- So we'll get five suggestions.
We'll divide you guys up into segments.
Everyone gets a fair go.
Then once we've got five suggestions,
I'll do a freestyle rap part.
If you are sat kind of in just this area.
What'd you wanna rap about?
(audience laughs)
Ah, you're all laughing
until I look at you, aren't you?
So what the fuck is this
Eastern European shit here?
"Gambling. Gambling. This. Okay?"
Like and what did you say?
[Woman] - I said Balkan.
But you say Balkan?
As in are you all fucking Eastern European?
You are.
You are really are.
Wow.
Okay, gambling in the Balkans.
What's the main
What's the main type of gambling
that takes place in the Balkans?
Like, "Which donkey cross line first who know?"
(audience laughs)
"One only has two leg, how it even possible?"
"Two leg donkey?"
Is that...?
Fuck it, yeah, illegal donkey gambling in the Balkans.
Fuck it, bye everyone.
Bye.
Literally, no more terrifying act than that.
And that was the most friendly Balkan accent
I've ever heard.
Like stop it, man.
I kill you.
Okay.
Seriously.
I'm not kidding.
I have seen things and done more.
Okay.
So illegal gambling on donkeys in the Balkans.
Let's come to you guys here.
What you rap about?
It's a food and an animal.
They immediately over there.
They were, this fucking idiot.
Look, if you're looking for someone to enslave
and take back that person there.
Come on. Do better than that.
Fine. You guys don't get a suggestion, right?
Did you say California?
Let's focus.
What about California?
Or what's something that's in California you wanna focus on?
- It's expensive.
California's expensive.
Cool. Do you live there?
Fucking move.
Okay. Right.
I lived in LA for four years.
I was like, oh, why am I really poor?
And then I moved, moved to Colorado
and I fucking own Colorado now.
It's great.
People, people here.
What do you wanna rap about?
What did you just say?
Cause I heard the word beaver, which is an animal.
And then you added something after, which makes me
think it's gonna be sexual.
Beat Beaverton?
- Beaver tail.
This is, it's a dessert.
Fucking, you don't move
to wherever this person is from.
Fucking Appalachia
somewhere. Beaver tail.
Please explain to me what beaver tail is.
You said a donut.
It's Canadian.
Okay. A deep, a deep fried Canadian donut.
Okay.
It's fried goodness in your lips.
Did you say?
I thought you would be the weirdest people
that I spoke to tonight.
And if you've been surpassed by everyone so far expensive
California donkey gambling in the Balkans
the deep fried goodness in your lips.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
That is
no, no, this is what we're..
I dunno if, if this person even paid attention, no
this is what we are rapping about.
Again. I just take lots
of topics because I'm really good at this.
And it's really boring if I just take one.
So front row, bachelor party.
Hello? What would you like a rap about?
Don't just pick the person.
Be be, you know, something, make it special.
This is your big night.
Why are you mocking the idea?
This is the most important night of your life.
This is the last night you are a free man.
Look, I'm married.
I've been married for four years.
I, I love being married.
I'm very lucky, but you know
I'm spectacularly talented at comedy.
So I've fucking found a keeper.
You know, I heard that you are a journalist.
So the death of print media, what are you doing?
What do you want to rap about?
His money don't jiggle jiggle it folds.
That's probably some TikTok bullshit innit.
That's what happens when I don't know what it is.
And then women go.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's what they've suggested for you.
You're happy with that.
Let's come over here.
This, this kind of enclave here.
Oh, there's a lot of you.
Okay. Let's take two suggestions from here.
Table of lads over here.
You've been spectacularly well behaved.
And one of you has a Luka Modric top on
from which period in his career?
His, I thought it was a spur shirt
but then you were all behaving so well.
I was like, these guys aren't British.
'Cause they will be so drunk by now.
Table of not British lads.
What would you like a rap about?
Oh, there's one Brit.
We don't know each other.
It's it's a small country, but not that small.
All I know is that means there's one person
on your table with a fore skin.
Don't prove it.
British people love proving it.
They whip out like that's where I keep all my pound coins.
So table of lads, what do you wanna rap about?
- Taxidermy. Cool.
