Behold! Me.
Yes, and indeed, indeed, it's ya boi Thew,
poking my head in on the supposedly semi-regular Megatron spotlight sesh,
this time casting a curious eye over the latest lovely lump of Galvatron!
Don't start. They're the same guy. They are the same guy.
Galvatron is simply Megatron's powered-up purpelganger.
I know it. You know it. Same as it ever was.
Have you considered not @ing me?
So yes, big Steven Seagalvatron here has always been broadly beloved as a character
despite - or perhaps because of - his complicated canonical track record -
from mercenary emissary if the planet of Satan to universe-hopping time travel troublemaker
to whatever the f**k's going on here. I'm staying out of it.
And similarly, he's had something of a weird ride on the toy racks,
beginning life back in '86 as an oddly infantile
incorrectly-coloured roleplay space zapper thing for five-year-olds,
which, I guess, fair enough?
Probably a more kid-appropriate alt mode than friggin' Hitler's pea shooter,
but... seriously? That's your villain?
This friggin' Butlin's novelty laser pistol? Ooh, look out!
But from there it was onto a series of differently disastrous modern takes, such as
- alright.
Let's just buzz through these.
I've always found myself kinda keeping up with the ongoing evolution of Galvatron
so uh, quick refresher, yeah?
Now, Galvatron's renaissance figures have always kinda felt like a joke.
He always seems to wind up as kind of a worst-in-class shit-heel afterthought.
Like, the first 21st century take on G1 Galvatron was the Universe 2.0 version
- not now, Energon! -
and it was honestly such a buzzkill.
Like, I very clearly remember buying this absolute shiter the same day as Universe Ironhide.
Very nearly made me bail on the whole scene.
But, y'know, coming back to it after a decade and a bit with the benefit of hindsight and a gentler eye,
yeah, same. It sucks.
It's - I hate it. I hate it! It's just such a shame.
Like, you can really tell from the bodily proportions and the comparative fiddliness
that it was so clearly designed as a bigger toy and then shrunk down at the eleventh hour with zero edits.
It comes to bits all day long, there's an abandoned third mode in there somewhere,
it's the worst of that era's Galvatrio by a conspicuous distance.
Universe Galvatron is 90% glimpses of potential lost to time, and 10% pus.
It's a catastrophe of a toy.
Next on our little Galvatrot then was Combiner Wars Galvatronus,
which I always enjoyed, mostly for the eccentricity of the idea.
Like, this is actually a toy of Cyclonus that transforms into a giant combining super-Megazord
that looks like Galvatron. Brilliant!
And while maybe some aspects of the 2010s combiners might look a touch ropey a few years on,
we still haven't had any new combiners to come along and replace them YET.
It's coming, but for now they still feel alright, so Galvatronus is sitting pretty for the moment.
But it doesn't work as Galvatron, does it? It's 80% other guys.
Like, it'd be weird if this was the Galvatron in your collection. It's not gonna sit right, is it?
And I don't think it's supposed to.
Still, I can't believe they made a Galvatron combiner and didn't call it
Anyway, let me shift into a very different thumbnail face
for Titans Return Galvatron, which sounds okay on paper -
like, it looks like him, it's the right size, it's the right colours,
it's the right alt-mode, for friggin' once,
but it's also a piece of shit.
This is the ultimate example of where the gimmicks wear the guy.
It's a Triple Changer with a Titanmaster and a spring-loaded headdress -
as was the style at the time - but none of the features really land in a big way
and they all come at the cost of being any good. It's a toy that can't seem to relax.
The quality's all over the shop. The cannon's in the wrong spot -
like, it should go there, but it goes there, and it bugs the shit out of me.
And while you can elevate it to acceptable if you import the right version and source the right upgrades,
you shouldn't have to. Not good enough.
I can't sense in this toy any love for the character. It's like we're back where we started, y'know?
Compromise and calamity. Spinnin' our wheels since '09.
Needs more Galvatron.
So do you see where we're at?
The perfect Galvatron figure - or even a solidly decent Galvatron figure - has historically proven slippery.
We try, but it's always ruined by some bloody thing. Like, can't you just be normal?
Can't we just have a nice, well-constructed, good-looking, no-bullshit Galvatron that is just Galvatron?
Well, seeing how nicely everyone else is doing out of the current TF golden age -
which I will definitely roast myself for calling it in five years -
yes.
