshine others, thery ll try to devalue them. If you will,
the sort of person who might claim that Harrison Ford is just a failed carpenter. So let's look at
some of the common ways narcissistic people try to make themselves look, sound or appear superior to
others, and these behaviours would be pretty much all the time, not just once in a while.
So first of all, they exaggerate, lie about their intelligence and their skill set. If they are
having a conversation with someone who perhaps has a degree, they may try and devalue that degree,
that their degree is much more important or was much harder work. Or they might claim they have
perhaps four degrees. Or if they're talking to someone with perhaps a specific skill set,
they may claim that they are a fully qualified, and yes they often use terms like fully qualified,
they are a fully qualified forklift driver, electrician, brain surgeon. If they are asked
a question by someone who doesn't really know the topic, would have no real difficulty in just
making up an answer in order to impress. However, if they're talking with someone who does know the
topic does have a bit of knowledge in that area, they could be very quick to change the topic of
conversation. Now if they are challenged or corrected on a certain point, they can become
quite defensive, sometimes even aggressive. However, if they are corrected or challenged on
a point by say, an authority figure like perhaps a boss in work, they may claim it's because they
have been misinformed or perhaps lied to or set up to look like a fool. It s never got anything
to do with their lack of knowledge. Secondly, they use language to sound more intelligent.
Someone might mention the rain outside and they will say the same thing back, but refer
to precipitation. In fact, have you ever noticed that a lot of narcissistic word salad is often
full of words that they consider to be intelligent words? When they're explaining things they use
a lot of language, like perhaps specifically , literally , logically , or notwithstanding . Or
they may use a lot of technical jargon that few others wouldn t understand.
If someone can't understand what they're talking about, they can't really criticise it.
Sometimes they may even just hear words that they think sound intelligent, intellectual,
and have a grasp of what that word means but use it out of context and often in bizarre, ridiculous
situations. Now when others don't understand what that narcissistic person is talking about,
they may just claim it is because they're just too simple minded to grasp an easy concept.
Thirdly they will only really associate with intelligent people, rich people, famous people,
people of a certain status, behave as if they are in that same group. An example could be say in the
workplace. You have that colleague who only ever really mixes with people at a senior level. People
at their own level they can be maybe cold, distant or dismissive. They may even behave as if they are
a manager themselves, giving instructions, handing out tasks, asking for updates and sometimes even
giving permission for their colleagues to take their lunch breaks. Number four they take control
of situations. They take control of projects, even take control whenever there is a crisis. Now this
could be perhaps advising someone on their legal standing even though they ve no legal experience
themselves, or their health issues, even though they don't have a medical background. They may
advise on where to buy a house, what to say if they're having trouble with someone. They tend to
behave as if they will always know the best course of action, and sometimes genuinely they might.
But however, more often than not they just like the sound of their own voice and getting people
to do whatever they say. Now if their advice works they get to claim I saved you . If the
situation was not as bad as they thought, they may claim Well I was working behind the scenes
to save you. If it blows up in their face, they may claim Well I never said that, or You didn't
do it the way I told you. Or they may create a so-called crisis where they get to be the hero
and save the day. For example they may spread gossip between two different parties but then
act as a mediator to resolve the conflict. Number five. Suggestions, plans from other people there
s generally a fault or an error or a reason why it wouldn't work. They will have a better idea,
or a way of fixing it. Or if someone does suggest something that seems like a good idea, they may
say the same thing back again but using different language as if it has now become their idea.
Or if it's an idea or plan that everyone is on board with if they're part of a group,
for example. They may look for problems or issues that maybe aren't really there, aren't really that
big a deal. Or perhaps they might insist on a slight change just to give themselves a sense
of ownership over it. An example of this would be a place I to work many years ago were all
the managers had to decide how they were going to inform the staff of certain procedures and
rules and things like that. So we all agreed that we would send an e-mail to all staff. We would
instruct the team leaders talked to their staff during staff meetings to inform them. I mean,
we also put posters and leaflets up in the staff room so that everyone could see it. One person
could not come up with ideas of their own and could not find any objections that would stick.
So her contribution in the end was to insist that staff use blue drawing pins to put the posters up.
Number six. They might claim they have tests or scientific proof of their characteristics,
that claim they re very sensitive to others. They did a test online and they re very empathic. Or
perhaps their counsellor has told them they re just far too caring. They may have a particularly
high IQ. Again, a test showed it. The thing is though, if you've ever noticed, no one
ever gets to see them take these tests or even see the results. So they will use these tests,
if you will, to lie about their achievements, their performance, they re virtues, how much they
have sacrificed for others. Or they will use these test results as evidence that their awesome work,
their partner, even their own kids are holding them back. And lastly number seven. No matter what
they do, no matter if they know they're wrong, and even if they know everyone else knows there wrong,
they will not back down from their position because that would be a blow to that fragile
ego. Backing down would mean they have a flaw. It might be a sign of weakness, a sign of fault,
or a sign of error. In fact, the very things that they often exploit and jump on when it comes to
others. Now when called out or challenged, they may give a condescending laugh, roll their eyes,
wave their hand, just be dismissive of whoever has challenged them. Disregard even the evidence
in front of them. Quite often they will attack the person, not their argument or not their position.
This could involve maybe pointing out the other person's errors, even their past errors. Insult
who they are with, their age, their physical characteristics. Common tactic would be to put
that person into a particular group and then make sweeping statements. People like you are always
They will try to invalidate their opponent, Are you a lawyer? Are you a scientist? By the way even
if that other person is a lawyer or a scientist, that still isn't enough because they have an A
level in something. Because of their cognitive bias, they will always look for anything that
can justify why the other person, the other person's point, the other person's arguments
should be disregarded, not taken seriously. They believe it is easier to attack the person than
to defend their own position. Another tactic would be to misrepresent what has been said to
them. Exaggerate, lie, sometimes even become aggressive. That would be easier than just
admitting they don't know what they're talking about it, or perhaps even they are just genuinely
mistaken. When others are proved right somehow, or perhaps more accomplished, or have achieved more,
it is because they are bad, they have cheated and they have exploited others. Or it might
become something of a pity party. They had the chance to do or to be something spectacular,
but they give it up for something much more noble, or they were cheated out of it, or they have been
held back somehow. Because with pathological narcissism what we often see is someone he
isn't really opening to new information or new experiences, which is why we see little growth.
And that fragile ego makes it difficult for them to concede any kind of ground without looking
weak, or rather feeling as if they are weak to others. Many just end up digging deeper holes
for themselves. Making themselves look more and more ridiculous in their efforts to look superior.
So there are just seven ways narcissistic people behave to look as if they are superior to others.
Now as always I'm sure there's many I could have added to this. Please feel free to use
the comment box below, there are some interesting conversations start around these videos. If you
like this video, if you find it interesting or helpful, please consider subscribing to my channel
for future updates on mental health related topics, and until next time, thanks for watching.