Yeah. I like it. Guy over there was fucking astonished.
Like whoa, no he didn't.
No he didn't.
Okay.
And then one final one from this area
- Sex in public.
Cool. Great.
What? Okay.
Yeah. What and what public environment
and don't don't say comedy club.
- Ice cream shop with someone who lactose intolerant.
(faint cheering)
- You had that prepared
An ice cream shop with someone who's lactose intolerant.
Okay. Sex in public in an ice cream shop with
someone who's lactose in intolerant, taxidermy, expensive
California, beaver tails, gambling on donkeys
in the Balkans and then his money don't
jiggle jiggle it folds.
(applauding)
I love that you're just applauding an active memory.
That's all that was right.
Let's do this.
This is a free style.
Do me a favor.
Drop that.
Drop that beat.
It's gonna be pretty bloody lovely.
This is a new beat.
We'll see how it sounds.
I'm excited.
Cool. Right?
We're gonna fucking, let's start
with this TikTok bullshit 'cause I don't even understand.
That's fine.
Right?
We'll do the donkeys later.
That's the piece to go clip clock.
15 seconds.
That's the cliff on the TikTok.
Get a meme.
See it on the screen.
His money
Don't jiggle jiggle
I'm not keen.
I presume that's the coins in the pocket by your loins.
And that to get the bank note
I might join my British guy over there
I was being funny
but he used this foreskin to contain that money.
When you say it's folding, no mistake.
You're holding the folding money.
That'd be the paper.
I use a money clip put in my pocket.
It looks much flier than a hyper thin wallet.
This is what they selected for you.
Bachelor, you were raising your eyebrow really
Kinda sure
I can stuff that shit 'til it's dead
taxidermy.
If you never understand my man's said
Shouting out chicken
Okay. Yes.
That's the truth there
I can go
and slaughter all the chickens and the rooster.
Take him to my taxidermist.
I've gotta see.
You need to use the corn flour internally
and maybe get
some little kind of hydro chloro film
Put the little formaldehyde
You know the beast we killed?
Put it in a glass case.
Right? First looking like the artist, like
maybe Damien Hirst
And if I did some taxidermy
the failed
it's cause I let it go rotten on the beaver tail.
I'm like damn, shit
That's a beaver pun all my Canadians like
That's a nice one.
Not an otter it's basically a very fat otter.
I'm gonna make it up.
No. Right in, in the Jotter.
I'm hungry.
Yes. I provide some tasty
Goodness for your lips
And you know that it's fried
No ifs no buts, I eat the donuts
north of the border
I'm feeling luck
I assume the calorie count is all so painful.
You love to douse your beaver tail in maple
syrup.
That's what I think of you jeez
You eat the beaver tail
and then the poutine
And then ride a horse not wonky.
Unlike my Balkan three legged donkey.
You sit there, they walk amber ling
They get the dice out, light gambling
I'm shaking all the coins, looking kind of pensive.
You've got less money than the place expensive.
The Californians.
That's the Tru song.
They try to recall Gavin Newsome.
We need to get more money in the budget.
But back to the Balkans,
I can't fudge it out of my mind.
I love the Baltic port.
That's technically more Poland, its out of order
I should focus on Belarus and Georgia
Three Eastern Europeans
Yes. I adore ya.
Don't blush.
If you're from rush ah it doesn't matter.
Lips can ya hush up
the donkey there crossing the finish line.
But no Jesus on the back this time
and I find an urge to go and have some sense.
I look around local neighborhoods are trying inspect us.
Your sexy lady behind the counter
It's 12 in the afternoon.
I still mount her.
I bring her over here.
Remove her clothes.
I'm like, oh yes.
Are you lactose?
She starts sneezing, bleeding
from the nose and the mouth, it doesn't matter.
Cause I'm getting cheeky down south.
You can call me Mr. Witty when I slap it
When I'm in the ice cream store from the back
Make no mistake, I give the girl a flake.
That's the type of chocolate thing in the top that we take.
She's like, oh, having sex in public
Oh so many look at us while we fuck there
with the Ben and Jerry's
A girl giving me head.
That's the head, Bob
in so many flavors you can pull me Baskin' Robbins'
(cheering)