Now gimme a max-volume "Darn That Soundwave" groan for Transformers Kingdom Leader-class Galvatron
who - let's face it - didn't have much of a bar to vault
in order to claim the purple crown as the best retail one of him.
The vibe of this lad is very much a decent swing at a catch-all, line-of-best-fit gimmick-free Galvatron
that fulfils the brief and plugs the gap between the excellent contemporary Cyclonus and Scourge
and isn't it mad how long that took?
He's certainly a smooth sci-fi psycho, serving deep space silliness in line with the '86 style guide
with a side of surprising stocky proportions for some serious short king swagger!
Like, his general physicality certainly incorporates an aspect I always valued about the original toy -
it's very round.
Like, the shoulders and thighs are all spheres and curves and sexy swooshes,
and like, even among the hard black shoulder stacks and awesome angular armour,
you got this svelte circular collar and that absolute canister of a torso core -
This is one sinister cylinder!
Colours are quietly cookin', with a decent display of Quality Street purple perfection and an easy grey undercoat
along with a few hard smacks of brutalist black and the occasional shocking red abdominal stab.
But I cannot believe they gave him the Siege scratches!
Like, really? We still doing that? I thought we left that in 2019!
Nobody else in Kingdom's got it. They really brought it back just for this one guy?
At least it's not super obnoxious. It's not, like, bright silver. It's just a different shade of purple
so it kinda looks less like he's been stuck in the Cybertronian trenches for millions of years
and more like he just scuffed it coming up the stairs.
Tsk. Shit!
Anyway, this striking silver countenance confidently conveys that trademark Johnny Galvatron aloofness,
like a uniquely knowing malevolent arrogance -
topped with his iconic triple-pronged crown which I suspect may have more in common
with the original Megatron design than might be initially obvious?
Like, do we think the original toy secretly brought back the Microman mug without the confining helmet shell
to symbolise that Galvatron is simply Megatron at his most untethered?
Maybe! There's something there.
Now then, these arms have proven a bit of a sore point in the parish,
'cos they're generally okay as arms, with big lovely chungly shoulder orbs to ponder -
nice deep double-jointed elbow curls, solid wrist-jointed hand sculpts
and a selection of cannon mounts for an impressively extensive expressive repertoire.
Don't love how the tracks just kind of dangle freestyle there.
I mean, I guess they gotta go somewhere, but it just comes off a little scrappy for how good the rest of the toy is.
But the treads ain't what the problem is, and what the problem is
is that a bunch of early runs of Galvatron had the shoulders built all wrong
so they were effectively backwards on the joint
so they like, naturally sit a smidge lower than they're supposed to,
which... how is that a problem? It makes NO difference.
It doesn't, like, break the transformation. It doesn't break anything!
Just saying, this is the most inconsequential misassembly I've seen in my life.
Like, how petty are we that THIS is the kind of problem that gets us up in arms, pun intended?
You lot are out of your goddamn minds. I'm not with you.
God, I definitely wrote this last summer, didn't I?
Anyway, the legs are quite good.
These are some satisfyingly stompy stems with a heartily hefty handfeel!
Love the lateral ladder lines on the thighs, like a soup can.
They do have a bit of a weird overall form, though. Like, they just come off a bit stumpy.
They're not physically actually stumpy - they just LOOK stumpy,
and they make the whole guy look stumpy. I have the same problem.
I think it's got something to do with the lack of definition between the shins and the feet
plus the feet don't really look like feet that much, so it sorta feels like the legs just stop.
They just cut off like a Type O Negative song.
[Type O Negative - "Haunted" playing]
[Peter Steele]: Well, that's about it.
And for accessories, we of course have the iconically unmistakable arm-mounted laser dick,
see-through like Irn Bru and just radiating dominance
along with a few less-effective ancillary treats to pad out the price point, which are dreadful and I hate them,
like this Matrix on a chain. Tacky. Hate it.
And check out these twin guns in the shape of the Revenge spaceship!
I mean, as an idea it's wacky as Hell - identical combining spaceship guns?
Sounds great fun! Sounds very Transformery.
But in practice, they just look dumb as shit. Ohhh, you tacky bastard!
And why are they not purple? You have purple. Use the purple!
(spaceship noises) To Cybertron!
(cough)
This is my job.
