Remember: please practice safety first.
Always wear a condom!
Just don't try this at home!
That's right- abstain!
Our existence is full of MANY difficult questions: Is there a God? What is the meaning of life? What sort of voodoo magic do they use to can non-perishable food items?
Hello, my name is Dan Brown, and, while I don't have the answers to THOSE questions today, if we work and think together, we will emerge as more-enlightened individuals.
Is Jory Caron gay? Uh... Probably! How do women pee? Well, that one's easy! It's from their butts!
What happens if you put a foot-long rubber, stretchy, light-up, motorized caterpillar in a microwave? Let's find out right now!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory: Ventilation is key!
Jon: What're you doing?! Put that out!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jon: Does it still work?
Jory: You're dumb!
Jory and Riley: 2.6!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory 2.6, safety is one of the concerns that, I mean, we thought would probably help us in the long run, but we'll get to it tomorrow, right?
That's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts!
But we do like caterpillars!
Jon: Especially ones with the glow-in-the-dark balls inside them!
Jory: There we go! Okay, let's go and microwave it!
*futuristic whooshing sound*
We also have these fans, to circulate the air, and this microwave right here, Zelda. Amazing, amazing microwave! Red and spotless!
Jory: Throw in the caterpillar. So, how long should I put that in there for?
Riley: I'm gonna say "casserole." Yeah, 1/casserole's fine.
Jory: Alright! Yeah, 1/casserole! Why not? 1/casserole!
Jory: (hears Zelda turn on) Oh, [beep]! What the [beep]?!
Jon: Let's do 7 minutes instead.
Jory: Okay, let's just do 7 minutes.
Jon: Let's just do 7 minutes instead, guys. Let's just play it safe!
Okay, let's go!
Jon: Okay!
Jon: Get outta there!
Jory: Ooh! OOH! It DID light up, and then, it stopped.
Jon: I don't even know if this is a caterpillar... Whoa! What just happened?
Jory: That must have been the internals of the battery going.
Jon: I think the ball inside it just exploded!
Jory: Well, one of the bulbs...
Jon: 'Cause it definitely looks like he had a seizure or took a [beep]!
Jory: Now, the bulb has jumped all the way to its head... Yeah!
Jon: He's metamorphosizing into a butterfly!
Jon: Oh! Did you see it kinda shake?
Jory: It just burped!
Jon: Holy [beep]!
Jory: (disappointedly) Aw!
Jon: That was awesome!
Jon: (laughs) Oh, man, that's great!
Jory: Every time it pops, it just... (makes burping sound)
Jon: Oh, my God! That's totally morphing into, like, another creature!
Jory: (makes more burping sounds) It's blackening! What the [beep]?
Jon: Aw! It had a little fart!
*Jory makes grunting sounds*
Jon: I don't think it's gonna blow up anymore. I think that was the air just coming out of there.
Jory: What is that white smoke coming from?
Jon: Who knows?!
Jory: Zelda does everything perfectly! White smoke!
Jon: That was awesome, guys!
Riley: I like how he was going, like... (makes burping sounds)
Jory: It's like he was about to burp, but then, it went right back in.
Jon: (makes burping sounds) And then, it just swallowed and went off inside him! Actually, wait a second...
Jory: It just huge farted right there!
Jon: Actually, let's leave him on. He might keep doin' stuff.
Jory: Yeah.
Jon: WHOA!
Jory: Let's turn this bad boy off.
Jon: Give him a few more seconds, Jory.
Riley: Alright, sure, let's give him 20 seconds.
Jon: Let him burn out a little bit. Let's stop it at, like...
Jory: We're killing a perfectly good microwave right now!
Jon: Let's stop it right now, then!
Jon: Look out, Jory!
Riley: (to Jory) Your glove's on fire!
Jory: Yeah. This is a fire extinguisher...
Jon: Do it! DO IT! Whoo!
Jory: That's good.
Jon: Aw, man, dude! What happened to your glove? It looks like you fingered a [beep]in' octopus!
Jory: (mischievously) Who says I didn't?
Jon: Aw, dude, it looks like you killed a Womp Rat with your T-16 Skyhopper!
Jon: (disgustedly) AW!
Riley: (in Southern accent) Look, Ma, I'm roadkill!
So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a caterpillar thing with a light inside of it?
Yes... But this is one you should do outside, and this is why: Usually, when things melt in the microwave and they create a pool of crap, it's impossible to get it off the tray.
That one actually just scooped off like batter! It was rather easy!
Jon: Well, all the goop stayed inside. It was like it was trying to take a diarrhea, but it swallowed its own [beep]!
Good idea! White smoke? Good idea! And that's about it for this episode of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
*end credits play*
You know, I think it IS affecting his metamorphosis, but, I mean, what do you think we can do to speed it up?
We could just put it in the microwave!
Alright! Sounds good to me!
Jory: (laughs) That was a lackluster throw!
*Riley makes more burping sounds*
And I'm still only really smelling gin here! And I'm not really smelling that deathkiller!
Riley: That was last week, though.
Yeah, but, I mean, still last week, but, I mean, you know...
Riley: Yeah.
Brilliant, brilliant!