And we're about there for the robot mode, so we gotta address it -
I do feel a little weird paying Leader prices for what is essentially a Voyager-sized figure
without any armour, or a trailer or anything, and just a handful of wack-ass extras
but - he is DENSE. He feels worth it, man!
There's very little hollowness - like, look at him from the back!
Clean. Consummate. Complete.
Coronation, Starscream? You get it.
Transformation's pretty wonderful, man.
It's kinda intricate and complex enough - like, you gotta show up for it,
but it's intuitive and it's considered in a way that makes it feel like a proper meal!
It's the way the torso folds and shifts and relocates; it's the way the cannon port evokes the original toy head;
it's the way the waist flaps lock onto the shoulder stacks.
Somebody thought about this. Somebody thought about how to make me love this!
And I LOVE this!
So, just the one alt-mode this time, is it?
No third-mode kibble or abandoned excrescences you wanna walk about?
Not even a pistol grip?
Good.
And this has gotta be the best physical version I've ever seen
of Galvantula's fabulous hyper-cannon form,
poised on its limb-treads like a cardio jerk
with his entire self bunched up like a battery behind the disquietingly mid-bulging orangenzapper
and like, I'm weirdly amused by the big chumbly kickstand back here
with the inners of both his legs wedged together and a little foldy-outy wheel tail? Brilliant!
You can once again ugly him up with the accessories, if you absolutely insist.
Like, the guns just clutter it up and make him look way worse
but there is something kind of awesome about dangling the Matrix over the cannon!
It's just so ostentatious, and I feel like Galvatron would do that? It's very him.
This cannon mode just lays the pipe, man!
It's a surprisingly seamless tangle of bits of emulsified, reconstituted Galvatron
that somehow forms a very satisfying whole!
It really lands, y'know? Just hits like a Galvabomb!
So, where next for old Galveston, TX? Er, back here again, I reckon!
Turns out he's coming back again in this exact form for Legacy, in a big sexy purple box
with a clean chest and presumably more consistent shoulders,
as well as a couple of Gen Selects repaints
like that kinda sick-looking see-through purple grid line version based on one second of animation
- but WHAT a second -
and this one, rocking the massively different colours of the original '86 action figure!
I gotta tell ya, I'm completely here for this!
It's just such joyful dissonance to see this dated-ass colour scheme on a modern toy!
'Cos Galvatron hasn't looked like this since the '80s. He's been pure purple ever since
and this gorgeous fit has been all but forgotten and dismissed as an error for 36 years.
Terrifying.
But this just looks right to me, somehow. It makes sense in a different way.
It's definitely more Megatrony with the heavier grey focus
and I hate this word, but it is so much more toyetic!
Like, I didn't realise how much I missed those hot red shoulder slabs and the shiny, reflective abs!
You've even got this whole optional label sheet, which I don't think he needs
but it's there if you want it and we appreciate that.
I dunno, I just love that they released this at all!
I love that they embraced the absurd original colours rather than treating the like a problem to be corrected.
And if we get them both together for some Gaviscon double action
don't they have such Classics Vs Henkei energy?
Both these Gals are supremely swish in their own way and I honestly have no idea which one I prefer
so it's a bloody good job it's canonically okay to keep both of them!
Galvatron, Gavatron II. It's a thing. You're welcome.
So yes, baby, Kingdom/Legacy Weird Gal Yankovic here has decisively dunked it!
I mean, as we know, it wasn't a massive hop to the gold -
all he had to do was commit, not get sidetracked by some silly secondary showboaty schtick,
and simply saunter to victory. And he has done.
This toy succeeds at being Galvatron because it's not ashamed to be Galvatron
and it believes, finally, that it is enough to simply be Galvatron,
and I feel like that's the energy we all need right now.
So cheers for watching! My name's Thew, and until next time,
be the crazy awesome purple space cannon demon bitch you want to see in the world.
Zzzzzap!
Bosh! In the bank. Thanks for watching, everybody!
Thank you to Jake and Anna for hooking me up with the toy-accurate Galvatron.
Massively appreiate it, folks.
And, as always, a huge thank you to all my Patrons! Specifically, this time, extra special thanks to Waverod.
Nice one buddy. Cheers for supporting the show. Later, kids!
Be sure to subscribe for more Thew's Awesome Transformers Reviews.
Limited appeal, keeping it real.
Now gimme a max-volume "Darn That Soundwave" groan for Transformers Kingdom Leader-class Galvatron!
One of those.